Every time I talk to my mom, she sounds like she is sick or dead tired, she acts so sad...

by Comatose 24 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Comatose

  It's depressing. I am trying to call and stay in touch and act like everything is okay, but its really starting to depress me. My dad doesn't call or text. I do he replies and will talk, but he doesn't on his own anymore. He also talks weird, asking about the weather or something trivial as if he doesn't have anything to talk about.

  It's really frustrating and depressing. I am trying very hard to be just inactive. I never talk about anything that would be offensive. But, why? Why are we living a hard fake life and missing out on normal non witness stuff just to have them act like this? They are not happy. They are making me unhappy. For what.

  Why can't we just go on with life?

  Do I say something or just be patient? Maybe it will get better?
• 

  jgnat

  Try cutting down the frequency of your calls. Or be less reliable in your calls. Normal parents, given enough time, will start to miss you.

  Not to say everything is normal.
• 

  jgnat

  By way of example, my task-oriented daughter usually sounds rushed when I call. She's working full time, keeping the household together on the weekend, and has very little free time. Me, on the other hand, am an empty nester who likes to go do something fun on the weekend. But I don't like setting the tone where I turn in to an inconvenience. So I didn't call her this past weekend. Funny thing, by Monday she was missing me and sending me texts asking how I was doing. I gave her a breezy reply. By evening she was going through a mini-crisis and welcomed me to come over. Hubby sweetened the pot by offering to bring the pizza. See? I'm not an inconvenience. I'm mom!

  The shunning and the parental disapproval adds a whole other dimension of course. What can I say? People can be idiots. Not realize what they've lost until it's gone.
• 

  NVR2L8

  My mom and JW family never called me when I was an active JW and a MS...so nothing has changed when I became inactive. I'm always the one trying to keep in touch. Their excuse is that they are very busy with the truth but they bitch when they don't hear from me for a long time.
• 

  wasblind

  I doubt if it will get any better comatose. Maybe if you back away and give them they're space for a while

  it can allow you to focus on more pleasant things

  And when you feel up to it you can check in and try to avoid talk that make either of you sad

  I hope things work out for you
• 

  wasblind

  Didn't mean to duplicate your answer jgnat, I left to put bread in the stove

  by the time I pushed send You had already posted
• 

  cofty

  Normal parents, given enough time, will start to miss you.

  I tried that theory without success for 16 years. JW parents are not normal.

  Things only changed through confrontation.

  Is it time to stop understanding JW parents and tell it like it is...

  I sent this letter to my parents...
• 

  wasblind

  Have things continued to improve between your parents Cofty ?
• 

  jgnat

  I also have the personal example where my son, hungry for fatherly attention, continues to contact his biological dad, even though he is consistently and persistently rejected. It can't be good for the boy. And the father does not deserve his son's attentions. This is a man who did not seek visitation, never paid a penny in child support, and berated his natural-born son as an idiot as soon as his son started beating him at chess.

  Cofty, I think the honest, confrontational approach, direct from the heart, has merit. Perhaps it will jerk the parent out of their cultic sturpor.

  What doesn't help is if the child faithfully and regularly reaches out for affection that is consistently rejected. Enough already.
• 

  Comatose

  I had thought about what you suggest jgnat. I think its my next try. I was just trying to avoid if I could. Trying to put up the good fight for us "apostates". I was afraid as soon as I stopped they would assume I was corrupted and mentally diseased. Sigh. It's hard to win in this.

  But, the next logical step may be what you suggest. It is such a shame though. They are miserable. They just know I am as good as dead already. Too bad even with their reasoning they can't just enjoy what time they think they have left with me.

  It is depressing talking to people who think you are a walking dead person.

  Yesterday my mother asked me about my will and leaving my daughter to her and my dad if my wife and I die. I guess with me being inactive its just a matter of time before my untimely death happens.