Hi Sirona (is that your real name or a handle, I can't remember, but 'Hi Sirona' looks like the title of a '50's rock'n'roll song to me... sorry, babbling) you said;
That made me feel uncomfortable. My b/f and I can talk and chat, but for really in depth discussions there are other people I would turn to. Is that wrong? Its still something I'm thinking about as far as this relationship.
Obviously different people want different things. I can talk all the legs off large quatrapeds, let alone the hind legs off a donkey... Delilah (screenname) my gf is, if anything, worse.
Obviously there is a fortunate confluence there, and is a part of why we are together... we are intellectually stimulated by each other.
Now, some people might not need that, which is fine.
But if you feel you are missing something by not having that in a partner, then it can be a problem.
Yes, you can have friends who fufill that need, and there are friends of mine I talk about shit I don't talk to Delilah about, but that's 'cause just as I have about a 30 minute tolerance to cookery programs and conversations, she about the same tolerance to some topics I find interesting.
So, if it's a major thing, then it's a major thing. If it would be nice, but you're happy with all the other good things in your relationship, then it's not a biggie.
Also, no one is static. Me and Delilah have to work on communication sometimes, despite the fact we are garralous chatterboxes, despite the fact we really, I mean really, know how to talk to each other, having been in a 'phone based LDR for four years, where bar a couple of visits a year, our only contact was the 'phone, an hour or so every night. If you find you can't fufill the need you have, then see if you can develop your boyfriend's ability to fulfill that need.
Hell, if he needed to cross his eyes to reduce you to sobbing exstasy in bed, you'd make sure he learned that. Maybe he's never been a great talker.
I find see, that most people can talk about difficult or deep topics. Some just need to know they can. When they realise that by talking about things in their head they can make another person happy and fufilled, and actually feel better about stuff as well, and get to ask questions back, then there can be no stopping them. Maybe he's never had a female friend he's ever had real conversations - does he seek out other people to talk about deep stuff, or does he just not talk about deep stuff? Conversation is a talent, yeah, but it can be developed.
In most people...
Remember, you don't have to be like other couples to make it work, and me and Delilah are not a good example, as on a good day we get looks off people in the supermarket just 'cause of the way we lean into each other's bodies in the queue for the the check-out. Not everyone is a garralous physical little animal.
Similarly, I don't want him having close friendships with women. This is a deficiency within myself, since my fear of being hurt is so strong. To be honest, if I wanted to spend time with another man more than I wanted to spend time with my b/f then I would seriously consider ending the relationship.
You have fear of abandonment, which is very common and understandable. I think you're right to say if there was a guy you'd rather spend time with than with your bf, then, well, it's not a good sign, and
that is what I think you fear... him having a female friend he ends up wanting to spend more time with than you. And that's a reasonable feeling.
But him having close female friends he meets up with once in a while, has a brilliant time with, is overjoyed to see, but who don't continuously impinge on your relationship is a different thing. If you trust his sexual fidelity and the female friends, that is.
Maybe if you were able to communicate better, you'd find this fear would receed. The more you know someone, the more you can trust them (or, to be more accurate, the more you know what yo can trust them over.
All the best
