Leaving... (page 4)

Pickler

Fingers crossed for you Lou B, if the job is making you so unhappy, get out!

Have a good nights sleep & re think it, things look better in the morning.

Well, LB, saying your goodbyes has an ominous tone. Makes us worried. I guess right now you can't see your way forward. One foot in front of the other, that's the way. I've been there - 30-some years ago. I'm a testament to how things can get better if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

talesin

LB, been there, in being treated so badly,,, but this late pay thing is the icing on the cake~!

Do what you need to do. Know that you have support (I hope in your RL) in a big way, here.

James Thomas

jean-luc picard

Hi Loubelle.

I agree with Loz. I dont know how the healthcare system works in your country, but if your doctor could put you on sickleave for a week or two: its clear to us that you need a break. Sick leave isnt just for bad backs and runny noses.

Try and get some time for yourself, stand back and appraise your situation. In anycase, it seems that sooner or later you must change your job.

Good luck. We shall be thinking about you, in our little corner of the globe.

minimus

I wish yo the best and I do believe that you would benefit if you saw a doctor because you are generally going thru so many ups and downs....good luck!!

Jaidubdub

Hope all goes well LB

life is to short

I am worried about you. Many on this thread have given you good advice.

I am just so sorry for what you are going through, I have been so low like you in a horrible job and I thought there was no way out also but to take my life, things worked out through but it was beyond painful at the time. Pioneering was one of the times I truly thought about taking my life because all the other pioneers HATED me so much in the car groups and I felt beyond trapped with my husband being an elder and so much expected of me being an elders wife. But life changed and I made it through, you will too. Please do not harm yourself over this even though you are so low.

My heart just breaks for you, telling you to just hang in there and tomorrow will be better is just so stupidly hollow. I wish I had some magic words to say but I do not know what to say. I remember being told stupid stuff when I was crying my eyes out at the meetings and it just made everything so much worse. There was this one sister who kept running into me when I was so low and the stupid things that came out of her mouth still hurt till this day. Please becareful not to listen to stupid people.

All I can say is please do not harm yourself, this job is not worth it and we all truly love and care about you on this board. Please take care of yourself and you health first.

LITS

ruderedhead

(((LouBelle))) You have to take care of your emotional health, or your physical health will suffer as well. You have been given some sage advice from some on here. Please try and get your ducks in a row before you hand in your resignation. That is, if you think you can bear it. I'm not talking about months, maybe just a week or two to line up your next job, even if it is a temp position, talk to creditors, etc. Hopefully the temp agency can place you in a job quickly that will be a better fit for you.

Then, if possible, please get some professional help. I gather from some of your posts that you have been through the wringer. I think you carry that burden by yourself, and that can be a heavy load. You have been so kind to others on here, you are much needed and appreciated. Please allow a professional to help you if possible. Allow them to remove some of your burden, LouBelle. You deserve to be happy. Wishing you much happiness.

rudered

whathappened

LouBelle, I know it sounds bad, but I filed bandruptcy 3 years ago and I don't regret it. I used to come home and dread opening the mailbox. Once you file bandruptcy they are not allowed to continue to try to collect from you. All phone calls stop and all mails stop. It was wonderful and I am not sorry I did it.

LouBelle

What support - thank you. I know I'm in very delicate stage, probably boardering on crazy or on a nervous breakdown.

I broke down again in the toilet at work and then proceed to wrote my goodbye to my mother. I put down all the important legal stuff. I must say I felt so at peace afterwards, like I could breathe. I just have to collect all the important papers and put them together to make it easier.

Last nigh I sat down and spoke with her about my life, my decisions, where I've gone wrong. I don't have any dependents needing me to be around, I don't have a husband - this makes leaving that much easier. I told her I would rather her know that it was no fault of hers, not because of the faith, just because I am unhappy and I don't see a way out or a happy ending. And if by some remote chance there is a happy ending - it's probably years down the line, and I don't want to waste years being so so unhappy - it's just not worth it. I know I upset her.

To leave the job and ......to risk unemployment for an undetermined period ..... in south africa - being colour challenged (please don't take offence folks - just stating a fact) is suicidal in itself.

To stay and be miserable for who knows how long....

No win win here.

I don't know if I'll have the courage to go through with it. I want too - I want the quiet. I want the headaches, the crying, the breathlessness, the pain to stop you know. That peace.

I used to have such a lust for life, an easy smile. It's gone.

I am sure some people are thinking "ah just suck it up man" "there are worse people out there". And yes I guess you are right. I think there just comes a point when enough is enough and you don't want to suck it up and you don't want to compare yourself with others.

I have always been a fighter, from small. I remember looking after myself from about the age of 5 - I used catch the bus by myself, walk home by myself. I used stay by myself over night, lock the flat up and put myself to bed. I was independent. I have never relied on anyone becuase I learnt people will hurt you and disappoint you, sometimes time and time again. So I don't give people that power - some may say I'm hard *shake head* I'm honest about the shit people put you through. Even in the faith, I had to fight to prove that I wasn't drunk or answer for curly hair, a loud laugh. In the work place when my boss demoted me, messed my 'section' up, I fought. When my uncle was ill, I fought for him, for his treatment.

From all of this I have achieved nothing except exhaustion. I don't have any more fight left in me. I just want it to end.

At work yesterday I made a huge effort to call clients - these are cold calls that generate no results, a useless waste of time. I only feel worse by the time the close of day comes.

My dreams are full of spiders - I hate spiders! Spiders can represent a feeling of being trapped . It represents some ensaring and controlling force. you feel that someone or something is sucking the life right out of you....how is that! Yup I'm in Shelobs' sights.

I know a dear friend on here is going to be disappointed in me - I'm sorry. That fierceness you saw in my eyes 3/4 years ago is gone. I just want to close my eyes and sleep and sleep and sleep. If ever I wake up I want that feeling of being renewed and refreshed, not still exhausted.

I'm jumping all over the place today.

The only thing that really makes me sad is my brother - I don't think he understands why I'm the way I am. I think he thinks I should just get over it already. He is much younger than me....still young, still got his whole life ahead of him. Kid won't listen to me and get into tennis - he's got so much talent, a bit of coaching and he could definitely make top 10 in the world.

All right - Another hour and a half left at work!

Leaving...