by Lady Lee 45 Replies latest jw friends
Some people have a different mental makeup. What makes some person depressed and feeling down and out may not have much impact on another person.
Who knows what that person has had to deal with in his lifetime? Only he knows. Of course, it is no fun listening to someone wallow in sadness, especially when you have problems of your own, but I say don't be too quick to judge people.
I am dealing with a chronic pain issue, and I have my "why me" moments, but I know I can't give in to self pity or wallow in my misery, that will only make things worse. I have to keep reminding myself that I have so many blessings in my life, a supportive husband, good friends, a business I feel passionate about. I look for the sacred in the everyday, I feel every person I meet has something to teach me, I just have to be open to it. I have seen over and over again in my life the benefits of serendipity, the chance encounter than can change your life, the unexpected little things that can happen. If you are so busy complaining about your life you will miss these unexpected joys. Thanks for sharing Lady Lee, it was just what I needed
LisaRose
Like you I suffer from chronic pain. It can wear you out and wear you down. If you let it. There are times I just want to cry from the pain. But I know I can't give in to it. If I do that it only gets worse. So I get busy doing something else so I don't have to think about it - well if I can. I am gettign better at recognizing when I am about to have a pain crisis when none of my usually strategies work. I have learned that sometimes it is okay to reach for the medication that will stop it although I don't like taking it. Yea I'm pretty stubborn. Sometimes I feel like I am at war with my body.
You are right. We have to be open to the positives that come our way - like me waking up to the the birds diving off the roof over my window.
What I find surprising here is that some people say that they think for some people it is impossible to change. It is like they are looking for reasons why people can't learn to enjoy life. They don't have the capacity for it. I guess I prefer to believe that we all have the capacity for joy, happiness and the ability to grow. Maybe we have that to different degrees. But I can't believe that some people just can't do something to see life a little differently that what they are used to.
Lady Lee, I think this is a great topic as it has to do with personal perception and perspective and how our own thoughts, whether positive or negative can affect the way we view the world.
And I also live with chronic pain and have for numerous years.
I agree that a person must decide and make a choice. I have seen it in action. And when I read the personal stories of how people have changed their lives here, I'm nothing short of amazed.
I don't think it's impossible to change, I just think some people are by nature/nurture optimistic and some by nature/nurture are pessimistic.
Lady Lee, resilience is a wonderful thing to have a long with choices. So in your experience does someone have to have someone 1st believe in them before they believe in themself?
~~~ not to get completely off topic, but it has to do with perception~~~
I remember reading about successful people/entrepreneurs and how many failures and obstacles they have to deal with before they became successful. The difference between success and failure is how they look at their failures. So resilience is necessary. And they believe in their product &/or their abilities.
Successful people are the ones who do not give up if they fail. They find another way.
They accept their failure, learn from their mistakes, make adjustments, take a different approach and try again.
They find the light at the end of the tunnel.
They believe in themselves!
Again they don't give up!!!
Often they have mentors.
A successful person will ask for help.
And they will not allow others to make their decisions for them.
So, the positives outweigh the negatives and they always look at the glass as half-full. But they also have a lot of confidence in their abilities. A person with low self-esteem doesn't have confidence. But that can also be acquired.
It all begins with a thought. The thinking process must be engaged. A decision/choice needs to be made. An action must come after the decision. And it goes from there...
I think that applies in a happy successful life too and not just in business.
And I think it's OK to feel sad or blue and to accept there will be days like that, but to always look for the reasons one has to be grateful and to appreciate the life they have been given.
Lady Lee, thank you for your contributions and for this thread. You clearly are an asset to this forum.
Lady Lee: I don't write here very often, but I always look forward to your postings. You are a wonderful person (even if you don't think so), we think you are. This post alone is doing lots of good - more than you know. Sometimes you think, that it is not worth to sit down and write something here, but it stays here and that little voice calls out - further away than you think.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
And as for the wheelchair & skydiving thing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yr9D8w-VyYI
Ok, you don't have to do that! But overall: Humans are awesome and deal with some incredible bad s%$#!
rip van winkle: Very good thoughts. Thank you for that. This could be a mini instruction to print out and have at my wall for "Success". I wish you well my friend. Keep it up!!!
