Terry: They are malevolent, devious, intellectually dishonest manipulators hellbent on deflection and domination at whatever means is necessary.
Nikolaus :It appears they've succeeded. For more than half a century they've maintained a dominant influence on your state of mind.
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I know a woman who was raped by her father when she was young.
She did not understand it at the time. It was, as she explains it, a combination of knowing something was not right---and having the "good" feelings of the body at the same time.
As she grew older and came to awareness about what had actually happened--the destruction to her well-being began eating away at her.
She sought therapy, counseling, groups, reading, pills.......anything to MAKE SENSE out of what had happened.
She spent years and years trying to fit a context meaningful and reasonable upon the experience.
Finally, she grieved, vented, mourned and cycled through countless variants on emotions of every color.
In our conversations I came to realize she felt GUILT but could not figure out why she should feel anything but victimhood.
She told me, "I have no place to process and deal with the (for want of a better word) GOOD feelings of being held and "loved" by my parent."
That is tough to listen to and it was tough for her to say out loud.
Why do I bring it up?
In regard to your observation above which I have quoted---I want to say to you: WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?
I trusted people who were supposedly my "brothers and sisters". I trust my Heavenly "Father". I was told I was "loved".
I tried to be "good" and obedient to a higher authority. So much of that feeling at the time was "a good feeling" of doing something positive.
In prison, an inmate grabbed me from behind and was determined to rape me. He was bigger, stronger and clever about it, too.
I can identify with the lady I was telling you about. How can I make sense of it without so many crazy and mixed-up emotions chasing each other like bugs under a street light?
I've spent the last 20 years going over every jot and tiddle of my Jehovah's Witness life and experience.
I've examined every molecule under the microscope of rational thinking, logic, psychology and self-examination.
I've read volumes. I've had conversations, arguments, participated in discussions and debates.
But--nothing.....none of it---comes close to helping me PUT IT TO REST IN MY HEART, my MIND or my "soul"!!
If that confuses you---well, lucky you. I can't help you out.