Epic FAIL! :( My sister is gone from me.

by Faithful Witness 31 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  crazy2try

  Hey whatif, I think my parents were a bit more strict then others. My dad was PO and my mom was a pioneer during my younger years. I remember my mom telling me, her parents disowned her when she became a witness. This would have been back in the early 70s. My dad was from a large family in Delaware, non of his family were jws either. My parents moved to where the need was great, far from their families.

  Based off what I remember my parents in no way shape or form wanted to appear to celebrate any holidays because they may stumble someone else.
• 

  jgnat

  Converts are typically the most zealous. They have something to prove. They don't know that generational JWs typically pace themselves - gifts near their child's "special day", turkey in the fall, and cheating on their time cards.

  With hubby (mind you I established trust first), I regularly give him tips for cheating on his time card. He laughs it off, figuring I am making it up. I am planting a time bomb for the day he finds not everyone serves as sincerely as him.
• 

  losingit

  I was a convert, and I took it all very seriously, all the way up to the day I was df'd in February and beyond. July was my last meeting, and that was with the help of this site. It is true, converts are indeed more zealous than born-ins. It just matters to us too much! It will be some time, unfortunately, before your sister comes back to you. I'm sorry :-( :-( :-(
• 

  Faithful Witness

  I am replying to my sister's email today. I noticed she replied from a smart phone, which must be a new thing. Here is what I am going to say. There are a lot of words, but since I know she won't talk to me on the phone, but that she will be likely to read at least one more email, I'm going to be as complete as I can.

  I can't do a lot more damage. My parents are going to make their own decisions, most likely based on the instructions from the org.

  Thank you for your reply. I appreciate your honesty. I have been trying to find a way to respond to your statements.

  I do understand that you are trying to do what you feel is best for your children, just as we all are. After careful research, we decided not to join the Watchtower organization. That was the best decision for our family and our children, and I am open to discussing the reasons we came to that conclusion.

  I'm not sure what you are referring to, regarding prior encounters, or their affect on your emotions. I can't think of anything I have done or said to you, that has been unloving or unkind toward you or your family. (Last year, we were told you were offended when we did not include you in the plans, or telling that Richard was coming to Wendy's for a Christmas party. This year, you are offended when I send small gifts in December. Did you receive the treats? The Applebee's gift card I sent this summer? I'm confused why you accept certain gifts. If you tell me the criteria, I will try to abide by it. The whole idea of the homemade trade, was created to accommodate JW beliefs. Everyone else has to bend, but you still rigidly reject all attempts at love or generosity toward your family).

  I was never a Jehovah's Witness. No, I do not understand your decision. It is cruel to cut off someone who loves you and treats you with nothing but kindness and respect.

  I do not understand or agree to abide by their rules. I love you, and I will not stop being kind to you, J, or your kids. You can stop speaking to me. That is your decision. You can not remove me from the family, or from the world. I will still be here, loving you and praying for you, no matter how cruel you are to me. Persecute me for loving you. I forgive you.

  I do realize they are telling you how terrible I am, but you have known me your whole life. Remember me? We grew up in the same home. I am fair. I am kind, and I care about the feelings of others. I am a peacemaker. I am open-minded and willing to have reasonable discussions about disagreements. I have always thought the same of you.

  Can you please explain to me what I have done wrong? Specific examples, if you have any.

  Put yourself in my shoes for a moment... Try to see it from my perspective: My acts of kindness and generosity have resulted in your decision to stop communicating with me? This is offensive. There is no other way to describe it.

  I will continue to be kind and loving to you and your family. If you choose not to do the same, that is your decision. I forgive you. I do not live by the rules of an organization, so I will be keeping my heart and arms open for you and your entire family. I am still your sister, and I love you.
• 

  Faithful Witness

  Sorry for the choppy post. For some reason, the paragraphs don't always get recognized from my iPad.
• 

  ABibleStudent

  Hi Faithful Witness, You wrote many good points. I would move the paragraphs asking your sister to put herself in your shoes and then that you were never a witness so please explain why she is stopping communicating with you, and avoid writing anything that she can interpret as condemning the WTBTS. If you cannot reach her authentic persona in the first sentence it is unlikely that she will read the rest of your email.

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  Robert
• 

  ruderedhead

  If you are going to respond, this is a great response, in my opinion. You may or may not want to take Bible Student's advice about the paragraph to eliminate. Student does make a good point. I think it is good either way. You know your sister, not us, and you are the one who will have to deal with any outcome.
• 

  jgnat

  I like your words, and abiblestudent's suggestions on order.

  Regarding this sentence:

  My parents are going to make their own decisions, most likely based on the instructions from the org.

  Just to be clear, the WTS is unlikely to give specific direction to your parents on what to do. Elders at most would direct them to read a QFR. So your parents are going to read an ambiguous article, be inspired to "make a stand" and on ridiculous things like visiting family, where there's precious little to "make a stand" with. I swear Witnesses tie themselves up in knots over nothing.
• 

  whatif

  I hope you will be able to have a good heart-to heart with her after your email. I'm wondering if it would help if you were both to agree to not discussing religion when you are together and at family events. Just enjoy doing stuff together and enjoy family time. It may remove the stress and emotions she is finding difficult to balance if she knows you're not trying to stop her from being a JW and also her not trying to get you to be a JW either.

  @crazy2try: It's interesting that your mom's parents disowned her for becoming a Witness. Having lived that from her parents I'm just wondering if she did the same to you for no longer being a Witness? So true how many JW's in the 70's and 80's were unnecessarily strict to make sure there was absolutely no semblance of being like the world. It's so different today. I like how a lot of the younger couples/families plan so many fun things for their kids and not just taking them on field service everytime they have a break from school. Little girls having tea parties dressed as their favorite Disney princess. Lot of fun outings and kid parties with games, and gifts - and yes, wrapped gifts! Not to mention a lot of other occasions for parties and gift-giving. When someone moves to a new apartment/house...there's a housewarming. Someone moves away...goodbye party. Graduation parties. Anniversaries, baby showers, bridal showers, bachelor/bachelorette parties. And of course lot of gift-giving going on here with fun and games. Then there are many themed congregation get-togethers like luau's etc. I can go on and on. I would have a hard time believing JW kids today feel deprived. The new generation are getting way more gifts than their counterparts get for b-days and Christmas. I think that's terrific of the parents today. They don't want their kids going to school saying they don't get gifts nor feel like they are missing something because of being a JW. In the 70's it was like parents were going out of their way to make sure their kids stood out like a sore thumb. It was a different world and a different time.
• 

  crazy2try

  Whatif. What you say is true. When I was about 8 our family moved to a larger city and I experienced many of the things you described. My dad was still a presiding overseer and our rules where still very strict, but there were a lot of witness parties to attend. Thank goodness cause I think those gatherings were my saving grace, kept me sane.

  My children did go to a few themed parties. My son dressed up like a moose for a Noah's Ark party. That was a lot of fun. Those gatherings were my best memories.

  Faithfullwitness, I read your letter. My heart feels your pain. I recommend, like the others taking out anything that points a finger at the org, she will go on the defensive and not hear the words that will really help her, which is your honest and pure love as her sister. Good luck, I hope that over time she will come to realize what the org is really doing to her life.