Irritated with my sister in law who is trying to claim my baby girls clothes

Butterflyleia85

Irritated with my sister in law
Ok so I'm really happy and excited about having my baby girl January 31st! The same week I learned my sister in law is having a baby due in October but will be having it delivered September. So she is a nice loving person but I hate to say somehow I always get the feeling it's out of "I did this for you so I expect you to do this for me" type feeling. I have family and friends who are giving and loving but they never expect anything in return and they never ask for anything either. Like for example my husband's step sister, she's wonderful, she gave up all her son's baby clothes for my boy who is now 2 and never asked for anything. She just had a boy last week and I gladly gave the baby clothes back!
Ok so the sister in law that is close to our family that is seriously irritating because she keeps claiming my baby girl's clothes!, like in med conversation says "and since you got all the clothes for her (my baby girl) I won't need to get that just a few more big items..." It irritates the heck out of me! I was willing to give her baby clothes because she's family (or anyone of our family and friends) but it's like every visit she just makes claims on her (my baby girl's) clothes!!! I'm too nice and just nod my head and smile but part of me is devastated and wants to cry. I know it's just clothes but it's hard for me to part with stuff so easily. For one I'm a stay at home mom, I make no money, seeing how she handled losing stuff, breaking stuff, or loosing stuff I let her use kinda brakes my heart... I'm am super OC about keeping things in order and I'm weird about letting people like her borrow stuff (She kinda just automatically just asks for stuff and I reluctantly let her borrow stuff even when I want to say no cause I'm afraid I won't ever see it again but I wanna trust her and be friendly to her). But she's kinda care free about stuff and well I don't think she realizes how much it means to me when she does that. (I wish my husband's step sister had a girl I would love to have gave it to her and then be like oh sorry I give all the clothes away to his other sister she needed them.)
What do I do??? I don't wanna give my baby girls clothes away, but I don't wanna be like NO you can't have them!

Glander

Congratulations on the new one in the oven!

Don't have any advice about the SIL.

But I will tell you that there are "score keepers" when it comes to favors, gifts, etc. It is an effective control strategy that some people use.

mouthy

Sounds to me like your more interested in "things" than people.
We are not all the same ,forgive her & tell her flat out what upsets you.
She evidently thinks she is being genourous by giving you stuff.

Anyway dont take anything else from her if it bothers you.

My opinion ( You asked I answered)

CADSkin

My wife had all our girls baby clothes turned into quilts. We don't let them use them but they're a great keepsake and would be a great reason why you won't be relinquishing them in the fall.

AnneB

Your problem isn't your relatives. Behaving as though people can be trusted or taken at their word is "avoidance". You know when people are not trustworthy (relatives or not). As long as you act like they are you will be used and abused.

"Nice" is not a positive. "Nice" placates. "Nice" lives in its own immature bubble.

As our friends in the WTBTS put it: "Awake!" We're not living in Paradise. You're going to have to defend yourself (not just from relatives), so study up on topics like "manipulation" and "masochism". There's where you'll learn what to say and how to come across as someone who can't be walked all over.

Do it now, before you have the baby. Then you can model appropriate behavior as your child grows. That can only benefit both of you.

Best wishes,

AB

Qcmbr

Multiple options: Sort out some stuff you don't mind passing on to her, sort out the stuff you want as keepsakes (first booties etc.), sort out the junk (stained, worn out) and the rest give to charity / other friends. When your sis asks why there isn't more you can explain the damaged/keepsake line and don't tell her about the charity / give to your friends stuff. Don't worry about confronting her, just keep nodding every time she lays claim to something and then do your own thing.

If she borrows something important take a phone pic of her with it - explain you can never remember who has borrowed stuff and this is a system you learnt from the internet. She cannot deny having them then, you remember what she has and if she breaks it you get to tell her where to get a replacement :)

Butterflyleia85

thanks qcmbr! best advice! :) i will do that!

jgnat

You are still using some of the clothes, right?

Your sister-in-law has a different relationship with things. She treats gift-giving as a complex barter exchange, and she does expect to collect! For the life of me I don't understand how she fails to recognize that she is racking up a debit for the stuff she has borrowed and mistreated.

I get the sense that you attach emotion and memories to things, so it becomes harder to give them away.

To get your sister-in-law off your back, I'd suggest you let her know that come August first, you will go through your daughter's things and you will prepare a nice gift package for her. Let her know though, that bringing this up over and over is causing you distress and if she keeps harping on this, you will give it all to charity.

In the meantime, pick out a couple items that have meaning, and memorialize them in some way. I like the quilt idea. Or you might get a shadow box and make up a keepsake.

It makes no sense to put all the clothes in mothballs in a dark, dusty corner somewhere, with no meaning or usefulness at all.

I would also refuse gifts from this sister-in-law in the future. Tell her it burdens you with obligation that you just can't bear to carry.

Butterflyleia85

aww jgnat that's a good post too :) (you read people well and we don't even know each other)

gma-tired2

Your favorite items need to be "lost" deep in a closet. Share the items that are nice but you don't hold as dear.

Irritated with my sister in law who is trying to claim my baby girls clothes

Share this