Have I really left? (page 2)

KateWild

Thanks phizzy, you made me smile. I have joined the ranks of the UBM's on here, that is to say M = Mother, not mate. My ex is not my mate. The thought that my boy is being forced to go, I hope I never stop thinking of him on a meeting night. He is precious. Kate xx

joyfulfader

It is definitely a process. I have successfully been faded for 26 months. I don't post here very often but I do come here to keep up with the latest goings on since my parents are still in though they have really relaxed their stance now that all of their children have left. There is a new kh that I pass daily and I find that I don't even ever look at it or notice it even exists anymore. I am house hunting and have to say that since I went out in service in the areas where I am looking I have a better feel of the neighborhoods so that I count that as a plus.

I don't know if the effects of the cult will ever go away completely but I truly feel good about my life for the first time. Celebrating holidays feels natural even though I was a born in.

I have enjoyed reading your posts and you have been very strong. I have had to be a strong woman and in the org they don't like strong women. You will make it one day at a time. Each day that passes is one more day of the rest of your life which will be a new adventure. When I am going through a difficult time in my life I just say to myself, "one year from today things will be entirely different and I have the power to shape that outcome". I am always right even if something new has popped up.

Hang in there girl :)

KateWild

Thanks joyfulfader, you seem like you have had a quiet escape. Well done Kate xx

valkyrie

Sam, I hope that you can soon allow yourself to feel loosed from the obligation and routine of meeting attendance, even while you plunder () JWN for the up-to-date knowledge you need, to fortify your son against his regular doses of inculcation.

As for me, although I was a true believer (and how!) during the greater part of my tenure as a JW, I felt nothing but relief and an untethering of wings when I ceased meeting attendance... so constricted I felt by the smallness and provincialness of those proceedings.

The only time that nostalgia ambushed me was during particularly fine summer mornings - when I was out and about at 06:00 - 08:00 - and the thought came to me unbidden: "What a perfect morning for a district convention!" Yes, I keenly anticipated the DCs (mornings, at least), for the change of routine, the new faces, the new literature releases (until they became a boring and outgrown re-hash) - but chiefly because (as a born-in), during the entirety of my life before leaving, they were the only marker of change between school seasons. You see, my family never, but never, went on a summer (vacation)! The only relief from the mundanity of routine was the DC. The remainder of the summer invaribly soaked up the relief brought by that break (not counting the fatigue and drowsiness of afternoon sessions) by long days spent "vacation pioneering" then, "temporary pioneering" and, later, "auxillary pioneering"... until I became a regular pioneer.

That intrusion (the association of fine summer mornings with DC arrival) eventually ceased, after several otherwise unburdened years.

I hope your are able to rescue your son from such a future. Your example, and shared participation in the pleasures of life and childhood, will be a great buffer for his spirit.

KateWild

Val,

I enjoyed reading your experience. Thank you Sam xx

Comatose

Sam, it was several months for me before Saturday, Sunday, and midweek stopped feeling wrong. I had guilt on Saturdays even, odd because I didn't enjoy service. After a few months you stop noticing. Now I dont even think about it. It's great too! :)

KateWild

and midweek stopped feeling wrong. - coma

It's strange I feel free, but I do get the guilt too. I suppose it's breaking habits that take getting used to. Sam xx

konceptual99

Hi Kate,

I thought you were already DF'ed and looking to be RI'ed. If that was the case then surely you are already being shunned by everyone in the congregation?

Does that still make it hard to stop?

ATB

k99

KateWild

Does that still make it hard to stop?-K99

It's insane isn't it? Some are still talking to me though and trying to get me to go to meetings, but it's was a habit. It's insane isn't it? Kate xx

Band on the Run

Kate,

I was born-in and never relished meetings. They were part of the family routine, however. My mom made certain we had special meeting clothes. The women in my family made a big deal about getting haircuts and perms for meetings. I would wonder what other sisters would wear. It was so boring that I spent my time counting ceiling tiles, floor tiles, and looking at fingernail polish. I saw the same crowd for years. It was awful but familiar. My immediate family would go back home and gossip about the loose crowd at the KH. They were loose. We had regular disfellowshipings for immoral conduct. There were no youth groups. I prayed for a single friend.

When my father died, I resisted with my body. I did become worldly overnight. It was a transition of mostly goods but some bads. My extended family was still-in. We made a family decision to respect their beliefs. There was never a show down. I regret that now. My conduct showed me that I did not believe. My father never let me have friends home. I loved the Beatles and paid for albums with a part time job. He confiscated my Beatles collection, my Dylan collection, the Stones (think classic rock, it was gone) and all my posters. John Lennon drove him crazy. So when he died, I could have my posters on the walll. I would listen to the Beatles over and over again. Well, they did not have many albums out then. I played the same album about 15 times before I switched to another. Playing it loud was important, too. I could do what I wanted --within reason. I am surprised I wasn't killed by my family who had to lsiten to Paul McCartney sing some not so great ballad endlessly. School friends invited me to study with them at the library. I just kept doing more and more normal things. Over the long haul, I started to feel that my JW time as unreal. I still feel that my basic self is very worldly.

I was active in the peace movement. There was a lot to do in the 1960s. I joined a women's consciousness raising group. It seems boring today by comparison. I believe your feelings are normal. Under the circumstances, you should be certain to know what is being discussed at the KH to protect your son. You are reaching out to people. I believe you should be proud of yourself. This may sound strange but public libraries and museums played a big role in my life. Have you thought about joining a discussion group? Politics? Meet Ups?

I moved recently so I am making a transition. It is exciting and scary. To top it off, I must move yet again. Do you have family support?

Have I really left?

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