Never give up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AW579icDRSA
Lady Lee, thank you for this post and for expressing yourself so well.
I am facing some big challenges, and I don't know if I have the ability to do what may need to be done. But some things you have to deal with, I know, but sometimes you are just tired.
thanks also rip van winkle, for your inspiring thoughts
You guys have given me some strength tonight, thanks everyone on this thread
Great topic, Lady Lee. I learned a lot from Zimbardo's book, Time Paradox. Here's an article. By taking the perspective test, I found out that I was generally positive except when it came to recalling my childhood. People who have a more positive outlook on the past tend to focus on the traditions and holidays that made them special. I've worked on dwelling on those memories instead.
Here's the test if anyone is curious. http://www.thetimeparadox.com/surveys/
We can refocus our mind on better things.
Lady Lee, you are a great spokesperson for this.
rip
Lady Lee, resilience is a wonderful thing to have a long with choices. So in your experience does someone have to have someone 1st believe in them before they believe in themself?
That is a very good question. From the time we are babies we rely on someone outside of us to let us know which choice to make. A mother encouraging her baby to take those first few steps, regardless of the fear of falling, the parent of an even younger baby encouraging the baby to roll over or grab something close to them. The mother smiles and speaks encouragingly towards the baby. Later on we chase away the boogie man and let out children know they are safe, we tell them they can go to school and be away from is for the day. These kinds of life-long encouragements are a way of telling our children that we believe in them and that we know they can do what they want to do.
So what happens when babies and children don't get that?
Some people learned to get it from outside the home, teachers, friends, mentors they find along the way. What I have experienced in my own life was encouragement initially from 1 person letting me know that not making a choice was a choice. Sometimes the choice is between the bad thing you know and the possibility of stepping into an even worse situation you don't know. But it is still a choice to take the chance. With my friends encouragement I took that step into the unknown. From there I went back to school and got tremendous encouragement from doing far better then I ever expected. My teachers and profs were extremely encouraging to me. And that was the beginning of developing a belief in myself.
I have counseled hundreds of women over the years (just a handful of men though). Most had been severely abused either as children or as wives and often both. They never had anyone to encourage them. I saw that as one of my roles as a counselor. I was there to encourage them to make choices about their lives and to cheer them on, cry with them when they failed and encourage them to try again. Some had other people to encourage them. Many had never had that.
But there is something missing before I had that one person or before a woman wound up sitting in my office asking for help. Somewhere deep inside us there was a desire for something else, something better. In spite of never having the encouragement we found it within ourselves to take those first steps. Even babies and toddlers eventually learn to roll over or take those first few steps that give them a different perspective of the world.
I am sitting here with a book in front of me; Resilience: Discovering a New Strength at Times of Stress by Frederic Flach. He defines resilience as a necessary ingredient to dealing with stress. The inner flyleaf says:
Dr. Flach offers a two-step process of disruption-giving in to the stress- and reintegration-putting the pieces or our world back together but in a new, stronger, wider-based structure. Rather than providing an escape valve for moments of extreme crisis, resilience bolsters the continuous cycle of learning, unlearning, and adapting that is a necessary part of our personal growth
Building resilience is an on-going process: the minor everyday pressures of life will strengthen our resilient qualities, such as self-esteem, independence, and a sense of humor, so that we may weather truly shattering adversities with more equanimity. With resilience, we emerge from each event better "put together" and more qualifies to deal with greater challenges.
That is fairly simplistic because the aspects of resilience well he wrote a full book on it so it is a little more involved that than but we can start there and recognize those aspects within us that contribute to our developing resilience solidly enough to help us through whatever crisis we may face.
It is quite fascinating so maybe I should read the book and share what I learn from it.
