Wishing you well in your troubling times.
So tired of life
by LouBelle 112 Replies latest jw friends
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*lost*
was blind lovely. I never heard that before
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tornapart
For you Loubelle...
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LouBelle
I have had a good cry - another one yesterday after I dinged my car (a hidden pipe) I had an angry cry, shouted at the world, an ugly cry. I told my mother that I didn't want to wake up to an existance, I want a life. I know she is worried that I'm going to commit suicide. She even said "think of me Lou, think how I will feel every day waking up with you not here". I was honest and told her it would hurt for her but I wouldn't be hurting.
Anyway I took a sleeping tablet to just knock me out and get rest. When I woke this morning I took a couple of rescue pills (calming effect) I have contacted the recruitment agency I did media work for and asked them to keep a look out for other opportunities with other media houses. I have a relationship with them, they know the quality of my work, so that may be a good thing.
*Big sigh* My plan of action is to take one day at a time, even if I have to break it down to one hour at a time. I know this life has brilliant things to offer and I do want to be part of that - I think that is why I get down, I want to be part of it but the circumstances I find myself in make it difficult and that hurts. I know I also need to work on the fact that my circumstances do not define who I am. That is very difficult to do - It's easier when things are going well, you have finances rolling in, can travel, can save, have your own place - when all of that is stripped from you - you're bare. I know I need to be able stand, bare and know who I am.
I know I'm not bette, I know this is going to take constant work. Perhaps admitting openly that all was not well was a good thing. I was reminded of our dear departed friend Oompa - I miss him - I say why didn't he let us know how he was hurting. I'm glad that I have this forum and that I did open up - you have all been so amazing, you are definitely extended family - this place is needed.
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LoisLane looking for Superman
LouBelle ...((((((((((((BigHugsGirl)))))))))))) It is great to hear from you!
That is wonderful that you are net working . Good for you!
Life is not how you would like it to be. I understand. When I lived in a world without love or kindness, so that I wouldn't feel sorry for myself, I read up on the Holocost, The Russian Gulag and horrible things like that. I believe it protected my humanity and fellow feeling. I learned to find happiness in little things. Electricity, flush toilets, fresh running water.
You want love, a home, a family, all of those are natural. If you do like Oompa...none of that will happen.
I am glad you are getting your rest and taking each day, sometimes one hour at a time.
We are your Friends and we want the best of life for you LouBelle .
Have you read all of your posts?
How can we help you? PM me if you like.
It is 10:30 AM Monday morning your time. I have yet to go to bed in The North Pacific and I must.
Here is hoping for a better week LouBelle .
Keep your chin up Girl. You can do it!
Just Lois saying Good Night
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*lost*
one step at a time. then one day at a time. Picture the mountain, how you gonna climb it ? one step at a time. just putting one foot in front of the other and moving forwards.
The crucial thing is momentum, as long as you are moving, forwards, it will build.
List your positives, sounds like your in a good line of work, you have the freedom to work pretty much anywhere in your field, yes ?
Would be so much worse if you had no skills and were unemployable ( which is why I think WT anti-education. Ownership and control )
You have learned the skills of being frugal and living on little amounts of cash, yes ? that has taught you the rel value of money and how to save. You spend only what is vital, your cash pot is your means of escape.
Oh yes. money can buy you happiness, lol. It is vital. It takes off the stress, gives freedom, the knock on effects are huge. You build that cash pot up one dollar at a time.
It is hard. but if don't focus on the bad stuff, and focus on the good stuff. I recall the black pit, when I pills were keeping me alive. Having to have to have sleeping pills everynight. I read, read read books, true stroies, people that suffered depression etc, one has to strengthen the brain as well. I also find them therapeutic and medicinal.
Actually one of the books I read, which was briliant, was about a woman who was S African. She went to america, ended up in Britain. Her story was hard going, cos of the things she suffered. It all hit her when she was grown, married and with kids herself. nearly destroyed her.
lol, your mother, tell her she needs to think of you, first, put you, first, not herself. After all that is what mothers do, anything for their kids. Even so far as to being prepared to sacrifice their own lives for their kids.
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*lost*
LOU - I found the book.
Out Of The Dark by Linda Caine and Robin Royston.
'One woman's harrowing journey to discover her past.
Life for Linda should hold no fears. As a contened wife and mother, he should haave everything to live for. Yet a blackness has started to leak into her thoughts. Images flash through her head leaving her stunned and breathless.
On the face of it, there is no rational explanation for the way she feels. Linda believes there is something malign inside her.
When it finally gets too much, she can always simply die. She satrts to plan how, it must look like an accident. Deliberate car crash, on her way home from doing the grocery shopping. After all who commits suicide with a load of groceries in their car?
The raw and powerful journey that Linda takes with her psychotherapist Robin royston to discover what lies at the heart of her depression will leave you shocked. the secrets in her African childhood and adolescence are buried so deep that to reveal them may destroy her completely. Nothing is what it seems, no-one is above suspicion. together Linda and Robin race to unravel the clues, before it is to late.
Out of the Dark is Linda's remarkable and uplifting story from the agonies of mental breakdown to the painful piecing together of the past that was vital for her survival. Both her courage and Robins persistence during that process show the pwer of the human spirit at its most indomitable and inspiring.
Linda Caine is a self-taught artist and calligrapher. Her work is in private collections in Africa, the Isle of Man, england and the United Staes of America.
Dr Robin Royston is a practising psychiatrist and psychotherapist who specialises in trauma-based problems stemming from childhood.
She says in the intro;
The writing of this book has been a remarkable story in its own right, and has taken me from America to England and Zimbabwe, and back again.
The staff at Ticehurst Hospital between 1989 - 1991. The staff at Chaucer Hospital between '89-'91.
Thanks to her christian friends.
She's 37 when 'it' starts.
They read a book '' Anxiety and depression''. The psychological symptoms. She re-reads ch 3; 'Self-help Ways of Overcoming Anxiety and Depressin. Ch4; When to go to the doctor, she says she can't face that one.
At this point the darkness has taken over. the it all starts to go downhill and unfold.
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Hope this helps some.
How would you feel about starting a new Post. about what it's like where you live there in Africa. I'd love for you to describe what it's like there. It's such a fascinating country.
If you would like a bit more info on this Linda's story, I don't mind typing it out here. It's a great book.
much love
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tornapart
Loubelle.. keep talking to us, keep doing what you're doing one step at a time. We're all here for you, we may be distant physically but we are all here for you in heart and in spirit.
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Chariklo
Oh, Loubelle, I'm so sorry you're so depressed. I haven't read every page here, but I can't let this go by qithout at least saying hello and giving you a huge cyber-hug.
(((((((((((((((Loubelle))))))))))))
Things WILL get better. Life goes in cycles. You are in the middle of a great big down time, when it seems like everything that can possibly go wrong will go wrong. But it will pick up. Truly.
As others have said, take it one step at a time, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.
One positive thing you can do is to begin making yourself a scrapbook of lovely things, things you really like, places you love, even ones you haven't seen yet but just love the look of. Things you want, if that feels right to do, but better to ophrase it in your mind as things that you are definitely going to have one day.
May sound silly, but it isn't. It can really help to get you out of this big downer.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((One more hug)))))))))))))))))))))))
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flipper
LOUBELLE- Mrs. Flipper and I were out of town this weekend, just saw this today. I just want you to know that we love you dearly as a friend and we will be here for you in anyway possible. Here's a couple flowers from both of us to you . Hugs as well. Sending you a PM with our phone numbers if you ever want to chat, O.K. ? Lots of great advice here from cool, loving friends. Love you , Mr. & Mrs. Flipper