in limbo.

by Captain Blithering 40 Replies latest jw friends

  • Captain Obvious
    Captain Obvious

    WELCOME! Don't think you're the only captain around here fella.

    As others have said, take your time... Don't decide on anything. Be objective and let the facts and evidence lead wherever it may. At a point when you're ready to defend and explain yourself, start dropping hints to the wife. Don't be like myself and so many others on here and just dump it all on your poor wife. If her guard is still down, keep it that way. It's your biggest advantage. Personally, I feel I've set myself a good couple of years back by coming on too hard too fast with the missus.

    About the atheism thing.... I hear ya bro. I really do. Personally I always knew I would drift that way in one form or another, so I put it off a while. Took my time to fully understand WT teachings and why they are wrong... Tried on the traditional "Christian" shoes. They were comfy, but didn't quite fit.. A little narrow for my taste. It soon becomes apparent that it requires almost the same level of ignorance and flawed logic to work. THEN out came the science books. I also must have watched and listened to dozens of creation debates... Where EVERY single creationist used terrible logic, and was tossed to pieces by their opponent.

    I look forward to hearing more from you!

  • zed is dead
    zed is dead

    WELCOME!

    I dedicate this song to you tonight:

    Magic and Loss - Lou Reed

    When you pass through the fire
    You pass through humble
    You pass through a maze of self doubt
    When you pass through humble
    The lights can blind you
    Some people never figure that out

    You pass through arrogance, you pass through hurt
    You pass through an ever-present past
    And it's best not to wait for luck to save you
    Pass through the fire to the light

    As you pass through the fire
    Your right hand waving
    There are things you have to throw out
    That caustic dread inside your head
    Will never help you out

    You have to be very strong
    'Cause you'll start from zero
    Over and over again
    And as the smoke clears
    There's an all-consuming fire
    Lying straight ahead

    They say no one person can do it all
    But you want to in your head

    But you can't be Shakespeare
    And you can't be Joyce
    So what is left instead?

    You're stuck with yourself
    And a rage that can hurt you
    You have to start at the beginning again
    And just this moment
    This wonderful fire started up again

    When you pass through humble
    When you pass through sickly
    When you pass through
    I'm better than you all
    When you pass through
    Anger and self deprecation
    And have the strength to acknowledge it all

    When the past makes you laugh
    And you can savor the magic
    That lets you survive your own war
    You find that that fire is passion
    And there's a door up ahead; not a wall

    As you pass through fire, as you pass through fire
    Trying to remember its name
    When you pass through fire, licking at your lips
    You cannot remain the same

    And if the building's burning
    Move towards that door
    But don't put the flames out
    There's a bit of magic in everything
    And then some loss to even things out

    zed

  • zed is dead
  • tresdecu
    tresdecu

    Welcome Captain! Your description of what you are going through sounds like me....so many of us feeling the same things. Posting is Hard/Weird at first, but it gets easier and you'll find it to be very theraputic! Look forward to reading more of your experiences as a former elder. Take care bro!

  • Hortensia
    Hortensia

    Hi Captain B,

    welcome to the forum. You said this:

    I hate my own stupid brain for 1. letting myself be conned into believing a load of hogwash and dedicating my life to a cult, and 2. letting evil twisted apostates lead me away from Jehovah's one true (albeit flawed) organisation.

    Why not analyze why you sometimes think it's Jehovah's one true religion? Jehovah doesn't exist as far as I know. If he/she/it did exist, would he/she/it choose the WTBTS to be the true religion? Those folks can't decide what the truth is, doctrinal flipflops are a joke. Really, if there was a true religion, it wouldn't be that one.

    Just a thought from an evil twisted apostate!

  • happy@last
    happy@last

    Welcome, I know how you feel. If you can stand the hypocrisy then keep up the pretense, however I couldn't do it and ended up having a nervous breakdown. I was an elder for 10 years, and saw the nonsense behind it all. I would recommend you study the bible objectively, without the WT soin as you put it, you will find it revealing and refreshing. I hope you find inner peace soon.

  • LouBelle
    LouBelle

    Hey Captain B - welcome to the forum that has helped so many of us come to terms about TTATT (The truth about the truth) Don't hate yourself too much, again we've all been there. When something is served to you, be it a delicious dinner, money, doctrines - it's easy to take it and a lot of the time without question because it's easy. When you have to prepare that meal for hours, work hard for that money, and read up and prove/disprove doctrine - it takes more effort. Most people will run with the easy way.

    I'd say - take your time - read up on stuff, if you still want to go to meetings - go, but don't stop the questioning, the researching. You have woken up enough to question and use your brain - so do it.

    You freedom is more important than what you believe. You can continue believing in a god and if not then so what. I don't think anything like that is wrong anymore - I'm all for living a good healthy life without harm to anyone, believers and non believers - makes no difference to me.

    I wish you all the very best.

  • Captain Blithering
    Captain Blithering

    Hi again all, and thanks for the welcomes!

    Jgnat - No, that's not me, not YET anyway, the beard isn't QUITE that long! And thanks for your viewpoints, I like your pithy world view, tbh it's stuff that I've long believed in anyway but kinda skewed by the WT spin/rules/life.

    Regarding the ssSllooooooOw fade, I think I'm up for it, I'm pretty stubborn (so I'm told!). The only thing is I'm ITCHING to voice a doubt, just one, at someone, (I have a couple of brothers in mind that I feel wouldn't be quite so judgemental), just so they know where I stand and won't even consider trying to ask me to be appointed again.. Could take a load of pressure off. Could also result in being DF'd I spose too.. Hm. poop.

    I'll tell y'all what really grinds my teeth, the fact that I daren't even speak about my feelings with my better half. yes, I KNOW it's a long slow insidious process, but it's kinda ridiculous that it has to be that way. ABSOLUTELY ridiculous. (what's the WT quote, you shouldn't be made to choose between your relligion and your family.. yeh right.) We should be able to talk about ANYTHING, and maybe we could, but it's just such a gamble. Russian Roulette anyone?

    Anyways, I just wanted to say thanks for all the research you guys put in here, it's a fascinating read fo sho, I'll eventually get some questions posted once I've finished doing this stupid talk for tomorrow.. Proof for the resurrection. Working on introductions. Great. Move aside, Gigantic Wallking Hypocrite coming through.........

  • cofty
    cofty

    Welcome Captain B

  • Quandry
    Quandry

    Welcome. Have patience. Nothing has to be decided today. I like this quote (don't know who it's originally from) posted by someone on this forum:

    "Better to have questions I can't answer than answers I can't question."

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit