maybe i should add to she got my baby a few outfits and a cute dress as a gift. she hasn't had a baby for 6 years being that her oldest is 9 and the other boy is 6. great kids! anywho i almost feel like giving it all back to her too! again i don't want to hurt her feelings though or mine. we get along well just sometimes i feel stomped on by her. like during my babyshower she was the attention and over talking me and it hurt my feelings! maybe it's me being to sensitive but seriously some ppl i just can't be around or it really puts me down yet she's so close to our family and i just have to deal with it.
Irritated with my sister in law who is trying to claim my baby girls clothes
by Butterflyleia85 32 Replies latest social family
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Listener
Butterfly I know it's hard but as my mother used to say 'put your foot down'. Unfortunately she sounds like the sort of person that will 'use you' if you let her and because she is going to be around for a long time it is better for you to voice your feelings now so that she is clear as to where she stands.
If she mentions the clothes again then tell her not to expect too much as there will only be a few things you can give her. If she is persistant and asks why is that, then tell her you want to keep most of it.
When she borrows things from you make a real fuss about it, if it holds some meaning to you then let her know. Kingly remind her that she has something of yours and that you were hoping to get it back. If you make a fuss she is going to stop borrowing stuff as it will be too bothersome for her, you're basically beating her at her own game.
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jgnat
Over-talking you at your own baby shower! She might have a tetch of borderline personality disorder. Boundaries. Everyone deserves boundaries. When she oversteps yours, you must tell her, privately the first time, and publicly the second.
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LisaRose
I hate to say it, but you need to grow a backbone. There are always people who will have expectations of you, it is up to you to manage them. If you freely gave things to her and didn't complain when they were lost or damaged, you helped create this situation. The next time she brings it up just say, "Oh gosh Heather, I don't know how much I will be passing along, there are some things I just can't part with for sentimental reasons, I am sure you understand." Smile, look like you expect here to understand. Then give her a few token items when the time comes.
There are a lot of takers in this world, the sooner you figure out how to deal with it, the better. The reality is, they don't appreciate your generosity, they just keep taking.
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mrsjones5
jgnat and LisaRose
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Mum
In some towns there are nice thrift stores where you can buy lovely baby clothes for very little. At the Catholic thrift store where I used to live, baby clothes were practically given away. I bought my great granddaughter some Disney jeans and tops for about twenty-five cents each.
If you want to give her some nice things but don't want to give up your daughter's clothes, visit your local thrift stores and see what you can find. You might have to go back multiple times, but that's what you do when you have more time than money.
If you buy thrift-store clothes, be sure to launder them before giving them. You probably already know this, but I'm always reminding people of things they already know.
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Hortensia
yup, LisaRose and Jgnat called it. Time to develop boundaries, learn how to pleasantly say no. Also time to look yourself in the eyes (takes a mirror to do that!) and tell yourself when you are being petty. You're confusing the overall issue of this woman's disrespect for your boundaries with the meaning in some material stuff.
Learn to recognize and deal with manipulation.
Save the special stuff that means a lot to you, discard the damaged/stained stuff, give her the rest. I wonder, too, why she is such an attention-grabber. Is she incredibly self-centered, or empty and continually in need of validation? People are so complex.
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Butterflyleia85
wow everyone here is really smart. ok i will try it just gives me anxiety thinking about it. i don't want her to turning the family from me! it the only thing i have and when we had confertation the last time, her mom got involved, she really hurt my feelings, and she's like the head of the family in a sence. my huband's mom is like a mother bear she decribed herself and she will stand up and take care of her cubs no matter what! Sweet but scary too i'm thinking... i hope she looks to me as one of her cubs but if not she will choice her side no matter who's right or wrong. :( ok time to step up ahhhhhh :/
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mrsjones5
You're a mum now. You're someone's mama bear too now.
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jgnat
What is with all these third parties getting involved? Parents and in-laws gotta learn to butt out. Nerves before confrontation is normal, otherwise you'd be a psychopath. A successful confrontation is a great rush, too.
Confront the sister-in-law in private. If she runs off to mommy, tell mom to back off. This is between you and your sister-in-law. Hubby better support you in this.