Lying to children (page 2)

paranoia agent

cult classic: psychological studies have said the exact opposite, what are you basing that on?

diamondiiz

I think imagination is great for children but I don't think teaching a child there is a tooth fairy or santa is healthy when they may have contact with jw family.

I feel that if you tell your child a tooth fairy is real, a dub family member may tell them otherwise if the topic comes up which will be followed by “Jehovah God doesn’t like lying…….” So now you showed yourself to have lied to your child and “Jehovah doesn’t like lying” and now you have to deal with Jehovah not being real and why you told your child a toothfairy was real.......

If the child doesn’t have freaky jw family to deal with, the imaginary tooth fairy won’t hurt the little kid's trust in you as they grow out of it but if the child has any contact with jws I wouldn’t recommend telling the child about santa or tooth fairy. That’s just my view on the matter since I want my dauther's complete trust in me so when one day she comes home from a rare visit to her dub family and I have to deal with Jehoober nonsense it won't be like I lied to her before and granny only tells the truth...

laverite

Paranoia agent - what psychological studies are you referring to? Cult classic made an excellent point. What empirical evidence have you read that leads you to think that what cult classic wrote is not correct?

cult classic

Yeah diamondiiz. JWs will make a huge deal out of the traditional and mostly benign fairy tales. All the while, insisting that Jehovah and the angels are watching a kid's every move. And, of course, brainwashing the kids that Satan and the demons are ready to attack them at every turn. It's so crazy.

Funny thing. Even as strict JW parents, my mom and dad left us money under our pillow for each tooth.

I'm curious as to the answer to laverite's question as well.

laverite

JW Facts -

I came across this poem by the Russian poet Yevtushenko as a beginning first year undergraduate. It really hit home with me. I had only just had my "Aha!" moment discovering the real truth about The Truth TM . I felt angry and betrayed that I had been lied to for so long by family, "friends" and the Society. I will never forget that time in my life, and this poem became part of that. The poem may be taken at face value (which I prefer), or it may be a more symbolic criticism or both. As the reader, I relate to it best when I take it at face value. I have copied that poem below in case you are interested in reading it, if you haven't already come across it.

At that time in my life, I couldn't imagine ever telling a child any kind of lie whatsoever or even withholding truth from them. As a parent, I have felt very strongly that my children deserve to be told the truth. Of course, this needs to be done in developmentally appropriate ways. And, as far as lies about Santa, the Tooth Fairy, etc., I have become a little less rigid and a bit more flexible.

I realize that these constructs are structured into our culture, into children's experiences at school, etc. At preschool or school, children cannot help but be exposed to these "lies." I decided, for a number of reasons, to go along with the Tooth Fairy, etc. These reasons were mainly for practicality and also because it's just plain fun for the kids.

I word(ed) things carefully. When asked about Santa being real, I might tell a four year old that he is "real in our hearts." As they continue to sort real life from fantasy as they grow, they realize pretty soon that you are wording things a certain way and what that means -- in fact, they will ask outright about it! One of my children is still young enough to "believe" and the others do not feel they were lied to. They even express appreciation for how it was handled. Bonus: by not raising a three or four year old to be a party pooper (telling everyone the Tooth Fairy and Santa aren't real -- we didn't make enemies with the other parents and families. Also, because of the way things were worded and handled, the kids figured things out by the time they asked outright. So there was no big upset over finding out that Santa isn't "real." It was just natural, comfortable and it worked for our family.

Good luck sorting through what you want to do. Here's the poem I mentioned above:

Lies

Telling lies to the young is wrong.
Proving to them that lies are true is wrong.
Telling them that God's in his heaven
and all's well with the world is wrong.
The young know what you mean. The young are people.
Tell them the difficulties can't be counted,
and let them see not only what will be
but see with clarity these present times.
Say obstacles exist they must encounter
Sorrow happens, hardship happens.
The hell with it. Who never knew
the price of happiness will not be happy.
Forgive no error you recognize,
it will repeat itself, increase,
and afterwards our pupils
will not forgive in us what we forgave.

Yevgeny Yevtushenko, 1952

truthhurts13

Why would you ever lie to anyone?

EndofMysteries

ask 'worldly' upbrought people if they could go back in time would they have rather known if santa, tooth fairy, etc, was not real or are they happy they were tricked into thinking they are real.

The closest I had to that sort of thing was probably when I was at Epcot and going into the ride, "body wars", I was told it was real and I thought I really was shrunk and riding on a ship in a person's body. Also that mickey, disney characters, etc, were real. Even though I figured it out it wasn't real, it was fun to have thought that.

wizzstick

You could say...

"What do you think happens to the tooth Zac?"

If he says, that the tooth fairy takes it away and leaves money, then you say "Ok lets see what happens. Where do you want to put the tooth?" and have fun with him placing the tooth under the pillow.

Then when he's asleep swap the tooth for the coin.

When he wakes up and finds the coin ask him what do you think happened? If he says the tooth fairy say, have you ever seen a fairy? And get him him to reason on never seeing a fairy. Then, with a big smile, asked who is in your home that loves him so much that they'd leave a coin for his tooth...?

That way you he gets one fun night thinking about a tooth fairy but then gets a kindly lesson in reality the next morning.

Mickey mouse

I think you'd find this video very thought provoking jwfacts

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LGu0gfbB7Y&feature=youtube_gdata_player

AnnOMaly

It was great when the tooth fairy used to visit the kids when they were small. She was always mentioned with a humorous twinkle in our eyes so we wouldn't be taken too seriously. Nevertheless, they loved going to sleep and finding money under the pillow. My tooth fairy used to leave printed out receipts with her picture on too. When their suspicions grew and the game was up about the tooth fairy's real identity (yes, the tooth fairy is as real as I am ;-) ), giving them the money upfront just wasn't the same. Still, it was sweet and fun while it lasted.

If you take your kids to Disneyland, is it better to tell them straight that they are meeting Mickey Mouse or only a guy in a costume?

It can be a difficult call to make. Tell them straight, and an opportunity for a childish fancy is gone. Don't tell them, and you'll have to find inventive ways of keeping up the charade until they get wise to it.

What did you decide to do in the end, jwfacts?

Lying to children

Lies

Yevgeny Yevtushenko, 1952

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