PLH,
...now i'm living alone, learning to be content with being alone. not sure i'll ever be happy alone but content will be good enough i think.
This is a very “JW” issue. (Just curious: Where you raised in the truth?) Most JW kids go from living with their parents to living with a mate, spending little time in between if they can help it. Single people are single generally because they can’t find someone to marry. There are exceptions to this, of course, but that’s what I’ve seen.
It’s also truer that females raised in the religion, in general, spend little time living alone. They go from Daddy’s house to Husband’s house. Or, they leave home and get a roommate. Very few of the JW women I’ve known ever spent much time living by themselves. Safety is an issue and brothers have the option of Bethel or moving to where the need is greater. Women can do those things, too, but it’s not as common.
this was so me when i was with my guy! i was a jealous freak and so afraid of losing him ... this relationship was far from perfect but he did not run around on me. so i learned to acknowledge my emotion and then think about WHY i reacted the way i did.
It’s very good that you are as introspective as you are and see that some of the problems in your relationships are within your power to control – that it’s not always “somebody else’s fault.” However, don’t ever think that feelings of jealousy are always wrong or “only in your head.” I’m not really the jealous type anymore, but when I felt those feelings it was usually for a very good reason. Unless a person is really insecure, feelings of jealousy are a clue that something’s either going wrong or already is. Honest talk usually settles it one way or the other.
the close relationship part does not or would not bother me but spending a ton MORE time with someone than your significant other that easily could be a sign there might be a problem.
That’s what this whole thread is about, Harm. Just wanting to spend more time with someone who’s not your boyfriend or husband is, not a “problem,” but a clue that it may be time to move on. The idea that one person can satisfy you in every way for a lifetime is crazy. Some are lucky (or choose very well) and find that very thing, but that’s not the norm. The hope of finding “my one true, life-time love” is based on the notion that marriage was created by a god that meant grown folk to live that way. If you believe in god, then that tends to define your view of marriage.
I've come to believe that if they are alive in every way, people change and that change is not necessarily bad. People in a relationship grow, often in different directions and develop new interests that sometimes conflict. Forcing someone to do something or like something that is not in them to want to do or like is ridiculous. Unless there are offspring in the mix, I don’t see the end of a relationship as a failure. Why go thru all these mental, emotional, psychic (even physical) contortions, "working" to make the relationship last, when you could be happier and more fullfilled living w/ someone else? Or alone?
You said that you’ve spent time trying to figure out what went wrong with your “failed” relationship. I say, “nothing.” You just saw the need to be elsewhere. It’s like having a job that you once liked and now, you don’t like it anymore and want to do something different. Jobs are a lot like people. Just because you quit one job and move to another doesn’t mean you are a failure. It only means you have changed, and as I said, change doesn’t equal “bad.”
