Although each case is different.... bear in mind that you cannot serve two masters and to your own self you must be true. I did what you are thinking of doing (although I was never disfellowshipped). I became very active and supportive of my wife. I could handle it but she could not. She estranged herself from me and began to fear me because I was able to do it all and still not give my "self" . She began to feel that she knew something about me that none of the "trusting " brothers knew and left me twice for periods of 5 months and 9 months. Those were times that tried my "soul". Keep in mind that I was "clean" and there was no infidelity or violence. The problem was her fear and ultimatly her disrespest. She came to despise me and the third time she left , I did not go after her. She divorced me. The closest I came to understanding why were her words : she did it to protect herself "spiritually". The reason I'm passing tis along to you is that I recognize what you are going through. The issue of life and death and a man's need for his wife's love are powerful motives. I tried to keep my marriage and family together but in the end her fear was more powerful than my love. She required more than my love, she required the death of my true self. I believe the W.T. is responsible for the decline of her character. My "real" wife, in her right mind, would have exalted "truth" over conformity. But each case is different and your wife may be a woman of solid character , in which case she will recognize the strength and love it takes for you to acquiesce. But can you both endure?
I'm thinking of applying for reinstatement
by Cygnus 74 Replies latest jw friends
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gumby
They have the best anyone has to offer?
Is it "THEY" in the Bible, that offers lifes water free?From a Biblical aspect...if that is what you are after....there is no NEED of a group who has it.
Love God ,and your fellowman and you should'nt need to 'worry'.....according to the Bible.
If your family and friends could see it that way, there would be no problem with any of you. THEY make the problem....not you cyg.
I WISH YOU HAPPINESS IN WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE.
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Farkel
Cyg,
We're old-time buds, right?
: I am feeling that while JWs are essentially intellectually corrupt, I could once again live within the sphere of their existence; for my wife's sake, and the sake of my current inferiorty complex.
That is a complex statement and we should break it down:
1) Dubs are intellectually corrupt. (This is not good.)
2) You think you could be a part of intellectually corrupt people again. (This is not good.)
3) Your wife wants this. (She wants you to be with intellectually corrupt people.)
4) You have an inferiority complex (I think you are messing with us, but I trust you, and I'll take that bait.)
So, being the uneducated dummy that I am, I see four points. Points one through four are all negative, and point three (another negative one) taken together with point four makes you think you should invite all that negative stuff back into your life again.
Summary: "I have bad self-esteem right now, so my best choice is to find a group that will demolish what little I have left."
Yeah, Cyg. That sounds like a GREAT solution to me.
Ok, fine. Good luck, BITT.
Farkel
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tdogg
A lie is a lie is a lie is a lie is a lie. There can be no compromise.
There is nothing 'better' to find in the world, does that justify living a lie?
We may not know what this life is all about, but we can know what it is not. -
Lee Elder
I know plenty of people who seem pretty happy as JWs - I was one of them!
If you don't have children, tow the line, don't think critically about things, etc.
you can have a decent existence as a JW.I don't know anyone, however, who once informed about the inner workings of the
"Tower" that has been able to go back and fit in. Even dub elders are trained
in their "Kingdom Ministry Schools" to be very cautious about reinstating anyone
DF or DA for apostasy.Each of us have our own unique situation so you have to do what is best for
you. I would never criticize you for trying to get reinstated. I know others who
have done this simply to normalize relations with their JW family members -
then proceeded to do the "fade."It is all well and good to climb on one's soap box when you learn the truth about
"the truth", but all would be well advised to carefully consider the implications
for themselves and their family members.Building a support network of non-JW friends and mastering "the fade" will
generally produce the best long term result for those with JW family members.Good luck Cygnus,
Lee
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Methushael
Hi Cygnus,
I have looked around a little after a very long time, what is going on in the English message boards, and the first message I read is yours.
Now, I don't know if you are kidding, I remember you as one who wrote what he meant. So I assume you are very serious about what you are saying.
I will not go into details about JW teaching and what you are able to accept or not. I only want to point out what your own message shows about your situation, and what this spells out about the future.
