I feel so guilty

Leander

These past few weeks I've spent a lot of time trying to decide how I want to proceed with the rest of my life. One of my first decisions to carry out is to break free from the WTS. Even though I've been a life long witness I feel no guilt or hesistation in leaving the only religion I've ever known. All of the information that I've read and researched and also the encouragement from many of you has helped me to realize I need not fear any intimidation from the WTS. Also the fact that I'm naturally a loner makes it a little easier for me to deal with the fact that many of my friends will probably shun me.

What makes me feel guilty though is that I want to end my marriage. This might sound strange but I still love my wife but unfortunately I don't see anyway for me to pursue the life that I want and still remain married. As a witness youth I avoided all the things that the society spoke out against, I learned to supress many of my desires and dreams in an effort to be a loyal witness. Now that I've decided to abandon that way of life I'm looking forward to enjoying many of the things that I've always wanted to do. One of them is to simply be able to live by myself. Beleive it or not I've never had a place of my own or known the feeling of being independent. I went from living with my family to living with my wife. I was strongly encouraged not to obtain a place of my own (as were the other young people in my area) until after I was married.

I know it will hurt my wife deeply if I end our marriage but on the other hand I don't find my life enjoyable the way it presently is. Every morning that I wake up is exactly like any other, nothing in particular to be excited about just the same old schedule. Go to work, go to the meetings, prepare talks, spend time with the in-laws, etc. I may have been happier in my current situation a few years down the line but right now I find no happiness in life at the moment. While I would'nt say that I'm depressed, I'm far from being satisfied with my current situation. I'll be 30 years old in 8 days but I feel like I know so little about life.

What would you do if you were in a similar position?

I feel so guilty

ashitaka

What would you be missing if you remained married but got yourself out of the JWs? Are you being a little selfish? If you would not be unduly harassed, then there's no reason to leave your wife, that is, unless you just want to leave.

It's a free country, but it doesn't mean that all things legal are right.

ashi

detective

You want to spice up your life? tell your wife that you don't want to be a witness anymore and let the chips fall where they may.

That oughta do it!

Maybe she won't want to be married to you anymore if you don't want to be witness?

LittleToe

It may be that the act of leaving the JW's will cause her to go her own way, anyway.
The truth is that it will likely hurt her greatly, and she may have great difficulty understanding why you are leaving the WTS.
Do you REALLY want to leave her, or is it just that you feel like you are in the doldrums with your whole life?
Are you considering a job / house change, as well?

You also state that you are a bit of a loner. Don't underestimate the fact that leaving the WTS will still hurt you at some level. I hope you have some real, flesh and blood, friends to help you through that period. The board helps, but can only do so much.

All of the above is from personal experience, as I left the WTS in January.

Hyghlandyr

Leander I totally know where you are coming from. My wife and I were seperated over and over again. We still do not have a good relationship. We mostly just try to ignore each other. When I am gone, like I am now, she celebrates. Her basic reason for not divorcing me is because she thinks divorce is wrong. Not because I am a good husband. I make terrible husband material.

On the other hand there are things she does that detract from our relationship as well. More and more I am coming to the decision, that unless a drastic sudden change occurs, we may simply be seperated and probably divorced again. I know it would make her happier. And it would make me free.

Joseph James Frantz (My Birth Name) A former member of Jehovah's Witnesses. Congregations: North Olmestead and Wooster Ohio. If you know me feel free to contact me.

NameWithheld

I'd have to add to the 'don't throw the baby out with the bathwater' arguement. You are both adults. It's likely your not being a JW will put a great strain on the marrage, if she is unwilling to see your side of the issue. But I wouldn't automatically give up. Feel her out over time. It is possible for you to establish some 'freedoms' for yourself without leaving her. Many have helped their mates to see the 'truth' too :) Which would be the best thing!

Of course, if what you are missing is 'sowing your wild oats' then I would venture to say that most marrages would not survive that.

But in the end, none of us are living your life, so you will have to weigh everything and choose for yourself.

Leander

What would you be missing if you remained married but got yourself out of the JWs? Are you being a little selfish? If you would not be unduly harassed, then there's no reason to leave your wife, that is, unless you just want to leave.
It's a free country, but it doesn't mean that all things legal are right.

I am being selfish thats why I feel so bad. But do I stay where I'm at to please someone else or do I strike out on my own and pursue my dreams? Part of the reason I'm still a witness now is because I did'nt want to hurt anyone, but here it is 6 months later and I realize I should have made tracks like I initially had planned.

One of the things that I am most passionate about in life is the arts: music, painting and literature. These things have always had a remarkable influence on my life and strangely enough I seem to have a talent in those areas. In high school I won a few literature and poetry contests and I was also offered a full scholarship to art school. But as I mentioned earlier I was always taught to ignore those kind of worldly pursuits and put all my efforts into the ministry. I've shared these aspirations with my wife but since her thinking is deeply ingrained in WTS doctrine she has never been able to understand my need to pursue my passions. I'm not mentioning these things to justify my feelings but at least you can understand where I'm coming from a bit more clearly.

Matty

Although I have different circumstances to you, I am always interested in your posts as you seem to be at a similar crossroads in your life as me. While I have just the one thing, there are two things making you unhappy at the moment, the JW religion and your marriage. You seem very unhappy about all the missed opportunities and your lost years, you want to do all the things that you haven't been allowed to do, well I guess that's natural.
But most of the posts here have it right. Ending your marriage at the same time as leaving "the truth" are two big things that you will find it difficult to cope with together. Go for leaving "the truth" first! However, I don't think any of us here know you well enough to suggest that it would be a good idea to leave your wife - that is far too heavy for a forum like this! I think you need to talk to a counsellor or some kind of therapist about it!

Leander

I should apologize, no one can really offer any firm advice on a situation like this and it was'nt fair of me to ask that question. I'm just feeling so ....insane these days.

I really want my first taste of freedom: the ability to go where I please, make friends based on my own discretion, present myself the way I want others to see me. I want to do some extended traveling, play in a band, smoke marijuana, date new people, go back to school, dance at a club.

I just want a chance to be me without constraints

SYN

It's a tough decision to make, Leander, and only you can make it. We'll be here to support you whichever way you go, so hold tight!

"If men were like their personal ads, they wouldn't need personal ads."

I feel so guilty

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