A JW husband emailing his ex-girlfriend after his wife reveals her apostasy (page 2)

AndDontCallMeShirley

She could write NY and ask what they think about it and how her Christian friends (non jw's) think he is being unfaithful. It doesn't matter that the wife is not a jw or even an apostate, he is giving the borg a bad name and you know how much they care about that!

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Unfortunately, anymore it is not what's right that prevails in the cong., but who you are. This man being a JW will garner him a lot of protection/leniency over his "apostate" wife.

I've seen this kind of thing first hand. Elders will either handle a situation correctly, seeing an emotional affair for what it is-dangerous, or they'll dismiss it as "trivial" if they happen to like the person carrying on the affair more than they like their spouse/victim. The advice to the victim will likely be to just take it, let your spouse do what they want.

The hoops Elders will jump through to defend the wrongdoer can be quite astonishing.

5go

When I hear the words "emotional affair" I suddenly remember why I never tried to get married.

LisaRose

The fact that he is contacting a former girlfriend and trying to hide it (even after being caught before) is a huge betrayal of trust and a giant red flag, and it is quite likely he will eventually cheat. It may be possible he is hoping she will leave, so he can get a scriptural divorce. If she wants to preserve the marriage, they should get marriage counseling. UnIess he agrees to counseling and complete transparency (she has access to all phone and emails), she might as well call it quits now and save the heartache. My husband and I caught our neighbor going out with another woman (twice in one week). He told his wife about it, fearing we would tell her first, at that point he hadn't yet slept with her. Despite this, he still went on to have an affair. The heart wants what it wants, once things have progressed to that point, the chances of salvaging the marriage are pretty slim, in my experience.

AndDontCallMeShirley

Despite this, he still went on to have an affair. The heart wants what it wants, once things have progressed to that point, the chances of salvaging the marriage are pretty slim, in my experience.

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Studies reveal that emotional affairs, if left unchecked, always lead to physical affairs.

Which makes it even more maddening that Elders can trivialize it as a phase and do nothing about it....depending on who you are, of course.

OnTheWayOut

I try to relate. He is reaching out to someone who would understand his predicament.

I have plenty of ex-JW friends who understand my situation better than never-JW family and friends. Plenty of them are ladies. But none of them are ex-girlfriends and none of the ladies married to a JW husband are regularly contacted except for group activities.

It would seem to me that he is definitely attempting to continue an emotional affair, possibly just waiting for a reason to divorce and have someone else already there for him.

Newly Enlightened

Sorry your friend is going thru this. Doesn't even the WTBT$ consider this on-line dating? I will find that article and get back to you.

Mad Sweeney

I think recommendations on what to do depend largely upon what she wants at this point.

Is being married to an active JW a marriage worth saving? Is any marriage in this situation worth saving?

I was raised Borg and got married young. Never lived on my own until my divorce in my 40s. Had I known earlier what I know now, I'd have ended the marriage years ago. So I guess one of my points is that this could be a great opportunity.

ruderedhead

As always, the people on here have great insight. May I add to this?

She needs to be quiet for a while, and make sure she gets a paper trail. Print out what she can from the computer & keep it in a safe place. Forward any txt msgs to her phone(making sure to erase the forward from his phone so he doesn't know.) Anything she can get. If she decides she has had enough, she can take copies to his elders as well as the womans, mail evidence to the co and NY. They know full well what they are doing is frowned upon. He is a sneaky little bas****, and will continue this. He's playing the poor me game. Isn''t there a scripture that says you may win your husband over without a word? Doesn't that apply to wives as well? Who's the real apostate?

Stealth

He even hid her skype name under the name of a family member to deceive her.

When she confronted her husband about it again he insisted they were just friends.

Telling.... If just friends, then why the need to try and hide the name?

AndDontCallMeShirley

She needs to be quiet for a while, and make sure she gets a paper trail. Print out what she can from the computer & keep it in a safe place.

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Good advice. The more he knows he's being watched, the more covert his tactics will become.

A JW husband emailing his ex-girlfriend after his wife reveals her apostasy

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