BIG conversation with the missus MKII. Ended well. Wish I could argue better!

by Captain Blithering 37 Replies latest jw friends

  • Captain Blithering
    Captain Blithering

    Well, Had a LOOooooOOng conversation with the missus again after being accused of being overly critical of the bOrg.

    What came out?

    I stated that I thought the bOrg was marvellous, full of really good people, (in OUR experience, it HAS been so far), but that I had difficulty with the DOGMATIC stance we had on certain issues that we couldn't possibly be sure about, and that if I were to vocalise any of these issues and unrepentantly not change my thinking, then I could be DF'd for that, which I view as an unloving bullying tactic. Organ transplants, vaccinations, (Jah will resurrect, don't worry), new understandings of the FaDS and generations etc..

    Particularly the thought that only JW's will be saved. This issue KEPT coming up, and we went into it in some detail.

    She says that in all her years she's NEVER read a statement of that type, and that most of the brothers would agree that there'll be LOADS of good people that will not be destroyed. But she would NOT back down that the official stance is that only JW's will be saved.

    I've written a list of quotes out. Should I show her or just leave them on the table for her to accidentally find?

    It all ended well, I assured her of my love for her, we hugged at the end, she said she'd rather KNOW what's going on in my mind than have me bottle it up, and I'm certain she won't talk about my doubts to anyone. BUT she remains of the opinion that yes, it's a MAN-run bOrg, we've got stuff wrong in the past and probably have stuff wrong right now, but that OVERALL, the good far outweighs the bad, and it takes faith to gloss over the bad. Jah will rectify in his own due time. He let the bOrg carry on smoking for ages, but eventually sorted it out, and he will again. Who else preaches (I replied "lots"), who else uses Jah's name (I replied "lots"), AH, but who else on a scale that we do? (I didn't reply as I don't know!)

    I wish I had a good arguing/discussing head. I did better than last time though, who knows, maybe I've sown some seeds.....

  • DS211
    DS211

    Capn....the extent to which our similarities exist is quite interesting. I am also terrible at arguing...and i feel i have just learned something from that i have not been doing with my wife---being open about my doubts....or at least the things i "dont understand"....i too am starting to feel that my wife would be happier if im honest with her about certain things. So thanks for that.

    If i were in your situation i would kindly sit there and discuss them OR bring a little at a time to her...

  • cofty
    cofty

    Sounds like you handled it really well.

    If you could show her from the NWT that they have been wrong about blood all these years would that be big enough to challenge her trust in the borg?

  • Daniel1555
    Daniel1555

    You can be lucky to have such a loving wife.

    My wife treated me as a second class person for weeks and wants to seperate now. Not because I was abusive or a bad husband. Just because I told her that I feel the bOrg doesn't have the truth (especially because shunning and blood). The only way she can live with me is, if I change my belief about the bOrg.

    You did very well. Only you know how much you can tell your wife at present.

  • cofty
    cofty

    Daniel - that must be an awful position to be in. Stupid cult.

  • Captain Blithering
    Captain Blithering

    Ds - yes, I'm really glad this happened, cos at least now she knows my doubts are not just about a policy, but whether this is jahs org or not. She knows I'm taking this seriously, in response to her talking about faith glossing over faults, I said that if my eternal salvation depends on this then I'm going to do a LOT of research! And cofty - yes, that would be good, blood DID come up a couple of times, but I'm not quite ready to argue that yet, I need to be more sure of myself before bringing that up... I HATE arguing, my brain shuts down, I'm a lover not a fighter, but I'm pleased with my progress I think....

  • Captain Blithering
    Captain Blithering

    Daniel. I'm sorry dude. Words fail me. Stupid cult.

  • cofty
  • DS211
    DS211

    Lol cap'n the similarities continue...wife wife is a fanstastic argu....er. My brain also shuts down and i end up saying stupid crap.

    Daniel im sorry about your situation....its thaat type of situation that makes me more cautious...especially with my kids being involved. If u need to gent and chat you know we are all here for you.

  • bohm
    bohm

    I am also not very good of debating in person, some things that help me is to talk slowly, use pauses when you speak and only object to things if you have thought out an argument previously and you feel the topic is central. Also be aware of your body language and tone.

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit