A JW husband emailing his ex-girlfriend after his wife reveals her apostasy

by JimmyPage 30 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  JimmyPage

  A woman I've known for years recently confided in me. She told me she found out her JW husband had been secretly e-mailing his JW ex-girlfriend. He was telling his ex about how difficult it had been for him since his wife was now basically an apostate. She confronted her husband about these e-mails and the husband and ex seemed to no longer be in contact.

  But then a year later she said they had been in contact again! She said there were numerous e-mails but none of them were romantic in nature except one that said, "You have been on my mind today, all day :)". She also said he had been wanting to talk with his ex on the phone and skype with her (although he said it wouldn't involve video skype, just instant messages). He even hid her skype name under the name of a family member to deceive her. When she confronted her husband about it again he insisted they were just friends. She wanted to know my opinion on the situation (and I definitely had one!)

  But I'm curious what the board would tell her as well?
• 

  happy@last

  The fact she has spoken to you about it means she has her doubts about him, I do too. Is the ex married too?
• 

  carla

  She could write NY and ask what they think about it and how her Christian friends (non jw's) think he is being unfaithful. It doesn't matter that the wife is not a jw or even an apostate, he is giving the borg a bad name and you know how much they care about that!
• 

  tiki

  he's a sleazy hypocrite. and i would guess he's got a plan...
• 

  mrsjones5

  He's having an emotional online affair. Take offensive action.
• 

  jgnat

  It's emotional infedelity, which might be worse. He's no longer seeking out his wife to share his innermost thoughts.
• 

  BluesBrother

  Silly so and so , leaving a traceable record..You would have thought that he would have learned the first time...Perhaps it is just friendship and moral support? Perhaps not, or he would like it to be more.....?

  If she has any contact with his congregation, let them know of her concerns, they will warn him off. If she cannot do that then it conventional means of checking on a potentially wayward man .. email records , phone records on his phone and so on. Sounds very much like something is happening, or soon will be ( and leading to )
• 

  respectful_observer

  but none of them were romantic in nature except one that said, "You have been on my mind today, all day :)". She also said he had been wanting to talk with his ex on the phone and skype with her (although he said it wouldn't involve video skype, just instant messages). He even hid her skype name under the name of a family member to deceive her.

  ...........................

  There is ZERO CHANCE that nothing is going on between them. If it's not physical (yet), it's at least emotional. I have seen this pattern happen with several JW couples (and I'm sure it happens with plenty of non-JW couples too.

  1. The language of the email quoted above is emotionally charged...all the way down the emoticon. I have been shown countless texts and emails like that one, and in every single case it ended up the spouse was cheating.

  2. He's hiding his communication with her from his wife. You only hide it if you have a reason too hide it.

  If she's wants a better idea how much they're communicating, get online and look at the cell phone and text records from the last few months. It won't tell you the content of the texts, but it will show how often they're communicating. Even if she doesn't know this woman's phone number, dollars to donuts, she'll find a number she doesn't recognize that he's been texting back and forth with like crazy the last few weeks.

  Also, if she gets the chance she should check his cell phone call log, but especially his text log. If it's empty, or very near empty, it's a sure sign he's diligently deleting the texts/calls he sends/receives just in case anyone looks at his phone. All signs that something is going on.

  If he complains about her "snooping", tell her to pose this hypothetical to him:

  "Forget texting; forget Skype IMs; forget emails. If none of those existed, you'd have to be sending postcards/letters to each other. How would you feel-- how do you think I would feel-- if every day we came home from work, there were X number of postcards from her sitting in our mailbox? Is that appropriate for a married man to be getting that many letter/postcards from a woman not his wife every day?"

  R_O
• 

  DATA-DOG

  That's sad.. This happens. Spiritual incompatability occurs when the WTBTS makes a borg, or one borg wakes up. Then tension exists where there was never any tension. The bond to the ORG must be stronge than a family bond. Also, many JW's get married when they are barely legal adults. It's all sunshine, rainbows and kitten tickles because the END is so close. Then reality sets in.

  The hubby is way off base. He could cry " SPIRITUAL ENDANGERMENT!" and probably get away with kicking his wife to the curb.
• 

  DesirousOfChange

  If she's not worried about being at risk of being DFd (how apostate is she?), she could easily write the CO or WTS Service Desk all humbly and worried -- all such correspondence would be sent to the local Elders. It'd give them some "busy work" to take care of. It probably wouldn't help her relationship with the hubby, but it isn't good at this point anyway. Depends on if she's working to save the marriage or thinks it's shot already.

  Doc