Part 3: My mother continues to try to ruin me (page 3)

sosoconfused

Like most mothers in the borg I was told to do well in school. When it was time for SAT's I was told under no circumstances could IO take the test. Then when I started pioneering I had to find a job to help pay rent. Of course minimum wage jobs. I go to bethel she is happy... when I come back she is upset. I get appointed elser she is happy... I step down she is upset.

It appears that most JW parents always want to live through their children but satill want to put limits on thekm so they are not part of satans world. When you decide to leave they think of the embarrassment and that is what hurts them most. What mother would suggest that their son doesn't care about his own children. My wife is irrate and wants to choke her to death.

Ultimately I know there is no going back because her very response and reactions to one persons choice shows just how damaging this group of people can be. She tells me that today's Watchtower was jehovah speaking directly to me... um yeah suuuure it is.

Crazyguy

I would love bomb her meaning show the love jesus had, share the scripture 1 john 5:1 that all who believe are sons of god. there are so many scriptures about not judging etc that you can use to show that the idea of have an ORG that you must follow is complete bullshit. Bring up Matt chapter 23 'do not exalted oneself' Is this not what the JW religion is doing.

slimboyfat

She doesn't sound manipulative to me at all, just very confused and depressed.

You should just respond to her by reassuring her you love her. Just ignore any "spiritual" stuff as if it wasn't there at all. Maybe eventuall she'll get the message that way.

ABibleStudent

Thanks for posting your mother's letter sosoconfused to help other JWs with doubts to realize how manipulative some JWs can behave.

You are right to live your life to protect your family and not to slave for the WTBTS. It is too bad that your mother is being so controlling. I hope that it does not wreck your relationship with your father.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

steve2

You've received much needed validation from other posters - which I agree with.

Here's a different angle that I do not intended as invalidating - so please read it as "perspective taking":

Clearly, your Mom loves you - and loves you enough to reach out to you...yet again. For that alone, she deserves some praise. She could have dropped you like a hot potato - and you'll know that untold numbers of JW mothers (and fathers) have done just that in response to their "unrepentant" offspring. Your Mom possesses some sterling qualities.

I'm not trying to minimize the pain you are feeling - but it is worth keeping in mind the fundamental notion that at some deeper level she must admire the man - the son - you are to beseech you to return to where she believes you are needed.

Call it emotional blackmail, yes; but she sounds like a mother who is solidly committed to her children and ensuring they get what (she believes) they need to be well and do well. Again, it sure is suffocating and manipulative in its impact, but the intent of good responsible parenting is there.

To get an even wider perspective, there are parents who are so blithely indifferent to what their children do, the children's pain is one of feeling neglected and deprived.

Whatever the outcome as time passes, your dear mother has at least made it clear how you can make her truly happy. That does not mean you capitulate; it means you keep your pain in perspective. The world is full of resentful sons living their sorry lives to please their well-meaning mothers. It's sobering for those of us from a JW background to remind ourselves that by far the overwhelming proportion of those well-meaning mothers (and fathers) are not JWs but espouse other beliefs for their "stand".

Go well and be true to yourself and live life by your dearest values (which undoubtedly reflect your mother and father's qualities. That, in the longer term, would ultimately make most mothers proud of their offspring, even if in your case you do not immediately or ultimately see the result in your mother that you so long for. Best.

wasblind

Here is the cold hard facts

This mother is heart broken because her son has not " Listened and Obeyed "

and punishement requires her son to be torn from her life because he no longer pleases the master

She suffers the same plight as the southern slave, though she's not physically confined by chains

She has been brainwashed to do what her masters bids. It's not her son who has caused her this pain

it's the " GANG " in brooklyn

Sosoconfused loves his mom and would love to be in her life

but the WTS/ massa won't allow it

In the past, physical punishment most certainly conditioned the slaves to bend to thier masters desires

but mind control often made that unnecessary

A good slave is a brainwashed slave that will except thier fate

while they " Wait on the Kingdom"

.

nugget

I am sorry that your mother is putting so much pressure on you. Unfortunately she is going into full cult mode believing this emotional manipulation and blackmail will bring you to your senses and you will come back to God's loving organisation. She cannot see that her unloving and aggressive response to your emotional and spiritual dilema is confirming your doubts.

At the moment she is trying to manipulate you herself when this doesn't work she may decide to go to the elders. Certainly her message suggests that she has total faith in the organisation. She has no appreciation for your perspective or your emotional well being and as you are no longer one of the faithful she will not even consider what you want or feel.

Whilst she is coming to terms with the situation I would keep your distance from her and limit contact. She is currently unstable and when she cannot influence you her attention will turn to her grandchildren, certainly they do seem to be a preoccupation in all her messages.

For now I would focus on your family unit preparing and building a life that will allow a smooth transition from the cult life to a more normal one. As you seem to be moving towards an end game take control of those elements of your life your have power over.

Comatose

Sorry about what your going through. It's about time to say goodbye mentally to them. For your mental health I would suggest before long you not answer the phone a d just delete the emails unread. It's obvious that they are hurting but it's not something can fix or do anything about. Best wishes.

talesin

That letter could have been written by my mother, because it's exactly the same guilt trip ..... I agree with wasblind. The way I see it, they 'love' (it's a shame to even use that word) the Watchtower more than their own children. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

xo

tal

skeeter1

It's very hard to have a parent not respect your decision or treat you as a separate person. Your mother is telling you what the Watchtower has instilled in her. She believes Jehovah is going to hole her accountable for your and your family's death. No sane person would think this, but your mother does.

Go get some professional help on how to help you handle your mother. It's going to be rough for you to state your position that you have a different perspective on religion than your mother.

I had to finally set barriers. I had to tell my relatives over & over again that I disagreed with the Watchtower Society. I tell them specific examples, and they run out of the room. So, they know I have exact reasons, but they can't bear to hear it. They persisted. Over the eyars, I finally got to where I didn't believe literally in the Bible the way they do. This caused more rift. So, then I decided to tell them I was Buddhist, and their eyes glazed over. All the while showing specific faults with the WTS.

I know at least one of them thinks I am demon possessed. Several times through this, I had to tell them that they shouldn't feel blood guilty on account of their actions. Instead, I always kept the blame on the Watchtower Society for its lies, flip-flops, etc. Now, they will come to me when they are "mad" at the WTS or brothers; even though I am demon possessed.

The beauty of this arrangment is that I do see and hear them often, as they understand my issues with those "blankity blanks in Bethel" (exact words I use when talking about the Society to them. BUT, they make a point of not coming around too much. Once a year. Best of both worlds.

Start innoculating your kids against grandma's religion. Make a pact that they don't talak god, jehovah, bible, or anything with anyone without you present. Don't leave your kids with grandma for any reason.

Skeeter

Part 3: My mother continues to try to ruin me

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