by flipper 106 Replies latest jw friends
Hello Flipper:
Well we lost our daughter in this mess of being DA, and I don't get to see my grandson also. We also lost a few great friends
we had for years being in the organization. So for now it's only me and my husband that keep each other sane along with JWN.
It's likely we will have to face being shunned or viewed as DA because one of our children is ill and will most definitely be receiving regular blood transfusions as part of his treatment. There are no alternatives - its either blood or he won't make it. Although the doctors would administer blood regardless of our position, because we haven't opposed it and have welcomed it, we will be shunned by our former congregation and friends. It also puts our families in the awful heartbreaking position of being able to talk to us or shun us. I only hope it wakes them up, I have a hopeful feeling that my dad will at least wake up - he has already commented on the pettiness of the orgs rules on blood.
I was gonna start a thread about this till i found this one. I just wanted to give a big shout out to everyone that has had to endure this madness, especially the ones with a huge percentage of family and friends in the org! You all are so brave and an inspiration. I was very lucky compared to all you. My parents were converts (i was a witness from 2nd grade till age 18) and all four of my siblings exited the religion behind me, my mother was DFd and i couldn't give a rats ass about anyone in the congregation anyway. My father kept contact to a minimum till my daughter, his first grandchild was born. Now he wants to spend time with her and my son (ages 3 and 1) all the time. I feel like everytime he sees the love that me n my kids have its a victory for us! I'm closer to my kids than i was to him and he can see that. I also feel like he has a hard time believing that we will be executed in his gods upcoming genocide.
I've been shunned for years and, to the degree that anyone can be, I'm used to it. However, my son is just inactive. When he got married last June, my mother (his only grandmother) and his stepmother wouldn't come to the wedding because, even though he's just inactive, he's not living a JW lifestyle. My 30 year-old son called me up crying because his grandma wasn't going to be at his wedding.
I've taken the JW abuse for years but subjecting my son to it is another thing all together. My dad (non-JW) would always talk about my mother to me and update me on her condition (she has a brain tumor) but, after the wedding, I told him that I never even want to hear her name again. I'm through with her, don't do me any favors by keeping me up to date about her. Something has crossed over in my heart and I truly don't feel any love for the lady for the first time in my life.
Seeing my aunts being treated as dirt by my own jw family made me realize at an early age that i wasnt going to let men tell me whom i could speak to.i would as a kid always go up to the red seats in the dc convention in the capital center to speak and spend time with them.Funny thing is,now they are back in the org and Don't speak to me even though i'm not dfed.
ADVENTUROUS ONE- My heart goes out to you and your husband in being shunned by your JW daughter and her influencing her son against you . I'm sure it cuts you down deep. I feel that way being shunned by my JW daughters. Please know we are here as friends and a support to you, O.K. ?
BRAINMELT- I'm so sorry to hear about your child's health problem. Good for you that you will let your child have a lifesaving blood transfusion. It's incredibly sad when your own family would shun you for saving your own child's life ! Shows how twisted the Jehovah's Witnesses really are. Hang in there we are here as a support to you.
THINKING_NOT_BELIEVING- I'm so happy to hear that most all of your relatives have escaped the JW cult. Good for you and your relatives. I hope your dad will eventually exit as well. Seeing his grandchildren I'm sure will have an effect- let's keep hoping !
ST. ANN- I'm so sorry that your mom was hateful towards your own son and didn't attend his wedding. I understand totally your not wanting to deal with her. It's sad when JW family treats those of us who have quit the JW's as contaminated like they'd get a disease from us. But it's the JW's who have the disease and it's called hate and prejudice. Sick. We are here for you Ann.
20 YEARFADER- Good for you that you never shunned your aunt. And the fact that she or they shun you now after getting back into the organization is really an evidence of how strong the cult mind control is inside the WT organization. It's like her brain has been re-conditioned ! I'm sorry you are experiencing that treatment. Hang in there friend. Amazing your aunt can't remember how it felt to be shunned herself ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
My own experience with shunning isn’t that unusual, I suppose, but there are two instances that have given me much pain. In the first one, it is the man who was my best friend who won’t resume contact. The last time we talked, two years ago, he was disfellowshipped himself. He had also fallen on hard economic times and was living with his elderly mother. I’m sure that one of the conditions she imposed on him was that he sought reinstatement. When I told both of them that I had no intention of doing so and explained a little about TTATT, they broke off further contact.
The second experience is as puzzling as it is painful. I know a man who is what we call NPG—“Non Practicing Gay”—in Witness-speak. He stood by me even after I was disfellowshipped for being a gay man, but he also continued to encourage me to “come back to the meetings and come back to Jehovah.” I ceased all my reinstatement efforts three years ago but he remained friends with me despite my decision.
What made things change between us was when I told him that I now had a partner. That was back in February and he has not spoken to me since. He has chosen celibacy, a choice I can respect even as I disagree with it, but it would seem he cannot respect my decision. His silence has been painful for me to bear, but I have chosen to grant him the right to choose it.
I don’t know if his silence is the product of envy (as some have suggested) or fear or both. What makes this all the stranger is that I know he has been thinking a lot about doing what I have already done. But he also knows that should he choose to live the life of a gay man he will have to leave the organization. He has plenty of non-Witness friends, many of whom are gay themselves, but he can’t seem to make up his mind to really embrace his identity. In any case, we are no longer speaking and I find that has created a painful void in my life.
I’m fortunate to have plenty of friends now who are true friends, unlike the fair-weather Witness kind. Still, these two losses have been difficult to accept. I’ll move past them eventually but I really wish that both of these men would wake up and smell the coffee. Staying in this cult is harming them far more than they realize.
Quendi
QUENDI- Very interesting experiences you share. I'm sorry your friends are shunning you . Thanks for sharing your experiences . It is amazing, isn't it how some of these friends and former friends of ours are so captivated by FEAR that they just won't let go of that fear in order to have relationships with us. I think some of it is the unreasonable fear that they will be " destroyed " allegedly at Armageddon - if they associate with us ex-JW's. The WT Society has REALLY been whipping up into a frenzy at the latest District Conventions about avoiding us so-called " mentally diseased " apostates. Some of these people just can't shake their superstitious beliefs. As you state- let's hope something wakes them up before they waste their entire lives on a pipedream in this high control cult
QUENDI- Very interesting experiences you share. I'm sorry your friends are shunning you . Thanks for sharing your experiences . It is amazing, isn't it how some of these friends and former friends of ours are so captivated by FEAR that they just won't let go of that fear in order to have relationships with us. I think some of it is the unreasonable fear that they will be " destroyed " allegedly at Armageddon - if they associate with us ex-JW's. The WT Society has REALLY been whipping up into a frenzy at the latest District Conventions about avoiding us so-called " mentally diseased " apostates. Some of these people just can't shake their superstitious beliefs. As you state- let's hope something wakes them up before they waste their entire lives on a pipedream in this high control cult
Wanted to bump this thread up for anybody who wanted to tell their story or how shunning has affected them or others they know. Feel free to respond. Thanks. Peace out, mr. Flipper
