Anyone still "in" that is feeling physically sick??

by lostinnj83 26 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Aunt Fancy

  I just sat and watched this piece on Steve Hassen, excellent! Loss, take care of your health. I too got very ill and didn't realize it until years later that the cult was making me so sick. My husband and the rest of my family were so worried about me and at times I felt like I wanted to die. It finally all came together last year when I hadn't been to a meeting in a while then I went to the Memorial and I felt such a panic while I was there. Then I went to another meeting and had that same panic feeling. My last meeting was the DC and it was just the Friday session and I ended up leaving early because I couldn't take it for another minute. When I went home and read everything I could find and realized what it all was coming from my health improved so much. I still have some problems that will never get better but it really made me realize that this is not worth one more day of bad health. I too was on a number of anti depressants for more than 20 years and I have been off of all of them for close to a year. It is not worth it to take drugs with dangerous side effects in order to stay in. As JW's we are taught not to think of ourselves but you have to in order to have a healthy and happy life. Get some help from a very good professional to help you through this. Best wishes to you!
• 

  Apognophos

  What some of you are describing sounds almost like a general social anxiety. I dunno. Why let what's being taught be so upsetting? Most of what people believe is wrong to some degree or another. Do what I do, and just space out during the meeting.
• 

  lovelylil

  Social anxiety is very different.

  I never had social anxiety, I always loved to be in social situations just not around the JWs, that was all. My anxiety and upset was the fact that I knew the WT was a cult and I was raising my kids in it. Also I found the environment very negative, with lots of talk about not being good enough in Jehovah's eyes and needing to do more, more and more.

  I never felt good enough.

  Also I did not grow up in the WT. And the way the WT would twist arguements in the mags to try and prove points was wearisome to me. I began noticing the loaded language more and more. And could not believe I was the only one seeing it!

  In a nutshell, I cannot support what I simply do not believe it. I never wanted to be a hypocrite. I know some people have families still in and pretend for them but I just could not be that person. I was getting depressed and anxious and also angry to my very core that I was ever stupid enough to believe in the WT's message.

  When I stopped attending meetings, I literally felt like I was just released from prison and the wieght of the world was lifted off my shoulders.

  I can understand now just WHY so many of the JWs are on antidepressants. I grew up in the Catholic church and hardly ever heard of anyone on medication. But then again, I used to look forward to church back then and always left feeling good about myself.

  Being in a negative cult drains you mentally, physically and spiritually.
• 

  LoisLane looking for Superman

  LostInNJ83

  I am so glad you are posting. If anyone could use Friends, comfort, some straight talk with good direction, you do.

  List the Positives:

  You are 30 years old.

  You have a good job.

  You know TTATT.

  List the Negatives:

  Married to a JW man, who is not your soul mate.

  At the age to start a family, but you don't want to with this man

  Anything to do with The Tryth(tm) makes you sick.

  On your thread "Newbie Again (Kinds Sorta)", jgnat posted, "Thank him (your husband) for the effort he has put in the marriage and let him go."

  We hear you LostInNj83.

  We are here to give you support.

  We hear that you are at a cross-roads in your life.

  Keep posting, even if is the same subject, same subject, yes, same subject, until it finally comes to a head, in your mind, with what is good for you, what you can handle, what joys and problems you feel comfortable, enduring or doing a 180, and starting over with a clean slate.

  You can have 60 more joyous, happy, fulfilling years to look forward to. Figure how to make that happiness, happen, for you, not your husband , not Jehovah, (God can figure things out for himself) not your Mother, she made her way, now you get to make yours.

  It is your Life.

  Wishing you only happiness.

  Just Lois

  Remember, we know you are in crisis mode. Keep posting!
• 

  lostinnj83

  Thank you everyone for the support!

  And to the person that posted that I have social anxiety disorder that is NOT the case at all!!! The only anxiety I feel is anything "JW related".

  As far as the anti-depressants, everyone here is right! I should not have to be medicated just to survive this life when I know the cause of my anxiety and depression. If I can eliminate that I highly doubt that I would be as depressed.

  My therapist only recommonded the possiblity of anti-depressants temporarily until I figure out what I want to do regarding the religion.
• 

  WTWizard

  At which point, I would start picking the worst boasting sessions and skipping them, "sick". Do not buy that "Unless you are sick in the hospital, you belong at the boasting session" crap. You are actually more vulnerable to catching the flu while at those things if you are actually stressed out, so skipping the worst of them makes sense at this point. Also, try cutting back on field circus--again, skipping the times you feel most stressed out or cutting in early if things start going badly.

  As time progresses, you skip more of the boasting sessions. I am presuming they are of the impression that joke-hova actually wants good for you--what is so good about being sick because of this? If joke-hova really cared about you, it would understand that it is ruining your health. After all, doesn't joke-hova claim to want us to not smoke because of the health effects? Attending boasting sessions is ruining your health in the same way, and you are going to need to taper off. Quitting suddenly would only create problems with family, since they seem to think the answer is more boasting sessions and field circus.

  As with quitting smoking, you should work with a goal of Q Day. You might go to one last boasting session, and that will be your last. Or, you could go to an especially bad one just this once and walk out in the middle of it, not being able to stand any more of it. Or, you might plan to fade to zero. At which point, nothing should interfere with your walking out. Yes, you are probably going to lose your parents since they want to see you pious-sneering and attending every boasting session no matter how it ruins your health. But, you could make it a goal of being out within a year, skipping more and more boasting sessions and cutting back on field circus. During this time, lie on your field circus report if necessary to prevent Brother Hounder from showing up (he doesn't give a fxxx that it's messing with your health, either).

  For me, I never got physically sick just from boasting sessions (beyond the headaches I got from not getting enough sleep, sitting all day at a$$emblies, and puking at disgustingly ugly men that the witlesses exclaimed that I was attracted to because they took a damn rag). I just got tired of rewarding joke-hova for making me so miserable, so I started cutting back to throw off the hounders (bonus: It wastes resources, thinning them out so they can't handle other matters). Eventually, I pulled the plug and then vowed never to return for anything. Friends that require me to attend boasting sessions and field circus, and don't want me meeting the opposite sex, are not friends to me but are enemies and parasites that I do not need.
• 

  Apognophos

  All right, fair enough. I still think you're paying too much attention, though