So my family has obviously been noticing over the past several months that I've been missing meetings and FS. I've had excuses sometimes, but not others, so my parents are definitely getting that this is more than a long bout of illnesses or fatigue. I just received an email invitation to join them in service this weekend. It's worded in such a way that I cannot feign being ill, tired, busy, working, home repairs, you name it, to get out of it. It's like a line in the sand- are you coming or are you not? I'm obviously not, never, no way, no how, forget it- but what do I say? I'm heartbroken over this, seeing that it may be the beginning of the end of my time with my family. It's like having to choose the day I want my whole family to die because I'll never see them again as soon as I say what I need to say.
Family is drawing the line in the sand
by dissonance_resolved 51 Replies latest jw friends
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Stauros
Let them know the truth about how you feel. Do not hide the truth from them or decieve them. At the same time spend time with them not foresaking the love that you have for your family.....
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earthfire
I'm sorry for what you're facing. I agree with Stauros, be honest with how you feel. Pray about it ask the universe for help (whatever your beliefs are) then write a letter. Explain how you feel and why. This may be the only chance you really have to tell them your point of view. But be prepared that they probably won't understand. But before you do that lay out why you are leaving, for you. Get it on paper so that it's clear in your head. Much love and support to you.
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Coffee House Girl
Dissonance ..... I am so sorry. I know what it is like to want to delay & draw it out as long as possible, you love your family and don't want to give up a relationship with them, but eventually you can't escape the line in the sand-
But you can put the ball in their court...if you don't want to reveal your true feelings about the "truth" (so that they run scared thinking you've become an apostate), you can formulate a broken record response to every probing question they ask such as...."thank you for loving me and for your concern, but I am going through a hard time/depression right now and I need to work on it my way, so no I am not going out in service with you on Saturday." You do not have to spill your guts if you don't want to, sometimes a simple no without a lot of explanations is best. Just keep repeating the same answer until they have no where else to go in the conversation, then change the subject...ask how they are doing-how's work, health, etc. Tell them how much you love them, and assure them that you are doing what is best for you.
just my two cents,
CHG
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sarahsmile
Keep it simple!
Step by Step Instructions
1) Find delete button on your computer.
2) Put your finger on the key.
3) Press down on the button.
4) Temporarily place family members in your block list. They will just think you changed your email.
Try to live a drama free life style.
Never admit anything to family.
The above does not apply to minors.
Really do you feel special getting emails with invitations?
How about if you actually think enough of them that you call and ask if they want to meet for dinner.
Dinner,
People are egomania so just let them talk about whatever.
You do not need to answer questions politely change the subject and talk about them.
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Hortensia
"what email? I never got an email. You sure you sent it to the right address? There must be some place out in the ether where lost emails go. Why, that's why I quit using (name any email provider) because it always lost emails or put them in the spam file and I forget to check there. I bet that's what happened. Do you ever get email lost in your spam file? It bugs me. And now I find out that even though I can't find my emails, the US government CAN. Did you hear that they are collecting everyone's emails? At least that's what I hear on the news. Can't be true. What about that guy who leaked all that info about the govt spying on us and then disappeared from Hong Kong? Do you think that's a sign of the time of the end -- the government spying on everyone?"
Blah blah blah. Don't give them time to interrupt or ask questions.
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sspo
Just tell them you just cannot go out there preaching, just having some doubts and until you resolve them you cannot preach.
You would just be buying some time now but eventually like the rest of us you have to deal head on with your family.
There is no nice or sweet way to handle it.
Good luck and hope your family will be kind toward you.
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Nathan Natas
Tell them you will be there and then don't show up.
That will show them how much control over you they have.
If pressed for an excuse, just say "something came up, sorry" and let it go at that.
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ABibleStudent
Hi dissonance_resolved, I am sorry that your family is trying to create a no-win situation for you to control you. You have many choices: lie to your family, let them control you, tell them the truth and be shunned by them, etc.
How would your family react to you telling them that you love them unconditionally and that you are researching your beliefs like the Bereans? If they say that they will be shunning you, you can tell them that it is their choice and that life is too short and unpredictible to love conditionally and be filled with regrets.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
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sarahsmile
If your husband is not attending but a couple times a month what does he say?
Hmmm, perhaps you should tell your mother the truth without sharing your doubts.
Let your mother know what a loving and wonderful father your husband has been to you and your daughter. Let her know that you have a good marriage. Ask if she ever noticed that he only attended meetings a couple times a month. Mention how he is still a wonderful husband and how much you enjoy more time with family by not attending meetings. State that you do not want anyone to encourage him to attend or go out in service any more. Let her know that you are an adult and would prefer that family would stop checking up on your meeting attendance. THE Truth is you do not plan attending and hope you will at least abide by your wishes. Let her know how frustrating it is that he still wants to go once a month. Say,I just do not know what to do about that and hope he will stop going soon.
Please keep the conversation confidential because some people will just blow thing out of porportion like aunt drama queen. And you still want your daughter around her grandmother and grandfather.
Hope that helps.