My son contemplates suicide.

by dmouse 41 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  sf

  "...and this is the gospel truth, this elder told Benjamin that Satan had found a weakness in the congregation (Benjamin) and was using him to disrupt the peace and unity of the congregation! Now that the elders were aware of the Devil’s plan they could act to remedy the situation."

  This is so mind numbing when you hear it. I remember full well. It really messes with you; well into adulthood too, if not nipped early.
  It haunts you. You want to block it, yet it isn't easy and it is always there once uttered.

  My concurrences are with Dave. If I were the parent in this "epic", I would certainly make sure the counselor is Aware! of this very utterance that was thrown at your son like a speeding dagger. It was meant to penetrate his very spirit. That's abuse! Sometimes, the worst "kind" for a child is the raping of THEIR SPIRIT. I know.

  Please relay this Rape to his counselor.

  Glad to WITNESS the Smiles!
  {{{{hugs}}}}}
• 

  jaded

  My heart goes out to you and your son. What the elders told your son just sickens me. If your son really wants to study with the elders and you agree with it maybe you should insist on sitting in on the study. That way you will know exactly what is going on. After all you are the head of the house and your son is a minor. Just something to consider...
• 

  Scully

  dmouse:

  If it were my son being "told" that he "needed" to have an extra Bible study with an elder every Wednesday night because "the devil was using him", I would be so RIPPING ANGRY!

  I would call up that arrogant, abusive SOB elder and tell him that he would be the LAST PERSON permitted to study the Bible with MY SON.

  You, yourself are adequately equipped to study with your own son. You could take a WTS publication - any one of the hundreds of them - and REALLY study them with Benjamin. You are in a great unique position, now that Benjamin has seen "Watchtower Love" in full bloom, you can gently, carefully show him that this isn't the only thing wrong with the WTS.

  Please try to find out what Benjamin's motivations are for consenting to the Bible study. Is it because he wants back in the fold so he can have his fairweather friends again? Is it because he feels guilty? Does he REALLY believe that the Devil would pick HIM - a young boy who isn't even baptized as a JW - to cause divisions in the congregation?? Why or why not??

  Benjamin's "study" can wait until he's had a chance to talk with a counsellor. At this point, the elders are busy with "damage control" and they sure as hell know it. Don't help them out of their own guilt so easily. They surely wouldn't accept any responsibility or bloodguilt if Benjamin had gone through with a suicide attempt already, so don't let them off the hook now.

  Love, Scully

  
  
• 

  invisible

  Celtic:

  A psychiatrist might be a bit strong for him to handle at 14, but I certainly reccommend a CPN to just talk things through with him, this can be arranged simply enough through your doctor. Or a therapist / counsellor once again provided by your local doctor's surgery. These people I found can be a lot freer within the system to help your son out. Also, although there's generally a bit of a waiting list, you might try asking your Doc' about the provision of an Art Therapist.

  If you want me to check out medical practioners in your area experienced in these issues, I'm more than happy to try to locate for you.

  My personal reccommendation from here is a Dr Jan Payne, Clinical Psychologist, very good indeed and knows the issues inside out. She's very good indeed. could ask her if you like for any suggestions for you, would that assist you?

  Kindest regards

  Celtic

  If you need to, feel welcome to mail me: [email protected]

  Edited to include email address
• 

  jst_me

  I had to take my daughter to counseling, as she tried to kill herself when she was about 12. She is clinically shy, very incredible girl but she has a hard time with socializing (quite the opposite from your boy!) You cannot play around with suicide threats, not to mention an attempt. I would go to his dr, and get him a good check-up. Besides the fact that the stupid "elders" are putting far more stress on him than any teenager should have to bear, it would be good to make sure there are no underlying medical reasons for his depression. I bet his dr would freak if he knew what kind of situation he is in...

  With my daughter, they put her on zoloft for about 6 mos to get her out of her depression. She goes to a counselor, to get social training (I shudder to think what would have happened to her if we would have stayed in...), she also has something called sensory integration disorder, which basically means she has a hard time dealing with some sensory distractions (and to think I spanked that poor baby cuz the old sisters told me it would make her less fussy...yikes). She works very hard to stay off meds..she is still really shy...but she is turning into an incredible young woman.

