PW2,
Although the specifics are different, you raise a lot of the same questions and issues I had.
Corrupt elders thriving, a disinterested headquarters, me trying to make sense of it all...
I nearly drove myself crazy.
When I began to grasp the fact that this organization has always had a corrupt side and thta nothing was new except my realization of what had always been true, I was able to take a deep breath.
It feels like stepping out of a windstorm where I was battling to stand upright in to a place of calm.
I call it stepping out of "the crazy".
Give yourself permission to do that. Relish the little moments where you find yourself able to set this issue aside for just a bit.
If you have some practical approach that you think would help you in finding closure, by all means take it! Other than that, it is a mental and emotional process that you are engaged in right now.
The comforting side is that many here have experienced the outrage and the "crazy" and have found peace now.
I am just now getting moments of that peace and my fall off the innocence wagon happened 5 years ago now.
Each letter I have written, each elder and C.O, each body of elders, and elders and C.O's together in the same meeting (I have tried it all - every combination of the above, thinking if somehow the right person would just HEAR, that justice would happen ((this was NOT true)) each of these things were all steps (as it turns out - I didnt know at the time) in my convincing myself that the Org as it currently stands cannot do the right thing.
It will not, it cannot due to its very own structure of power.
Realizing that by using whatever means neccesary to arrive at that conclusion will bring you peace. It has me.