As I stopped pioneering some years ago in a needed congregation and I went into college to have a degree in a very worldly field with all its maths and science, I expected to have a very uncomfortable meeting. I'm living with my parents, thanks to them I can study.
What I didn't expect was the rudeness and loneliness, even physical, I felt. I was seated there in the KH and next to me there was an elder sitting. When he saw I was there he left two seats free between us! I didn't know if I was becoming paranoid or it was related with me. What happened next was going to answer me this question.
Once the WT study started, it was all directed to me. An Elder gave a comment and he said about the picture in pages 14,15: "I can only comment about the picture above, that's what I lived. Maybe, another brother could comment the second one, one who has disobeyed the organisation's advise". Both the WT conductor and the elder smiled.
Another elder insisted: "It's not compatible being a Jehovah's Witness and pursuing a worldly career, even going to University". A sister whose daughter wants to go to college in 2 years tried to do a moderate comment. Immediately, the WT conductor said it was a proof of a brother's love for Jehovah's Organisation.
Meanwhile, in my mind a change was happening. It's the first time I started thinking of it as a CULT. I cannot see it anymore as a mere religion with some false teachings.
After the meeting, some elders wanted to speak with me. 'How was the meeting?', they asked me. 'Well, it was interesting, of course', I replied. What other thing could I say? They insisted to speak about this issue, they asked me why I'm not going to preach more even insisted a couple of times, not directly of course, it was not possible to me to become a MS if I follow this path. One of them was so impolite. He told me he feels so sad when he sees a brother going to university because it's a insult to those brothers and sisters who have sacrificed their lifes to Jehovah, giving to his Organisation all their time and money. Of course, it was his case. He didn't go to college nor learn a trade. Now, he's unemployed and it seems like he wants others to be like him.
I know while living at home with my family I have to go to meetings, preaching some hours and act as if I were a "normal" JW. But last night I felt so alone. I'm in the middle of nowhere. I don't believe in them anymore but I can't left the so called truth yet. How bad I feel!
It's a cult. What I saw in their eyes was hate, and blind obedience to human leaders. They suppress their opinions and the realitiy they see and just follow what the Governing body commands. I don't recognise there a loving God.
Sorry for this long post. I just needed to express myself.
PS: Sorry also for my English. It's not my mother tongue.