  ANYWAYS...I know your son's situation is alot different, but I would go to the dr and tell him what's up. I remember when I was about 16, and told my mother I didn't want to be a JW cuz I didn't believe it. She smacked me in the face, and they cut off any of my outside association and made me study aLOT and an elder's wife studied with me. I turned into a good jw girl because I wanted my family to love me, I couldn't take the stress anymore and I caved. I didn't have anyone to help me see that it WAS ok to think differently, and so I got married at 19 and had my 1st kid at 20. I could have gone to college free when I was 17, instead of struggling thru as a single mom ten years later. Your son has YOU. He looks so full of life and goofy....help him hang on to that.
• 

  termite 35

  So,so sorry to read all of this,I agree that a bible study is NOT a good thing at all. It may be very confusing and start another similar problem a few months down the line.Also,a relative of mine committed suicide after seeming so much happier.She was happy because she'd ralised setting a date for her death made her happy to know exactly WHEN the pain would stop...Reborn is right.You can never know for sure,best to er on the side of caution.I would use my sons' unhappiness as the reason I was withdrawing him from any negative jw association.But let the real? friends he has visit, as when your whole life falls apart as his has it'd be nice for him to feel they hav'nt all deserted him;and it'll be THEM he'll be 'mourning' and 'new' friends can't stop you grieving over old ones yet.Lots of love to him and you.I think i'll talk to my children a little more often about how they feel to be 'out'.I usually wait for them to bring it up, but from now on i'll bring it up periodically;his terrible time is going to help alot of others-wolud you tell him that? xxx
• 

  invisible

  You may also like to check out his legal rights under the 1989 Child Protection Act, these days, there are more counsellor's aware of how this Parliamentary Act may assist parents and children alike involved with JW's. Also, with what has been said to him by this elder, The European Court of Human Rights might have some information.

  Hope these two factors help a little.

  Celtic
• 

  taymor58

  I can also attest first hand to the emotional blackmail we endured as witnesses. When I was a teenager, I seriously considered leaving. My mother caught wind of my feelings and told me that because my father was the presiding elder and she was a regular pioneer, I had to set an example for the other kids in the congregation. She said if I left, it could very easily cause other kids to leave, and then their blood would be on my hands in God's eyes! I would be held responsible for other people's decisions! Talk about a guilt trip. And it worked too. Later, after I had left the Witnesses, my dad died. My mother "requested" that I not attend the memorial service. I honored her request. A few months later, I traveled to my hometown to check on my mom to see how she was doing. At first, she tried not to acknowledge that I was standing there. Finally, she broke down and said she wished I was dead, then she would be able to handle "her" loss of her son better than knowing I was still out there, displeasing God. Boy if that didn't make me feel good! My son recently told me (he's 21) that he is getting away from the witnesses. He was never baptized. He said he just felt like he never fit in anywhere in the congregation for as long as he could remember. My daughter, on the other hand, (she's 17) is very stronly entrenched, yet cannot stand her mother and new step dad. So she took the only way out she knew how - she just got married a few months ago. It is truly sad what the witnesses put their kids though! I only hope that more of them start having doubts enough to do something about it. I think as more time goes on and the end doesn't arrive, more people will begin to see the light.
• 

  Preston

  Danger-Mouse and Benjamin *HUGS*. I am soooooo sorry your dealing with what you're dealing with right now. I can only reiterate what many people here have already said. I hope the tears that are in my eyes as I write this prove how sad I feel for you guys. I stongly agree with what has already been said, I agree that some form of exit counseling will help. I strongly believe that if Benjamin makes the decision to not be a J.W. anymore then this will be the toughest decision he will make, although the rewards are very satisfying. You guys are in my thoughts in prayers tonight. I hope things go well. Please e-mail me when u get the chance.

  *HUGS* Preston.
• 

  LyinEyes

  dear dmouse and your precious son, please help him to build his self worth. My mother commited suicide at the age of 35 due to that very thing. Help your son and daughter to find friends outside of the borg,
  my son has had a childhood friend who is pentecost and we never stopped them from being together. We just enrolled him in tae kwon do, and he loves it, his best friend is doing it with him. His friend is also going thru alot of what he is with religion , since his mother is a devout pentecost. Kids just want and need to be kids,
  talk to him everyday, help him with research about the jw organization.Get him out of the house and involved in real life, tell him to hell with all the so called good associations because i know as my son, who by the way is 15 , that they are not at all angels . Let him know you want him to have a free mind and take the time to decide what he wants to do . It may take time for him to do it but leaving the jw is a lenghty process, recovery takes years some say.
  Just watch him everyday for signs of depression and if necessary take him to a doctor or someone who can help him, I wish I would have known about that kind of thing when my mom needed help so bad. God bless you and your children.