There are many marriages where the wife may meet her friends on a particular day, and the husband meets his. This doesn't seem to be the case in your situation. The JW obviously control your life. You are allowed to lead a "normal" marriage life, unless situations arise when you are not wanted. Now, what a situation is that, if you think of a different arrangement than the one you are actually in?
Let's assume, your wife wanted to arrange a "women only" night. So, you have to leave the house that night, or you can stay if you wear a woman's dress. Or, what would you think about someone meeting with his racist friends, and sending the spouse away that night, because he lives in a mixed marriage?
Actually, your reasoning shows similarities to situations like that. So the most important question is: What is your marriage based on? What will be left of it in 5, 10, 20 years? Why do you think your life will be better of if you violate your conscience for the rest of your life? Or better, will you be able to do it? Honestly, I expect you to be worse off in a couple of years, if not sooner, than you are now.
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SYN
Cygnus: Once you've tasted freedom, you can't ever, ever NOT be free again. It's that simple. In your heart, you are free. Do the right thing.
"Until they become conscious, they will never rebel. Until they rebel, they will never become conscious." - George Orwell
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Perry
BITT,
I remember your comments on H20 back in '96 when I left. If you are the same person....you've come a long way.
No doubt you've discovered the emptiness in rationalism, self-centeredness of society in general, and lack of hope in "non-belief".
I feel for you, and I'm sorry your wife doesn't share your love of truth.
The simple truth of the matter is that we are free to choose what to believe. I tried going back after about 5 years too. It was a disaster.
Personally, I always knew that I could not ever exist in an environment that lacked love, hope, freedom and peace. It has been a long road. I found a similar existence in secularism as I did in the TRUTH equally repulsive.
I know you don't believe in life after death, but so many things can't be proven...like our origins for one. Ask yourself this, what is it about what Christ taught that would cause me not to just stop, and accept him as your savior?
Life will always require faith of some sort regardless of your world view. Life with Christ makes this one bearable and takes a huge load off our shoulders. You must realize that we never really knew Christ as JW's, didn't understand the indwelling we offer Him by acceptance, and then make a choice based on what that really means.
We were encouraged to find peace through fear and what we could get. The world promotes peace through self-exploration and compromise, only Christ offers peace through freedom and forgiveness. For me, that is the only place I have found true peace.
Read the book of Romans again.....slowly.
Good Luck in your journey,
Perry
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gravedancer
No doubt you've discovered the emptiness in rationalism, self-centeredness of society in general, and lack of hope in "non-belief".
Isn't this the same reason many turn to mind altering drugs?
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joelbear
Hi Cygnus,
You and I are at about the same point in terms of the way we feel about the Watchtower Society.
In the past 14 years I have read and studied just about every type of philosophical and religious thinking there is. True I have not studied them in depth, but I think I get the general idea. I too have found nothing "better" than the philosophy and rationality of the core beliefs of Jehovah's Witnesses.
I do not find them intellectually corrupt. Indeed at the intellectual level they make a great deal of sense. Most of the pieces fit together logically. You are already aware of my thinking on the "justice question", which is one important piece that does not make sense. Its an important enough piece to keep me from going back. It involves both the manmade congregational judicial system and the divine justice system as explained by the Watchtower. Neither one make sense logically, nor do either have a sound scriptural basis. The society picks and chooses scriptures that describe the way they see justice as needed to be meted out both now by congregations and eventually by Jehovah. I find this to be their greatest crime. And since the story of the Bible is basically man committing a crime, paying a sentence, being bailed out and having to face trial on an individual basis, the issue of justice must be dealt with accurately or everything around it becomes moot.
The other issue for all of us is our friends and family who are witnesses. We love them, we miss them. Those like you and I that have relatives in face numerous awkward and embarrassing situations like your wife asking you to leave your own home. When I am at my parents and one of their friends comes to visit, I have to stay inside while they go outside and explain that I am there. Its an eerie feeling, being treated as a nonperson.
The bottom line is as Teejay says, the trade offs. I continue to debate whether or not I have made the correct trade off myself and I will probably do so the rest of my life.
Its a problem unique to us as ex-Witnesses.
I think you should meet with the elders and see what your gut reaction is. That should tell you what you should do.
Email me if you want to discuss further in private.
hugs
Joel