Maybe I'm the bad guy after all

by braincleaned 44 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Captain Blithering

  Sorry to hear you're fed up man, I enjoy your posts, maybe I should've said so more often..
• 

  Captain Blithering

  Double post, sorry!
• 

  Black Sheep

  Have you forgotten all that mind control stuff that was unloaded on you for decades while you sat in KHs and arsemblies? They were listening too. They have been taught not to hear you. They don't want to hear you. You have to stop trying to do their thinking for them.

  You have to give up on the idea of getting them to listen to you and get cunning. You have to get them to do the thinking, the research, the explaining, justifying their following failed doomsday loonies, etc.. You have to shut up except to make them want to do the talking and realise any dishonesty they indulge in.

  Softly, softly, catchee monkey
• 

  clarity

  Vincent ......... you are a very strong person & passionate,

  a gang busters kind of a guy! I liked what you wrote

  and what you said......... period.

  >

  However, strong men also have a very sensitive side,

  thank goodness for that!

  Seems like, on an ex jw site like this, with so many feelings

  being aired o ut & leaking out ... there are painful moments... let's

  just say.

  >

  I wish you well, come back soon

  clarity
• 

  Giordano

  When I was a witness I was a person of respect to other JW'S. When I began to rethink my beliefs and talked to friends and family people didn't really want to know what my thinking was. Quickly I became a person who was suspect to them. I wasn't DF but simply faded. It took me 3 years to walk myself out way back before the internet. My wife and I lost all of our friends etc. etc. Over the next 40 years many of those who distanced themselves walked away as well. Many just got old and remained in.......... for them it had become a life style more then a belief.

  Take a break for a while.

  Gio
• 

  snare&racket

  Ask yourself repeatedly, is there a legitimate way to leave the JW's....

  They would say no whilst also saying one should never explore neagative material on the WT.

  Once you accept that they are in a circle of self deceit and loss, you have to decide what you want.....

  Your family will always see your actions as inappropriate. I spent much time persuading my family that I SINCERELY did not believe it anymore. Some accepted it, some looked for motives and other reasons to satify their own minds.

  It is a hard crossroads to reach, having been there, crossed it and reached the highway to freedom and self expression and free will and freedom of though... I can say without hesitation I did the right thing and have no regrets.

  There will always be loss, it is designed into the system. The Watchtower are like a casino, you have woken up and looked around at the casino you are in, worked out the odds, worked out that the stats are against you...the house always wins.....

  Option A: you have put so much in already, may as well stay

  Option B: accept that you have losses, you can't leave without leaving the losses behind but YOU CAN LEAVE.

  Some choose A, some B. Some stand outside the Casino telling people not to go in, some stand outside shouting for their loved ones to come out as they sit there hypnotised with promises and unsees treasures.

  

  

  I am so sorry that there is no Option C where you win, you get your losses returned and your family all wake up and leave. Casino's and religions aren't designed like that, they are designed so you don't want to leave, can't leave they are smart. Casino's draw people because evidently some people DO win, how smart are religions and cults, there is NO EVIDENCE of any of the promises, not one person has so far 'won' a thing, yet the lolyal members sit there expecting they will. Knowing it's a game, knowing how smart they are.... you play the game and play smarter....

  Accept your losses

  walk away from the flashing lights and electronic beeps....

  See if they are sad you are leaving or ANGRY ?..... smile, you won the house lost....
• 

  braincleaned

  Thank you all.
  
  Yes, I do have a hard time... I like the casino illustration; seems fitting.
• 

  iCeltic

  hang around Vince, get support from this community, it'll be worth it.
• 

  nonjwspouse

  You do what is best for you above all. That is the important issue here.

  I for one got some great insights from your potings on handling my wannabe baptized husband. I like your writing style as well.

  I liked having your postings here, but I would rather you do what is best for you.

  Thank you for posting here in the first place. You helped.
• 

  braincleaned

  For all those wondering...

  Looking back on my life as early as my toddler years, I can remember hating injustice.
  Even the smallest unfairness would see my clothes rip apart; shreds revealing a greenish skin as I grew fifteen feet high, with fists the size of Jeeps.

  Well — at least that's how I felt. Frustration. Anger. Pain.

  I'm the same today; with the added struggle of bipolar ups and downs, all too passionate and annoying for any normal person I will admit.
  I was a zealous JW — and today I'm a no-less a zealous atheist. I can barely conceal a passionate hate against anyone being unfair and unjust to others, especially the meeker ones — like the Abrahamic God and the Borg's eight pricks that strike their own egos to erect themselves above others.

  My mom and sister are of those meek ones; also my ex-wife (the mother of my kids).

  My anger comes from the frustration that they do not allow me to talk.
  They have well learned their lessons from the Head Imbeciles in bethel. My voice is muffled as soon as I try to reason with them.
  Contrary to what you may imagine, I never hushed an apostate. Even pioneering, I "knew" I had the Truth — and since truth fears no examination, I was open for debate.
  Eventually, I saw the (real) light. That's what the 8 stooges fear, of course...

  All this to say that my triggers are feather-sensitive these days.

  I apologize for being so vindictive at times.
  Since I allow NOBODY to censure me, I will occasionally use heavy swearing.
  I realize this could get me kicked out, but I don't give a flying fuck!
  Either people are gonna let me express myself fully, or I'm out anyway.