Me. 2 weeks on.

by wizzstick 22 Replies latest jw friends

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  DesirousOfChange

  wizzstick: This process is like having a close friend or family member die. It's painful, bewildering and has acute sense of loss.

  leavingwt: It can be a little overwhelming at first. It may take quite a few weeks to wrap your head around it.

  WEEKS????????

  sapphy: I've been slowly decompressing for ages. Like you I went through a furious reading stage, I learned so much about doctrine & the society. It really is like a death, and you may feel the shock, anger, depression that comes with it, in varying degrees.

  I agree..........more like AGES.

  AnnOMaly: This is the worst time. As other have said, it IS like a bereavement. Be patient with yourself and don't try to pin down too much too soon.

  I've been on it 2 YEARS. Still running through all the emotions: angry, depressed, deceived, gullible, lost.

  Doc
• 

  AnnOMaly

  I've been on it 2 YEARS.

  Try 10, LOL! I'm a slow burner.

  I think part of the problem is not being able to move (yet) and having to exist or be surrounded by people with the JW mindset still. Another part of the problem - especially for born-ins and nearly born-ins - is that they (we) often do not have a frame of reference completely outside of JW conditioning. Our whole world view has been shaped by it which, I think, makes the feelings of betrayal, loss and displacement all the more acute and harder to shake off.
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  OnTheWayOut

  Lwt said it right: It can be a little overwhelming at first. It may take quite a few weeks to wrap your head around it.

  It is exciting, scary, nerve-racking, you get mad, you get confused. It's a great time when you look back later. Keep going.
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  DesirousOfChange

  AnnOMaly: Another part of the problem - especially for born-ins and nearly born-ins - is that they (we) often do not have a frame of reference completely outside of JW conditioning. Our whole world view has been shaped by it which, I think, makes the feelings of betrayal, loss and displacement all the more acute and harder to shake off.

  Another issue we have is that most of the few "worldly" friends we have made have some habits or make choices that makes us question just how "close" of friends we would want to be with them. We are not righteous over much. We don't care who is sleeping with whom (conscenting adults), but it would be nice to have some "class" about it. We are definitely not prudes. We drink, but aren't fond of being around drunks. Nor smokers. Nor those using drugs.

  Admittedly, we miss the "instant friendship" that goes with being an active JW. We find that most of the R&F JWs are generous, kind, enjoyable people. Yes there are the gossipers, self-righteous b*tches (usually elders' wives or pioneers), snooty cliques, etc. But the guest list goes on and on if you throw any kind of a party -- wedding, anniversary, graduation, etc. It's a huge social network. Yes, it's conditional friendship. Quit showing up for meetings and field service, and you become "questionable" association (or worse). It can still feel like a huge loss.

  Doc
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  ABibleStudent

  Hi wizzstick, Proceed very, very slowly explaining your feelings to your wife - it is better for her to do her own research like you are doing when she is ready. It is more important to let her know how much you love her and to do fun and entertaining activities that she likes, will help her meet new non-JW friends, and may occassionally prevent her from attending meetings.

  I would recommend reading Steve Hassan's book "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults and Beliefs" before even talking with JW family and friends about how you feel. If you do not have time to read his books, at least watch his video for 1-1/2 hours to better understand his approach: Steve Hassan explains SIA method to rescue loved ones from unhealthy situations (2003).

  Best of wishes in successfully fading from the WTBTS with your family.

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  Robert
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  slimboyfat

  13 years after finding out it's not the truth and I still attended a meeting tonight. What's wrong with me?
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  wasblind

  13 years after finding out it's not the truth and I still attended a meeting tonight. What's wrong with me?____SBF

  Old habits die hard . Time can ease some of the urges , but there's always

  a left over symptom from a bad habit

  .
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  slimboyfat

  Meetings are addictive like crack cocaine.

  Sorry wizzstick, don't make my mistake, get out as soon as you can.
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  wasblind

  I understand what you say SBF, But I tend to think

  it's more about association among others, more than

  the bunk they teach at the Kingdom Hall

  Even if you are shunned, at least you are still able to

  set eyes on your loved ones

  Humans are a sociable lot, they yearn to connect wit'

  family and friends. And the WTS takes advantage of this

  condition in our nature. It's the way they keep control

  The WTS take the need to connect and turn it into a " bad " habit

  .
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  AnnOMaly

  Meetings are addictive like crack cocaine.

  LOL! Not for me, they're not. Never have been, even when a loyal dubbie. It used to be great when meetings were cancelled due to snow, or refurbishment, or cut short when the public speaker didn't show and nobody could cobble a replacement talk together in time or when there was a power outage or when we were on vacation, etc., etc. - any 'legitimate' reason to break the relentless routine and sameness of it all.

  However, I think wasblind is right that there is a need to socialize. It's also familiar, 'safe,' and as DOC said, we may not have forged close friendships with 'worldly' people. And, of course, there's simply wanting to stay under the radar for a bit longer for the sake of keeping association with those family and friends.