So tired of life

by LouBelle 112 Replies latest jw friends

  • Joe Grundy
    Joe Grundy

    I hope that Loubelle won't mind me posting this on her thread.

    I've been asked several times since I've been here on JWN just what my interest is - I never was a dub and I have no family in. I've answered several times - what began (and remains) an academic interest has been rather overtaken by personal concern for many who have suffered so much at the hands of this cult.

    I've had the privilege of meeting at least one (former) JWN contributor and, I hope, helping them to assimilate into the normal 'wordly' world.

    I see my role (if I have one at all) as being a flawed worldly person who can at least demonstrate that us 'ordinary' people can care for and help others where we can with no need for any sub-dialogue about religion or anything else. Sorry, I don't mean to sound saintly because that's the last thing I am, but I hope you get my meaning. That role may have little or no value, of course. I am not an 'anti-activist'.

    As I understand it, JWs are taught that their 'brothers and sisters' will love them and care for them, and that 'worldlies' are evil and won't. Well, my little experience and my time here on JWN has shown that that is just not true.

    It is too simplistic, of course, to suggest that all of the problems and issues exJWs face are as a result of them being exJWs. But I have no doubt that the trauma of being a compliant member of a controlling cult, exacerbated by the added trauma of leaving (and all that that brings) can only too often and too easily make these problems and issues worse.

    Some/most/all of us have times when we feel low and ask ourselves the usual (mostly negative) questions - yes, if we're honest, even us 'big macho' ex-cops. I can only guess how much worse that must be with the JW baggage added on.

    Things can and often do get better. Sometimes the answer is a hug and someone to hold your hand. (Mushy stuff from an ex-cop, but I'm a mushy bloke).

  • Hortensia
    Hortensia

    I'm sure part of the problem, Loubelle, is that your job sucks and you can't find another one. I've been there -- it is really depressing. Might be time to borrow money from someone and go to school to learn a new career -- or move to another country. I wonder if you'd like nursing? I think nurses always have jobs or can move to a different location and find a job.

  • jean-luc picard
    jean-luc picard

    loubelle.

    youve had a very tough year. I've been reading up your posts. Keep believing in yourself. You're trying hard and that WILL pay off in the end. Good luck. I'm watching out for some good news soon from you.

    In the meantime, heres a big cyberhug..

  • whathappened
    whathappened

    LouBelle, you are so beautiful and we all love you her girl.

    I have felt as you do many times. Gladly, I ride it out and it goes away. I hope yours does. Please go get help. Do not take drastic measures. Can you come stay with me for a while? I live in the midwest, USA.

  • Stealth
    Stealth

    Hang in there, hope things get better for you soon.

  • The Quiet One
  • The Quiet One
    The Quiet One

    Please, do not give up on life.. I have been in a similar place more times than anyone could guess, when a brief and FIRM decision to NOT do something can make all the difference, and the one thing that I can tell you is this.. Not only will you come out of this dark place, for however long that may be.. You WILL look back on this day and be thankful that you didn't act on your thoughts. You will help someone in a way that nobody else could have, and you may not even realise it at first.. Or you will have a time, even just a moment.. when an animal, a nearby park, or something as simple as looking out at your garden whilst the sun shines down on your face, looks so much more beautiful than you had ever noticed before.. That peaceful time, that interaction with a fellow human being who may change your life or you change theirs.. That time when your problem fades into the background.. You WILL experience something that will help you out of this, but only if you choose to not act right now..And tomorrow is a different day, a NEW day..Then you can talk to someone if you feel ready. We care about you, and we look FORWARD to reading your next post.. And the one after that, because no matter how tired you may feel of living.. WE will NEVER tire of you.

  • Joe Grundy
    Joe Grundy

    For LouBelle -

    and whoever else needs it -

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WJ1cf3nrLE

  • DesirousOfChange
    DesirousOfChange

    LouBelle--

    I understand how you feel, as I am in a situation that absolutely sucks right now as well. I've been depressed and even had bad thoughts that I know are ridiculous to even entertain as I know of so many persons who are worse off and yet content with life and are enjoying life.

    It's obvious by all of your posts that you are a kind, sweet, loving and caring person.

    Hang in there!

    Things will look sunny tomorrow!

    Doc

  • *lost*
    *lost*

    omg loubelle

    Bang on girl.

    thank you so much for posting this. I don't know you at all as I'm a newbie.

    But you have said how I have been feeling this past few days.

    ( we always blame it on the moon and hormones ... )

    It does my head in, right in. Swing from wanting to sit in a heap crying - to wanting to scream go beserk and tear things apart ( like a rabid dog )

    it's sooooooooooooooo hard.

    so fucking hard.

    This shit world with shit people (present company excluded cos this community seems to have the only sane logical people left, lol )

    It sucks. Cling to the little things, the good things you got. You know it passes. Be strong.

    chin up

    this place is the only sanity I got sometimes in this crazy world.

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