Aunt.
Epic FAIL! :( My sister is gone from me.
by Faithful Witness 31 Replies latest jw experiences
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quellycatface
Yes, I agree with snare&racket. I always remembered relatives who were good to me. They may have to call on you one day when they need a friend/escape from the Borg. Good one.
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JWdaughter
Not knowing all of the story, I wonder who will reprimand you and for what reason? I think your sister sounds like a small, mean person. But that is, unfortunately, the way JWs are told to be. She is following her master admirably.
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The Searcher
There's nothing new under the sun!!!
While I was standing at the literature counter, an older sister came up to me and confided that certain sisters and brothers refuse to talk to her. I told her not to worry, they do the same to my wife - and we're talking about elder's wives and pioneers here!!!
Hypocrisy is alive and kicking everywhere, but it really stands out like a wart on a nose when it is displayed amongst those who claim to be uniquely, "God's people".
I just asked her to find 20 minutes during the week to read Revelation chapters 2 & 3, and told her that those in the congregations were being given a clear warning by Christ, what behaviour to expect from those running the congregations!
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ruderedhead
Awww, I'm sorry your sister is being this way, Faithful. It sucks, but it's the way she's been programmed, and she's probably getting advice/"encouragement" from those in her congregation, possibly including the elders.
I'm going to go against the tide here and suggest that you NOT respond. You are afraid that she might start to turn your Mom against you, so you need to back off for now, and talk to Mom. Maybe when you're talking to her about the situation between your sister & you, you could gently bring up that your family have NEVER BEEN WITNESSES. And that your sister's behavior certainly does not make it seem like a loving organization, with warm, loving Christian people. Instead it looks like a punitve, mean one with mean, punitive people. Think like we do, or we discard you! A poor witness, and when people hear about how you're being treated by them, they certainly want nothing to do with the witnesses! I know you would do this with love and kindness, not being accusatory in any way. I wouldn't make it a long conversation, as you don't want to cause your Mom too much anxiety over the controversy between her daughters. Have a great day, I hope this doesn't go on too long. Who knows, maybe this will be a catalyst to help your Mom see the light? Keep researching the witnesses and their doctrines so you can answer questions she may have later on.
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tiki
if you were to send gifts to the family in the middle of march would it make a difference? is this just a reaction because of the time of year? if so, if all days are the same to them, and they don't believe in or celebrate holidays, why does getting a gift at the end of december make it any different from one the first week of august?
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Crazyguy
You might want to remind her that she says she is claiming to serve and worship the god of love and jesus said if any act is done in love there is no law against it. So then if she is refusing and act of love by you is she really following christ?
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Oubliette
WMF's sister: I think it would be best if we didn't communicate. ... I hope you can understand my decision and the fact that it is not meant to offend anyone.
WTF?!?
How can anyone in their right mind think that saying " I think it would be best if we didn't communicate" would be anything BUT offensive???
Oh, that's it! JWs are NOT in their right mind, they're under cult, mind-control!
I almost forgot.
Sorry you're dealing with this madness WMF.
Oubliette
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Faithful Witness
She has never been one to express her emotions, so I'm really not certain what she means in that regard.
My suspicion is that I make her doubt her decisions. I am the oldest and she is the youngest daughter, so that part of our history definitely has some power over her.
She (in the past) claimed she had to protect her children from apostasy and idolatry, and this was the reason she could no longer bring them to my HOUSE. I didn't really understand that one either. "I don't know how to explain things to my kids."
I think she has come to realize that I know things about the WTS that she does not want to have to think about, or have to explain to her children. (I have NOT been confronting her with any TTATT or arguments against the JW's. I have been doing enough research, to keep up with current issues, but we do not discuss them. I think my sincere questions have actually made her think, and that scares her).
There was a lot more peace in our family last year, when she was secretly doing her mini-shun, refusing to come to my house, thus making it impossible to get the whole family together (because of distance). When my dad got into the act, claiming that he was just too old to travel to my house for the homemade trade party, I called him out on his lie, and all heck broke loose. I was chastised for telling everyone about the issue (their private business, that they tried to say everyone already knew about, and acted like I was trying to embarrass and humiliate them for being JW's). I was effectively silenced and controlled, because I was still trying to please them all. My dad sent a mass email to the family, informing us that his new top priority in life was to "be a good Jehovah's Witness." He followed that with a "secret" message to me, informing me that he would always feel closest to my JW sister, even if I ever did become a JW now. They go to the same hall, after all! And "don't you dare tell anyone what I'm telling you. I don't want to hurt their feelings." I questioned whether he was serving Jehovah God or and organization, and I never got another email again from him. That was a year ago. He acts normal to my face, but does not acknowledge or reply to any attempts I make at communicating with him.
At least my sister is telling me she is shunning me. Even though she is wrong, she is honest. I give her credit for that much. Poor lost soul.
None of this is meant to offend anyone, of course. I was asked to keep the private stuff between us, private.
Now I feel like I'm not supposed to say anything to any family members about it, and like I'm the one making things worse. It's like they think they can just put me in the corner, and expect me to sit here quietly and not tell Mom about it. My mother has her own issues, and is such a weak JW, that I fear telling her will have the potential of thrusting her deeper into the organization, thus cutting off my children along with me.
I just feel like a crazy person, every time I talk about my family. There is a big part of me that just wants to walk away from the whole lot of them. I would not tolerate this kind of treatment from a friend.
I walked away from the JW's once, but I think that this turmoil had to come and shake my family tree, in order for me to take notice. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond to my posts. I get too dramatic at times, and I am definitely making a lot of mistakes in dealing with my JW family.
I have not yet replied to my sister. I do plan to respond. I like some of the suggestions made here. They are very helpful. I know she has a hard time deciding what to do. She and her husband are honestly trying to do what they believe is best for their children, or at least that is what they are telling themselves.
They have to make choices (we all do). I am having a hard time understanding why treating your family with love, is not an acceptable choice for them.
Oh I just better stop ranting about it. Thanks for this forum. I know I will never please these people.
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Gypsy Sam
That's really shocking, since you weren't a JW and I see so many others not shunning at all, per the GB instructions.