by love_ever_wanting 53 Replies latest social relationships
I understand that I can't be disfellowshipped yet, but I can't really date a JW right now without being baptised eaither, because none of them in there right mind should touch me with a ten foot pole right now.
Then it's really a nonissue until you get baptized. IMHO, you're worrying about nothing. Myself I'm glad I didn't get baptized and marred a jw. If I had when he opportunity arose I'm sure I'd be divorced and df'd for apostasy by now.
LOL Thanks jgnat!
I don't beleive all of that will go away when I get baptised, the Kingdom Hall I go to is loaded with personalities.
Trust me there are some pretty opinionated people at the Kingdom Hall too... lol. Not everyone agrees with everything the organization does.
So I guess I might not be able to be myself 100 percent at my Kingdom Hall, but I still have this site, to get things off my chest, I just have to "re-direct" my independanace, and opinions lol.
I think what I am really eager for is structure, and although, not for everyone, I can see that it would off me that.
MrsJones5: Thats true I have nothing to worry about, but hey I am still lonely lol Im so bad....
That's not so bad. That's so normal.
I've seen a study visiting the hall. He dresses as himself, nobody says anything....to his face.
The next meeting he has a tie over his t-shirt.
The next, a full suit.
His personality starts to subsume.
...
So you had a boyfriend but he was not willing to follow you down this yellow-brick road. So you had to let him go. You are in limbo because you are not "acceptable" to the Witnesses yet. When you are a Witnesses, the vast pool of available men will be curtailed because they will not be "acceptable" to you. Do you see satisfaction coming out of this formula?
...
Surely there are other organizations that offer structure without demanding your soul. How about joining the reservists? Lots of hale and hearty men there.
No, It wasn't that he was not following me, I began dating him literally weeks before I was working for the witness family. So not to long after I started getting interested, and when I started to study, I was at the point where I could not be judged for it, I could still marry him, but the sister I was studying with at the time was basically give me the "shit or get off the pot" kind of thing, because I had to legitimize my relationship with him.
So I was still willing to have him as my husband, things just changed once I told him what I was doing, he was fine at first, but then he had a hard time accepting it. I was not trying to convert him or anything, I explained to him, a marraige between us could still work, and he said okay, you can do it, but I don't want to.
In Limbo though??? Hmmmm... Yes I think I agree with you, I am kind of in Limbo, like right now I am ready for the next guy. Not really looking for Mr. Right, but Mr. Right Now...
LEW, I really like your verve. I attended a church years ago, who like the Witnesses, took the "unequally yoked" scripture very seriously. That congregation limited the potential marriage partners to other members of the same church. Partly as a consequence of that, I remained single for twenty years.
When I started to seriously look again (and I needed help. I used a dating service), I was ready to jump a wooden Indian.
jgnat,
Wow, sounds like they were trying to make an in-bred church. Which is eventually what is going to happen if they put so much limitations on it. lol
The un-equally yolked scripture makes sense though, it is put in place for our own spiritual protection.
So what happend when you found your Husband? Did they kick you out of the church? I don't imagine they would be very impressed that your husband is a JW. lol
Because of my history, obviously, I've given that unequally yoked scripture serious consideration. Compatibility in regards to belief is just one dimension. There are so many other factors that make a couple "equally yoked". Ignore those other factors to your peril.
So hubby and I have different beliefs. In other areas we are compatiable, and in some things, one fits a need the other has. At a very deep level, we are suited for each other. If we had taken the "letter of the law", we would have rejected the other outright, and missed out on a great match.
I saw plenty of rushed marriages in my church for lack of options. They were patently un-suited for each other, even when they took the scriptural admonition seriously. The same thing can be said for many Witness marriages. So much misery could have been avoided. As an aside, the divorce rate for the Witnesses is the same as for the general population, beliefs notwithstanding.
Out here in the "world", couples are taking longer to get married, and the divorce rate is falling. This improvement all without the help of Paul's advice.
I was not kicked out of my church. Not every scriptural admonition is a disfellowshipping offence.
By the way, my spirituality is not harmed, and neither is my husbands. Protection? I think the over-application of that scripture ties couples up in knots.
For all the rules any religions hold onto, I am a still a "love is love" person. I almost want to say "Just let love be"
Protection is important to witnesses, but again it does not suit everyone and in some cases it is over rated.
So when I find myself in times of trouble... Mother Mary comes to me... Speaking words of wisdom... "let it be"
LET LOVE BE! lol
I think u should avoid POF like the plague. i was inundated with contacts but there is no screening because it is free. i have a close friend who met her new lawyer husband on POF but not until she met some scary people. i tried christian mingle. still guys contacting based on looks only. Was overrwhelming. i then joined eharmony where there is screening and tons of compatibility questions. they send u a few matches per day. no browsing. i met a great guy. didnt work out because we were at surprisingly different levels in a very important area. and members have to be completely divorced or widowed which i like.
i was set up in an arranged marriage of sorts (jw) who after the wedding stole thousands from me and turned out to be a con man. i kicked him out within a yr of marriage (much later than my uber witness parents would have liked. they wanted him out a week after the wedding)
online dating has its perils and u have to be careful but i think it can be a useful tool. limiting oneself to jw's has a high chance of incompatibilities after the fact since u can spend virtually no time with them without someone standing over ur shoulder as a chaperone.
good luck. just be careful and patient. love is not sitting on every corner but i am sure it is out there.
you have options
