Grace,
If I had all the answers I would start my own religion and make you the high priestess of sweetness. I don't know about the blue birds, I have heard that kind of rational before. I can see the point but then I look at the bones of a Tyrannosaurus Rex, look at his teeth, and then wonder if there is a god, what in the hell was he thinking? I also look at the many hidden viruses that creep into our existence that cause pain, suffering, pimples, and flesh pealing off our bodies and again ask, what was he thinking? The same line of questioning goes with earthquakes, volcanos, hurricanes, floods, the deadliest poison known to man from the tiny blue ringed octopus of Australia as well as the very cute but common disease carrying New York City sewer rat.
When trying to find this loving peaceful god we look at flowers and birds. When trying to ask specific questions about the bad stuff we look at the yen of god and say its some mythical evil creature that god can't seem to destroy without first letting him mess with our lives in this cosmic game of "who's your daddy".
If I had the answer that worked for everyone I would certainly give it to you and everyone else I know. All I have is the answer that works for me. Maybe it is just like romantic love, they say there is a person out there for everyone. That one person may not be right for others but for you, they are the one. Some times you go through many who are not the one before you find that one special person. Even when you find that special one you may find out that they lost all there specialness long ago and you end up with what is left over. When you finnaly get tired of looking for that special one you take a deep breath, collect all your thoughts and then it hits you, you yourself are that special one, not somebody else.
I look at spirituality the same way. I consider myself a fairly spiritual person but I am very anti religion and the coin has not yet landed on my palm to tell me whether I believe in god or not. I also don't think I have to make that kind of decision to continue on with my life. If there is a god, and he is as wise, loving, and caring as I am to my own sons, then he/she/it doesn't care whether I choose one particular concept of his existence or not. After all, he's god, why does he need little old me to make a decision whether he exists or not? It doesn't make any difference in the large scheme of things. If he possess ultimate intelligence then my simple way of thinking doesn't amount to anything to him. He just likes me cuz I'm me, and I'm a nice guy. If I do feel I need to come to a conclusion that he does indeed exist then I will look at him just as I think he will look at me. I will like him because he is a nice guy. Not the neurotic insecure genocidal manic that is portrayed in the many religious books.
If there is a god I hope he looks at my good stuff and laughs at my many mistakes. If there is any particular thought that I have come to with all my research, pondering, meditating, and recreational substance experimentation it is there is something out there really nice and someday I just might see it. Until then I follow one simple rule of my spiritual existence and that is "be nice." That is way too simple of a concept for all religion to adopt. They couldn't sell many books or have all those big churches and temples built when every Sunday they simple stand up on a podium and tell everyone to simply "be nice." Where the hell is all the money and glory in that?
Big hug back at'cha
Dave
