YOU MIGHT not be able to fix her. Figure out where your line is. You must not sacrifice your self for any human being. Especially if they are an emotional black hole.
breakup guilt
by fresh prince of ohio 92 Replies latest social relationships
-
-
perfect1
Well, maybe its not the best article- but you cant depend on me to find all you reading material for you!
My point is: do some research. Times like this, give your thinking mind a little workout so it can interpret what your feeling mind is feeling. You might read about someone JUST LIKE YOU.
from your posts it sounds like you are DESPERATE to feel better, or at least stop feeling the way you feel which includes obsessive thoughts.
NO ONE on this board has responded to you with advice like- HANG IN THERE- GET BACK TOGETHER.
for me, I can relate to having once felt how you feel now.
Going back means dragging it out AGAIN. Fine. It may be like the flu- you just have to let pass through you like a virus.
But if you do that you are wasting valuable time and putting yourself at risk.
Be courageous and make a break. Pain lessens in time. Meanwhile exercise is an excellent outlet. I once cried my broken heart out shamelessly on an eliptical machine.
-
LostGeneration
I'm thinking about inviting her to couples counseling. I find that the idea of never seeing her again is just not sitting well and that we can work things out
This sounds like an absolulety horrible idea. You mentioned in your first post you didn't find her sexually attractive. So you are trying to resurrect a relationship with someone who doesn't turn you on?
A different resource to consider - Married Man Sex Life
Mainly focused on guys who aren't happy with their sex lives, but the book he offers for around $10 bucks gives you the "red pill" on how and why relationships work (and don't work).
-
fresh prince of ohio
I just can't stand the thought of her sitting at her condo being sad and crying and feeling lonely.
Plus I was reading tonight that the US economy is going to collapse soon. Who is going to protect her from the marauding bands? not joking
-
fresh prince of ohio
Gosh. It's not getting better. It just gets worse.
This is like survivor's guilt or something. Like last night i went out with some friends and it's like i can hardly enjoy myself - all i can think about is that she's alone in her condo, with her financial problems, and her uncertain future, and feeling like she has nothing to live for or hope for.
I wonder if I'm just projecting all of this?
I wonder if I should just go back to her and make the best of it?
The financial issues bother me the most. I'm lucky in that I've made it out of the ever-swelling nickeled-and-dimed-to-death ranks of the working poor in the US; i make a decent income and I don't have money worries right now. The same is not the case for her and I doubt that it ever will be.
I want to rescue her so bad. Is that true love?
-
jgnat
No, that's not love. Imagine she found another rescuer to take care of her. Could you then move on with your life?
Believe me, survivors find a way. You are replaceable.
-
jgnat
A good read about survival is http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hatchet_(novel)
When it gets down to true survival, people dust themselves off and move on.
-
fresh prince of ohio
I'm just so sad all the time. losing weight and barely functioning.
-
jgnat
Well, SHE's not going to fix that. See a doctor.
-
LisaRose
You cannot fix anyone else. Get some counseling and figure out why you are willing to stay in a relationship that does not meet your needs. A relationship based on guilt will never work, you are just prolonging the inevitable. Do your girlfriend a favor and be honest about your feelings. Doing it in a therapeutic setting so that she has the support she needs to accept this. The best gift you can give her is your insight into what she needs to do to be a stronger, more confident person.