Great idea Jgnat!
Dropped you a PM Konceptual99.
I think my fade has hit a rut. Do I need to grow a pair?
by konceptual99 37 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
snare&racket
They have designed it to be hard to leave them, they are like an unscupolous compnay that offer 6mths free, then take everything you own via the small print. Writng to them to ask them to stop taking from your life, results in even more taking, your family and friends. No matter why you are leaving no matter how good a person you are...
I am sorry tha you are going through it, give it time and it gets easier. It is important to make a life for yourself in the real world. The life offered in Watchtower, with all the trinket privelages (car park duty/ microphones) have so many conditions and in reality have zero value outisde of that community.
The friends and family you lose, well for me, this is a case of letting other people chose to do as they wish. The desicion to shun is not yours, but your friends and family. I assume you are a good and conscientiable person as are most people, if they shun you, it is for them to live with and explain to themselves and the people around them. There is nothing we can do about it.
Missing family and friends DOES NOT MAKE WATCHTOWER's TEACHINGS TRUE, which though, logical, is sad. But this is the game WT plays and it is hurendously sad and destructive. They are one of the smallest religions of the world, they are statistically the poorest and least educated religious denomination. Having been through it, it all makes sense now and it is a shame to have people you love left behind in it. But that is for them to decide. by leaving we are leading the way....
Stick at it. Put lots of effort in catching up with the people our agein the world who have built up a life for themselves.
Snare x
-
nugget
This is your life and only you can decide what you can tolerate and what you can't. It is easy to tell you to force the issue but you are the one living with the consequences of your decisions.
You have several issues, your own well being, the relationship with your wife and the affect of the religion on the children. It is natural in the organisation for a wife to over compensate when a husband starts to draw away from the organisation. Women have a lot invested in the society, often family and friends as well as networks of friends for the children are all tied up with the organisation. This can mean the emotional anxiety is high as if you were to quit then it might jeopardise her friendships and relationships. The intellectual arguments will be less important than the perceived loss of status and friends and it is easier to say Jehovah will sort things out rather than confront issues and risk relationships.
If you wish to continue fading then stopping service is the next step, then reducing meeting attendance further and seeing how it goes. Confrontation may just force her further into the organisation or get her to go to the elders for advice.
-
cantleave
Only you know the answer to that question.
The question you need to ask yourself is how to break the indoctrination with your kids.
-
Hortensia
Thinking about it is the first step to doing it. So, it seems to me you are already working up to declaring yourself and you will do it when the time seems right to you. You'll feel a lot better, although it may open that can of worms you mention. Still, even with the hassle, it feels good to be authentic and to tell the truth.
As for the kids, tell them the truth too. You no longer believe. Let them know when they are old enough they can choose for themselves, too, and in the meantime not to worry about it. If the JWs frighten them with armageddon, tell the kids the truth about that too. You don't really believe you are in any danger, nor are they.
-
clarity
Konceptual .... right now you can still lead your kids
& wife in family study ...if you are not doing that ..start!
*
Choose your study material well!
*
Once you declare your disbelief ...this will be stopped!
Maybe you have tried that route ..I don't know.
*
You are being blackmailed by watchtower society...
and the currency is ........your family!
Don't give up easily ...they would like that!
*
Be strong.
clarity
-
OneGenTwoGroups
I feel ya.
Former pioneer/elder here. My wife and I both have 20 years of full time service.
I resigned as an elder in 2012, been a weak publisher ever since. I plan to convince my wife to move to another congregation.
The plan is to drop field service and do Sundays only. We make all of the meetings right now, and do FS every other Saturday. I'm commenting once per WT study, I said some stuff I shouldn't have to the elders when I first lost belief, I'm now doing damage control to keep from being dfd as apostate.
We can't be honest right now, but someday, someday soon, we will be able to be brazenly honest, with impunity!
-
konceptual99
Thanks for the responses so far. The subversive family study is the difficult one to do. My wife will 100% call me out if she thinks I am presenting anything with an agenda and she ain't stupid. For example, the Bible reading is Genesis again and we will be moving onto the flood. There is no way I can present that crock of booshee to my kids in the way I would have done 2 years ago. If I start throwing in a tame but leading question about the illogical dispersion of the animals post flood or suggest research on what is meant by kinds, the practical realities of looking after a bunch of animals in a boat for months on end then my wife will smell a rat.
I guess it needs some really creative thinking.
-
Fernando
Would you beat a blind man with a stick and demand he see?
No?
Well then why would you consider doing this to your wife?
She needs to be gently prepared or led - in other words the lights must come on first, before she can see or deal with the astounding flaws of the corrupt Watchtower organisation.
In simple terms she needs to really grasp the thrust of ISoCF before being able to deal with CoC. She needs a soft landing - not a crash landing.
At any rate it worked for our family.
It was a process not an event.
It took 1 year of preparation, followed by 2.5 years of intense and very rewarding family study.
Best wishes on the journey to a renewed and happy family.
-
ABibleStudent
Hi konceptual99, I'm sorry for your predicament with your wife.
Have you tried any of the following:
- Have you read any of Steve Hassan's books (i.e., "Combatting Cult Mind Control", "Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves", and (his latest book) "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults and Beliefs")?
- Have you started a Bible Study night with your family where you help your family to understand how the Pharisees and Sadducees used BITE control to victimize Jews and how Jesus Christ felt about the Pharisees and Sadducees. DO NOT attempt to draw any comparisons with the WTBTS.
- Have you asked your wife simple questions to learn more about what she likes, how she was treated as a child, why she feels the WTBTS has the "Truth", and does she know how to use the internet to do independent research? Instead of showing your wife that the WTBTS does not have the "Truth", ask her what research has she done when she expresses doubts about the WTBTS or some injustice in the KH?
- Have you tried to encourage your children to make non-JW friends and have sleep-overs with families that your wife may share interests?
- What non-JW activities could you and your wife do that would allow you to meet non-JWs with similar interests?
- What time consuming and non-WTBTS hobbies do you and your wife like to do together?
- If your wife likes to go to Assemblies and Conventions, have you showed your wife how much money that you could save using the internet to locate hotels with features that you ike. You can also help your wife to read hotel reviews to compare WTBTS approved hotels to other hotels. It is important to stay at non-WTBTS hotels, because it will allow you to enjoy some non-WTBTS downtime to allow your wife's authentic persona to overcome her cult persona.
Best of wishes helping your wife to critically think for herself
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert