It might take few years before he wakes up. Maybe he will never wake up, nothing you can do about it except to be a good father to him. Maybe talk to him about educational opportunies when the right time comes, once he is not under your roof where your JW wife lives, then he might drift away from the witnesses. Be patient. Good Luck! If you are still angry about the situation, they will think you are persecuting them, that is what the witnesses teach!
Son is giving first talk, conflicted
by marriedtoajw 59 Replies latest jw friends
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ABibleStudent
Hi marriedtoajw, Although you may feel helpless about being married to a JW wife, you have a lot more options than you think that you have and I'm not including leaving your family as an option. Working 60 hrs a week is a lot and has caused your relationships with your sons to suffer.
If you read Steve Hassan's books and learned how to use his methods, you would learn to show your wife and sons unconditional love, how to use the BITE model to help your wife and sons to overcome WTBTS BITE control, and to help your wife and sons to critically think for themselves.
Have you considered asking your wife to work part-time or to learn about investing so that your family can be financially better off? Helping your wife to learn about investing or to work part-time has four benefits. Your wife would have less time to spend reading the WTBTS propaganda or going to meetings, your wife would have less time to indoctrinate your sons, it would help her to think critically about advice she receives from coworkers/investment gurus, and it would help to improve your family's financial situation. If your wife uses WTBTS platitudes to reject your idea, then ask her questions like: How would you support our family if I die?, How long has the WTBTS been predicting that the Big A is coming (i.e. Answer ~ 130 yrs)? How long does she plan on living? What does she dream about doing in retirement?
You have a lot of options that you can help empower your wife and sons to critically think for themselves, but you may need to talk with a counselor (preferably a cult-exit counselor) to be able to overcome your feelings of helplessness so that you can wisely choose what is right for you and your family.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
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marriedtoajw
I hear what you're saying Biblestudent. See here's the thing. About five years ago, my wife got really gung ho with the JW's once my now 22 year old son heard a converstation about the JWs I had with my sister when the word "cult" came up. You see I have two uncles who converted years ago to the JW's as well so we were talking about how they changed afterward. My son told my wife about it and from then on, she has gone full steam ahead. She was baptized about 3 months or so after this incident. She knows what I really think only because I let it slip. She had a job about 12 years ago while our 3rd son was born. She didn't get home til after 7 and rarely went to meetings in those days but she saw our son bonding with me. He prefered to be with me.
Even at 3 - 6months old he didn't want to be held by her. Once he saw me enter a room, he wanted me to hold him. Next thing you know, my son was about 6 months old when he developed asthma problems and had to be hospitalized. My wife suppossedly got a leave of absence from work to stay home with our son. About two weeks later she gets a termination letter from work for not showing up. She tried to tell me that she thought everything was worked out to go on loa but I know how it works and there would be no doubt. She would have got phone calls before she recieved a termination letter for job abandondment. She did it on purpose to stay home with our son and has never got a job since. She did home day care for a few years but it was always spiratic and up and down. She acts as if she has no skills and can't go to school to learn skills. Yet she wanst to be a JW who can teach the Bible to others??? We are broke right now and have been fighting foreclosure for months. Had to turn off the internet and cell phones for just a couple of months and rarely had gas money. She said these were the reasons she couldn't look for work. It's all been up and running for months now and still, no looking for work.
I've had conversations with her about how I need her help and that we will probably lose the house without something changing. My kids keep asking her why she wont look for a job and can you believe it, I step in and defend her by saying how tough the job market is even though she hasn't lifted a finger to look for anything.
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Bob_NC
I second all the comments about being a loving supportive dad to all the kids. Love really does win out in the long run. You can mildly say why you don't do the WT stuff when it comes up, but don't you be the bad guy.
This is a scriptural tactic from Proverbs 25 called heaping fiery coals on the heads of your enemies by being kind to them...21 If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; And if he is thirsty, give him water to drink;
By the way, your son absolutely hates going in field service, despite anything he says to the contrary. Be a good guy, a good dad. He will want to be like you and NOT be a JW.
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Truth seeker 674
Well said Bob_NC
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Iamallcool
marriedtoajw, maybe you should be looking for a job for her and ask her what she thinks about the job ad.
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marriedtoajw
Thank you so much for the encouragement Bob. Sometimes I get so bumbed out by what's happening. My father died when I was 10 and I made it almost my identity to be the best dad I can, which is why I've worked so hard. I make a decent income by today's standards but with 4 kids and a wife, mortgage etc. with no one else working makes my stress level go through the roof. Especially when I feel as if I'm being ganged up on. My wife, son, 8 year old daughter, fil, mil, sil and bil are all at the meeting right now...
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Iamallcool
craigslist has some good job listings.
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Bob_NC
I can image that it is hard sometimes. But your wife, son, 8 year old daughter, fil, mil, sil and bil are all at the meeting listening to mind-numbing drivel. At least one of them has an inkling that this is a farce but doesn't know what to do about it.
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marriedtoajw
lamallcool, it's almost impossible for me to look for her. I'm out of the house from 9am-9pm every day. I work 50 miles away and it takes about an hour and a half to get to work and an hour back. I work many Saturdays too. By end of that I'm exhausted. I had a job lined up for her about a year ago through a very close childhood family friend in a position of authority who could have given my wife this job on her say so doing very similar work she did 12 years ago. This family friend is so close that she knows about our problems and so I think she got skiddish going out on a limb considering what happend on that job long ago so the job some how went to someone else, which I understand.