LouBell,
Sounds like you are thinking about suicide which is a permanent solution to a TEMPORARY problem. Many of us have had the thoughts of just wanting it to be over and once I had this pointed out to me that where I was emotionally was a Temporary State of Mind.
I feel that when the JW doctrine of Paradise Earth doesnt come when soooo many looked for it as a way to solve their problems it can be overwhelming when it doesnt come soon enough and then realization it probably is never going to come can be too overwhelming.
PLEASE think that where you are today could change in ways you can't image within the next hour or day or month, etc. Sometimes I just have to keep my mantra that " the Universe will provide for me" and I will trust what I am going through now (even if not what i think I want) will still work out for my better good.
Keep the faith (whatever that may be for you) this life is worth fighting/living for and that you are reaching out on here is proof you still are fighting PLEASE keep doing this and reaching out to others where you live to find strength to keep strong because you are a blessing to others as they are to you.
Love and Peace my friend,