Non JW girl with a JW guy

by Accio 30 Replies latest social relationships

  • Accio
    Accio

    Hello. I want to talk about my story because I need help and advice and most impirtant a lot of comfort.

    One year and a half ago I met a wonderful guy. He was really nice and supporyed me during hard moments. I slowly fell in love with him. He has a so awesome personality. He was adorable with me while no one were really nice with me. We were talking everyday through messages. And then he confessed to me 5 months after we met that he is a JW. First I was shaken by this confession because here it's not considered as a good religion. He explained to me a lot of things and I fell even more in love with him. I'm not a JW tho.He slowly fell in love with me too while he wasn't supposed to. We were like a couple sharing everything about our lives no matter the distance, age difference,... He just wanted me to learn about JW, understand him better. That's what I did. But I wasn't telling him I was learning. So we had few arguments but it always ended well. Until last Octobrt. He said he couldn't wait longer to see my efforts and broke up. He didn't let me explain. I'm a student and he isn't. He doesn't understand school is hard. We kept talking. He told me he needed time to think and that we would try again to be together. You know he told me so beautiful things and we planned a lot of things together. I was extremly happy with him ! But few days after we broke up he started a relationship with another girl. I don't know anything about her. I think she's probably a JW too. It totally destroyed me. Just few days after a break up ! What a shame ! I know they hit hard times twice... but it seems he loves her now. So I started being depressed. Really deeply. Crying a lot, not eating and sleeping. We stopped talking for a while. Then we talked again. And I confessed him all the things I learned about JW and all the efforts I did. He felt sad knowing that just now and not earlier. We stopped talking again. I thought he was thinking about being with me again. But not at all. I thought after those cobfessions he would give me another chance to prove him we can be together even if we aren't from the same religion. Now we just spend our time arguing. I can't stop asking him to come back. He ruined my life. I already have other problems and school. But since he's gone I'm depressed and extremly exhausted. I lost a lot of weight. I have big migraines and sometimes I lost consciouness. I spend my time crying. I do everything I can to get better. But I know only him can save me. I know he wants to help me but being with me is a big no. I mean he said he doesn't want to break his friend heart (which I understand) but if it doesn't work with her he will be happy to be with me again. My biggest wish us to see him break up witv her. My friends all said he will come back but I'm starting losing hope. I feel like my life is meaningless to him. And my health and heart too.

    What should I do ? What should I tell him ? There is still hope ?

    I'm really worried for myself. It destroys me not being with him. I'm not that kind of girl on fact. It's the first time losing someone hurts me so much. I can't get over it. I tried a lot of things to save myself but it doesn't work. I have lot of respect for his faith and it doesn't seem he sees that. As well as he doesn't try to understand my pain. That's terrible he chose to break up with me just because of religion ! I mean we have same interests, see the world same way, like same things... He said I was different and special. The first he met someone like me... I'm really lost... I won't get better without him by my side.

    Thanks for your help !

  • mynameislame
    mynameislame

    1. You will eventually get over him just give it time, lots of time if you need it. It will take as long as it takes.

    Think of the sadness as something temporary like a cold or a sore muscle. Yes it is uncomfortable but eventually it will go away so no need to obcess over it.

    2. He used you for his own selfish needs then moved on. JWs are no different than any other people in that regard maybe even more so.

    You said "I have lot of respect for his faith"

    Don't, if he was really acting on that fath he would never have gotten involved with you in the first place.

    He lied you on and you have the right to be mad at him for that.

  • sir82
    sir82

    You are far far far FAR better off without a JW in your life, if you do not plan to become one.

    And even then.....

  • LostGeneration
    LostGeneration

    He ruined my life. I already have other problems and school. But since he's gone I'm depressed and extremly exhausted. I lost a lot of weight. I have big migraines and sometimes I lost consciouness. I spend my time crying. I do everything I can to get better. But I know only him can save me.

    How can he save you if this is the result of his past actions? Fact is, he was breaking the rules by dating you in the first place, that is a no-no for active JWs.

    You will be OK. You will survive. You will find somebody better for you.

    Or you can try to force this relationship and live a lifetime of misery and pain as you continue to be placed firmly behind his religion.

  • Comatose
    Comatose

    Things will get better I promise. Don't give up on believing that. Also, I don't how to tell you this in a way you will believe, but the reason we are here is that the JW religion destroys. If you were with him you would lose your family and friends. Stay away please.

  • ruderedhead
    ruderedhead

    Accio, I'm so sorry for your heartbreak! But jw's aren't supposed to date/marry non-jw's. He knew this when he started a relationship with you.

    Please consider seeking professional help. Does the school you attend have counseling services that you can use? If not, can they recommend one that is affordable to you? Perhaps the other problems in your life, combined with the fact that he was there during them, are making the loss of him seem more difficult. But you need professional help now. You are becoming physically ill from this man's exit from your life, and it seems he is stringing you along, just in case, or perhaps because he is confused as well. No matter, YOU SHOULD NOT GIVE ANYONE THAT KIND OF POWER OVER YOU. YOU NEED TO TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK AND MOVE FORWARD, LIVING THE BEST LIFE YOU POSSIBLY CAN! Don't you think you deserve it, with someone who won't play games, intentionally or not? Again, please seek professional counseling, and try to focus your energies/attention on your schooling. All the best to you, Accio. and we are all here for you as well, if you need a shoulder to cry on.

  • Ding
    Ding

    Welcome, Accio.

    Please don't let your happiness depend on this person.

    Don't consider joining the JW religion just to please him or win him back.

    Move forward with your life, not backward.

  • galaxie
    galaxie

    You must realise the man you fell in love with is part himself and part jw if he ever came to realise his jw part is false he may become someone you don't recognise which could be much more traumatic for you in my opinion you should try to meet someone who can give you his whole unadulterated heart good luck to you I hope you get through your hurt soon time is a great healer I know from experience

  • ABibleStudent
    ABibleStudent

    Welcome Accio , I'm sorry that you feel a lot of pain now, but with time you will feel less pain. You are much better off without being victimized by the WTBTS and dealing with the cult and authentic personas of your JW former-BF. If you do not understand then watch the following two videos: Strategic Interactive Approach explained 2003 (1:23:23) and

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIDwXYACfmM

    Go out and make more non-JW friends in your life and maybe you will meet someone who you love more than your JW former-BF.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

    Robert

  • 3rdgen
    3rdgen

    Accio, Welcome. I'm so sorry your heart is hurting. This is especially difficult because he gave you so many mixed signals. This is an indication of his lack of character. Taking up withsomeone else so soon after your break-up is yet another sign of bad faith. As hard as it may seem now, you are better off that he showed his true colors to you before you wasted any more time with him. What to do now? First: for heaven sake, STOP reading his messages, STOP taking his calls. ANY communication with him is damaging to your recovery. Now is the time to heal, to immerse yourself in your studies, have fun with your friends, meet new people etc. It will be hard at first because you are obsessed with him. If there are councelors at your school talk to them for additional help. Good luck to you!

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