I think my fade has hit a rut. Do I need to grow a pair?

by konceptual99 37 Replies latest jw friends

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  Oubliette

  k99: So for the past few months we have been following the same old pattern of reasonably regular meeting attendance (2/3), 1 saturday FS a month (for me - the missus goes out in the week) and personally doing enough to keep under the radar of the elders. It's a rut. I want things to move forward but nothing is really changing.

  Not to be mean, but you haven't faded. You are, in fact, being more regular than many JWs. You are THE typical "low hour publisher." Makes you reconsider why all those publishers fall into that category, doesn't it! Maybe they all feel just like you.

  k99: I am coming to the conclusion that I need to be clearer about my position just so the kids see the reality of situation

  Yes. Just don't do anything that can get you branded as an "apostate" and DF'd.

  It's time to take the lead away from the cult and into true freedom. Go slowly and patiently, maybe you'll get your whole family out. Most don't, but at least you'll be doing what you know is right. That always has the best results.

  I like Besty's advice to "be the best husband and father you can be," but I'd hold off on the "try and arrange fun stuff that conflict with meetings and service," part, at least for a while. Too much, too soon is not a good idea. Use the gradual approach.
• 

  BU2B

  These Ideas are very useful to me as well! Thanks guys! Giordano! Really great ideas.
• 

  konceptual99

  Oobliette... Not to be mean, but you haven't faded. You are, in fact, being more regular than many JWs. You are THE typical "low hour publisher." Makes you reconsider why all those publishers fall into that category, doesn't it! Maybe they all feel just like you.

  You're not being mean but I never said I'd faded - just fading. The whole point of the post is a recognition that my fade is stalling and that right now I can't progress it any further as I don't have my wife on board.

  I'd love to know what all those other "weak" ones are really thinking!

  Oobliette... It's time to take the lead away from the cult and into true freedom. Go slowly and patiently, maybe you'll get your whole family out. Most don't, but at least you'll be doing what you know is right. That always has the best results.

  Yup - that was the plan but at the moment it's me just repeating the same things over and over again and getting (surprise surprise) exactly the same results. The plan has to change so something moves.

  On a side point - why does the editing tool bar never appear the same two times in a row.... One for Simon in the tech forum I think....
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  leavingwt

  I think you should have greater concerns about your marriage. These things usually end in divorce.

  I'm not trying to scare you, just make you aware of the statistics. Prepare accordingly.
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  Giordano

  Thank you BU2B. It seems to me that banging ones head against the trite dogma of the JW'S is not the way to go.

  What K99 and his wife have in common is the love of their children. And those children need to be protected from the dangerous and wrong headed policies (turned into beliefs) of the flip flopping WTBTS.

  I think this change of belief and life style that K99 is inching into needs to have the children's interests front and center. K your going to be playing the long game now while at the present time your wife is still playing the short game.......... which is that Armageddon is coming. Fine let it come but be prepared if it doesn't.

  My wife and I left 45 years ago. We bet on the long game not on 1975. We bet on education for ourselves and our son. On the best medical care without the WTBTS interfering. 30 years ago I needed blood to survive open heart surgery...... I made that bet.....this was before factions.

  You need to find common ground with your wife based on what is right for your children now. Once she accepts her responsibilty as a parent to help plan for a healthy educated future the dogma will will not look the same.
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  Hoffnung

  Do not underestimate the effect of feeding little nuggets one at a time. It is like removing small chips. If you have done it long enough, one small push can make the tower tumble. In the mean time it is important to be and to show you are a good husband and father, and to slosly prepare for the life beyond the watchtower, that is building a circle of non-jw friends
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  konceptual99

  Thanks for your candid comment leavingwt. You are right to warn against complancancy. I am 100% sure that if I were to take a more visible stand as far as participation in witness activities is concerned that my wife and I would be fine. What would make place a strain on our relationship is if things escalated and it had a big effect on our relationships with friends and family. That would have a far more significant impact on her than simply having to attend meetings without me.

  Of course, there would be more occasions for potential disagreement which is not ideal but I think if I can keep under the elder radar and not rock the boat too much in terms of the short/mid term social impact then that would help as things settle.
• 

  flipper

  KONCEPTUAL 99- You've had some really great astounding suggestions and I agree with 99 % of our fellow JWNers here. I'm constantly astounded in a good way with the wisdom with folks on the board here. I value all of you as friends. Thanks for helping our k-99 buddy here. That being said- you still have a tough road to hoe ahead of you. I agree with Adamah, you REALLY need to be careful to keep yourself off of the elders radar or this thing could spiral out of control in a very real way. You state that your wife won't rat you out to elders- well, perhaps - but when it comes to having minor children involved I found in my former marriage to a fanatic JW wife that she became like a JW mama bear when I showed doubts. Overly protective and defensive. AND - She also stated that I needed to be the spiritual head. I would still take a discreet and careful course. I would fade away from more meetings and stop within a year and stop service too- you could use the depression card, or just say you have some doubts you are working out but that you love your wife dearly and be sure to do LOTS of non-JW activities with her. You might talk with her about SOME doubts- but be careful WHAT you say- it might escalate and the elders WILL use the opportunity to invade your family and marriage privacy in your home. Just speaking from experience. Be true to yourself, but be cautious in WHAT you say as they will use your words against you- possibly your wife OR the elders. Just my 2 cents. Good luck