Self Destructing. oh-oh.

Captain Blithering

Yo dudes.

I've been studying ttatt for nearly a year now, I'm pretty much convinced WT theology is a crock, but I can't just leave as I don't want to lose family, and I simply CAN'T disappoint my elderly aging parent.

I'm prepared for the long game fade (could be a few years), but have been sowing seeds with the wifey little bit by little bit. Laying the groundwork.

But I'm chomping at the bit, and in just this one month I've noticed that in some ways I'm getting more outspoken, some might say 'brazen'!

1. I've 'come out' to THREE of my customers, telling them all about what a high control group the witnesses are and how it could all go terribly wrong for me.

2. Also, for the first time IN MY LIFE I've uttered the words 'happy christmas', and am doing so every day now to those who wish it of me. It feels polite, it feels normal, it feels natural, and COMPLETELY non-religious! (Surprisingly I haven't been struck by any form of heavenly retribution yet).

3. And I've said in front of witnesses that I'm not going to report my tracts as it's just ridiculous, and they must be getting desperate for new encouraging figures to tout. (ooooooooh what a rebel!!)

These things by themselves aren't anything special of themselves but taken as a whole I can definitely see the pattern developing that I'm self destructing, or at least speeding matters up, which is NOT my plan at all.

Did anyone else out there have a similar long term plan that was scuppered by your own impatience?

Suraj Khan

As you pull back from the high-stress mind control mechanisms and start living a genuine life, I guarantee you WILL sooner or later make an 'oops' move to family or a member of the congregation which will set alarm bells ringing. It sounds like you're going to do this sooner rather than later. Extroverts usually trip up pretty quickly.

Are you well-liked in your congregation or more of an observer?

designs

"Happy Christmas" that a step. sounds like you are doing things right for your situation. Its always tuff with family still in. All the best

Captain Blithering

How to say this without sounding like a pompous ass?

Well liked. Used to be a prolific speaker as an elder, I really put effort into my talks, I figured if the people had been bothered to come to the meeting it was my duty to make it as interesting as I could. So I was kind of in demand.

I know ALL the witnesses in my city. MOST of them know me. NONE of them know how I feel right now. (except one - subject for another post later). T

I suspect that my subconscious is trying to get me in trouble to let my wife see how doubters really are treated. And tbh I'd happily take a verbal beating from the appointed men if it wakes her up. But not yet.

Captain Blithering

Thanks Suraj, and thanks Designs, isn't it MENTAL that I'm posting on an internet forum about how good it feels to respond to a seasonal greeting with a seasonal greeting without feeling guilty!!!!!!!!!!

You couldn't make this stuff up!

DATA-DOG

The fact that you cannot speak openly and honestly with a JW shows that something is terribly wrong in the Organization. Seriously, think about that. These people are supposed to be your "spiritual brothers and sisters", yet you cannot speak to them in an honest manner?? All of this is happening because of ignorant humans mistakenly setting themselves up as spiritual Gurus.

As a spiritual leader [ not "leader"..taking the lead. LOL!!] you must have answers! Fear of the crowd seeing through your invisible clothing causes you to invent answers. Once that cycle is started, it is very difficult to break it. So the leaders are stuck. The followers are stuck. No one wants to say that anything is wrong, and they are all scared to death of missing out on the Panda peting paradise! Yeah, something is terribly wrong.

DD

Captain Blithering

True dat DD.

Who was it said 'to know who is your leader - ask yourself - who can I not question?

Suraj Khan

No, you don't sound pompous at all by saying that. We are who we are.

If you're worried about fallout, reproof and such, popular people in the congregation usually get away with a lot more. If they want you out and you meant nothing to them, they will hang you for putting a toe out of line. In that case, your value to them is a sacrificial pawn in a show trial. Such is life in a fear-driven organization.

Since you have family still 'in', a clean, quick break is probably not desirable anyway if you value your relationships. I just wonder how patient your brain will be with you. Living two lives creates an immense amount of mental work and your mind will seek to relieve that stress in many subtle and not-so-subtle ways.

Good luck. Really.

KateWild

Did anyone else out there have a similar long term plan that was scuppered by your own impatience?-CB

Yes, me. I was going to sit at the back row, not getting RI'd until my son stopped going to meetings with his dad. Me and my son planned this. We just changed our minds last week and stopped going to Sunday meetings. He still has to go to Thursdays with dad, but if I get the KM's no need for me to go ever again.

CB, it looks to me a long fade is not your style, you are expressive and fun loving. But that is what your wife will love most about you, she doesn't want a R&F drone does she?

Kate xx

quellycatface

JW and did his best to keep my normal. I cannot say the truth has made her a better person. She has one personality for the KH and another for at home. She went mental when I got married out of the truth 10 years ago. Shame!!! I will not miss her because I have DA'd myself.

Because I could not stand;

1)a lot of the congregation, the smug elders (bitches) & MS wives.

2)the pervy/possible sex offender MS leader.

3)the so called "disabled" Service Overseer who was a fat, greedy, lazy pig who just NEEDED the gym.

4)the Watchtower bloke - a total wideboy "memememe" type who loved the sound of his own jokes and pathetic humour. Sometimes quite hurtful but they said "oh, that's just so and so's humour. Not very Christlike whatsoever.

5)AND the weirdos......

That's why I HAD to leave. I was going up the wall with the craziness of it all.

I've always beleived being true to oneself and that's why I had to leave.

May you find the way out that is best for you.

Self Destructing. oh-oh.

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