Regrets for knowing the TATT? Strange feeling overcoming...

BluePill2

Today is a strange day.

I have been out of the Borg for a while now. Some years have passed and I thoroughly enjoy the freedom, not having to bend my mind and rape my soul to force myself to do and say things that I don't feel or believe. I started my own business, got a wonderful girlfriend and made some friends (that are not monsters like the WT$ likes to portray others).

My parents, siblings, brothers-in-law, cousins, aunts, uncles, ex-wife, "friends" and my daughter, have cut their contact to me. I have no blood and flesh family. Until recently I have coped with that, accepting, dealing with the card that has been dealt.

Today I woke up to a strong feeling of hatred, because these bastards keep anybody that I have cared for captive. That feeling quickly jumped back and forth to a feeling of loss and regrets about knowing the TATT. I lived in an "artificial world", but was not aware of it. Life wasn't easy, I hated going house to house, but it was some kind of fake dream.

Feelings and tears are running strong today. To the point where I would like to just put a gun to my temple and end it now. If I go back there will be pain, I can't undo the past and can't force myself to the Borg anymore - the last 2 years made me sick to my stomach. Staying out and being cut off from seeing my daughter is killing me (and no, don't give me advice about legal proceedings, being there, done that, it is terrible, has cost me a fortune and I am out of funds to fight legal battles, besides that, it turns out that this battle is not won in the courtrooms - it is a mental battle).

Sorry if this sounds like a rant. Wanted to see if others have felt the same way. Wish you all the Best.

cantleave

Shunning hurts, it a form of bullying. I often feel sad that people I grew up with and who I considered to be good friends want nothing to with me now.

The great thing is I have made some wonderful friends in the ExJW community as well as recontacted friends from school.

In terms of JW family, they know where we are if they need us. Non-JW family are amazing and relationships that were distant are now strong.

wizzstick

BP - have sent you a PM.

BluePill2

Thank you wizzstick, I have answered you. Appreciate your concerns. I will probably take a walk or do something nice, can't be in the office and watching family pictures it's breaking my heart.

Good people around here.

zeb

big hugs.

shopaholic

BP2, unfortunately this religion will continue to have a hold on many of us that still have family that are believers. Even on the bad days, trust that you've made the right decision. Also, exiting this religion is not something everyone can do alone. It can be very therapeutic to meet other exJWs. To look someone in the eye that understands your experience reminds you that you will be okay. If you have the circumstance, professional counseling can help you work through raging emotions.

A gun to the temple is not the solution but taking a walk sounds like a great idea.

Regarding your daughter, you have a PM.

Shop.

jhine

your family is still out there somewhere and there is always hope . May I pray for you ? Learning TTATT seems sooo painful . It must be like a bereavement and sometimes when you suffer such a great loss it can take years to creep up on you and suddenly hit you when you least expect .

Comatose

Sorry buddy. Please hang in there. It's not fair or right what's happening. Do take the walk, in fact take a few today. Hang in there and know people care.

label licker

Bluepill2 please erase that thought out of your head. I've just lived through another funeral where someone took their life this past month. I also have to live each day for the last thirty years of another person, my mother who took her life, and have so many unanswered questions. You don't want to do that to your loved ones and you certainly don't want the society to say satan got another one. Watchtower will never take the credit for anyones death, they are too self rightous and in the end it's a no win situation. Hang in there and if you need someone to talk to pm me. We also have guns but have put them to good use such as skeet shooting or hunting.

What is starting to work for us if we can do good for others we start to feel better. Plus, there's others around that are like minded that are doing the same. There's organinsations that are looking for volunteers to help the less fortunate. Try finding ones like that that will give you a boost. Keep busy, and keep in contact with the rest of us who are in different phases of our new lives. Proverbs 27:17

My friends death opened the door to more of her friends who are really nice people that were trying to help her. This has opened my mind up to the fact that there are some really decent people out there but I wouldn't have tried to look if I wouldn't have stuck my head out there. This is just the beginning to new friends. It's just sad that I had to meet these nice people through my friends death. But now this doesn't mean we can't look out and help others, right? Get rid of that gun if it's going to be a temptation to you. And try talking to your doctor. Please don't let society win over another loss loved one. They are not worth it. You belong on this earth like the rest of all of us as well as them.

OnTheWayOut

I have only been avoided by "friends" and not shunned by family, as I faded. I do know many ex-JW's in similar situations as yours and my heart goes out to you and them. It isn't right. You gotta hang in there because it would only convince your daughter that WTS is right if you did something fatal.

I suggest you read Steve Hassan's latest book, FREEDOM OF MIND. While I can honestly say I have had little success, it gives suggestions on how to free the captives. You also may not have success in totally freeing loved ones, but imagine the possibilities if you just manage to crack their shell. Practical suggestions include sending cards, letters, photos. They may shun you, but you can share something with them and be pretty sure they look at it before they toss it away.

Plus, something may happen to a loved one to cause them to wake up to TTATT. Things always change in that religion. You want to prepare yourself for that time.

Regrets for knowing the TATT? Strange feeling overcoming...

Share this