What is it with teens/adults and dependency on everyone else? (page 2)

TTATTelder

I personally believe that, generally speaking, people tend to do what they can get away with.

If kids can call up pops for a couple hundred bucks and get it, then they will probably do it again.

Parents have to say NO.

Many people are scared of confrontation these days.

I just heard a story about a pair of grandparents that feel they are being taken advantage of as the built-in babysitter. Apparently their kids drop off the grandkids almost everyday. The grandparents are now planning to move many miles away just to get away from it.

Strange us humans.

jgnat

Lots of factors in play of course, but simply put if the parent says the candy store is closed, the young adult will find themselves independent. Good parents can say "no".

jgnat

Here's other examples on how economic pressures effect independence, marriage, etc.

Dark-ages, "common" class young people would defer marriage for years as they tried to build enough assets to set out on their own. So marriage, and consequently child-making, was deferred. Not so for high-born girls. They were assets to be traded young to build alliances and further the interests of their family.

In countries like Canada, a larger portion of our paycheque goes to taxes. That and other factors encouraged double-income families and all the pressures that go along with that. It's not all bad. We have a whole new class of independent women in the work force.

So consider a young person setting out already with a heavy student loan. He can't afford housing on his own so he has to room with somebody. Why not mom and dad?

Defianttruth

Past, now, future. It doesn't change.

My girls have three choices in life.

1. Leave my house after high school graduation and you are on your own. If you want to put on your big girl panties wear them.

A. If you have to return to my house, your life will not be easy. You will work, cook, clean, and be a productive member of the house hold just like I am. I start my day at 5:00am and work until around 8:00 pm. If you don't like it stand on your own two feet and live by your rules.

B. If you live in my house, I will open an account with my name on it for your check to go into. I will decide how you spend your money not you. Again if you don't like it move out.

2. Go to college and I will help you through to your graduation.

A. If I am helping you it means you have not assumed the role of an adult. You will have to submit grades and attendance records to me. I will not waste my money throwing you a 4 year party.

B. I will not pay for any degree that doesn't have an employable value. We will do a monster.com search and see if your choice is a viable one. I don't give a shirt if you really, really love to dance. I will not pay for a dance education. If you want to do English lit. You will have a plan to become a teacher.

3. You may join the military.

A. I will help you for two years while you adjust to military life. I have no qualifications for this as Sargent some where will take care of that for me.

As far as people making excuses for this behavior it is sickening. Why do you protect your adult children from life? Because it makes YOU feel better. Period.

You want to protect your emotions rather than giving them a fair shot at life. It's horrible parenting. As far as being to expensive to live in an area. Move to Starkville, MS and you can go to Mississippi State for $3,000.00 per semester. You can deliver Pizzas, live frugally and make it happen. Work harder, and stronger than everyone else and you will rise to the top. If you choose not to work hard become poor and don't bitch about what you deserve because you got exactly what you deserve. How do I know hard work wins? I did it. I was cut off from my family when I was very young. I have lived in my car, a barn, and a friends garage. I went hungry, I struggled, and sacrificed. It made me the man I am today. It was a f$&king adventure. I will not shelter my children from the most important lesson I can teach. I love them too much.

Legacy

Hi All,

It all started like this...40 is the new 50, 30 is the new 40, 20 is the new 30, &&&& 10 is the new 20. I think today parents deal with alot of guilt factors, they have to work long hours so they don't get to spend much time with their children, so they provide for them but don't nuture them. They stress the kids out early by, putting them in all types of activities, they keep their kids on the same treadmill they are on...stay busy & avoid. I even heard a person at my job that said she felt guilty because she has to work & gets home late. I said, I understand but my Mom & Pop worked too, & I'm ok. It's really not the quantity of time parents stay with their kids but the quality. Many folks come from single parents. I also said, you feel guilty now, imagine how guilty you would feel if you couldn't feed them & see their ribs or when they get sick & you can't afford to take them to a doctor.

I really think most parents love the dependency, they feel worthy. Once the children leave, then what ? So they still call them at 22 yrs. old to see if they wore their boots & have their umbrella. They don't allow them to grow-up. Ever wonder why Moms talk like this when they have a baby, you ask how old is your child...they say...47 months, ah, come on...your child is almost 3 or 4, just because you talk in months doesn't mean it makes you younger. We live in a youth oriented world. I work at a job with many young adults, don't you know, they get paid, but don't think they have to use their paychecks for nothing. If their nose is running & they left home, you know they will wait until they get to work to ask for a tissue. They ask for feminine products, tylenol, band-aides, eye drops, cough drops, food...they think their check is for, What I really don't know...it's a sense of entitlement. But you can't blame them...we raised them. These young ones today are not taught to even be strong or protect themselves. There has always been bullies, now poor little Johnny can't even defend himself, because parents won't teach them the basics. When kids are not behaving in school, the parents go & blast the teacher, not the child, no accountability. Parents will even call the college & fuss with the teacher about the childs grades..they even call their son or daughter jobs to tell the boss their child deserves a raise. Parents are more than helicopter parents, they are all in the childs life.

Legacy

hamsterbait

The idea of single working class children moving out and living their own life is modern. Most people stayed at home, sharing a bed with at least one sibling until they couild afford to get married, and even then a lot of working class couples lived with their in laws or parents.

Plus accommodation is now much dearer in real terms and young peoples wages cannot always stretch to that.

AND frankly what IS wrong with a family all pulling together and depending on each other? Who else should be there for us?

Jehovahs witlesses often throw their kids out on the street. They have no real sense of FAMILY. (They define a family as a husband and wife - forget your cousins, siblings, grandparents, uncles, aunties - especially if they dont buy the cult)

And I agree that we didnt start out with much. When I got my first tiny apartment, I slept on the floor, did my weekly wash in the bath, walking up and down over the clothes (Icouldnt afford a w. machine, or to pay at the laundromat) I cooked on a one ring electric hob, slept on the floor, and used fruit crates to put things in instead of shelves.

humbled

RIGHT-O, Hamsterbait!

will-be-apostate

I don't live at home. I survive on my own. Words cannot describe the freedom I posses comparing to my past residence at my parents' place. I also don't give a &%$* about them, as they have the same attidtude toward me, :)

btw, @defianttruth: military? really? Your "I'll decide how you spend your money" thing seems hard to come to terms with to me.

Defianttruth

Why not military? I no longer prescribe to the idea that military service is evil. In fact, soldiers from the roman era where the first Non Jewish Christians. Every adult Roman was required to be a solder. Why not serve ones country? There is no biblical or moral evidence to not be a soldier only made up rules by modern Christians. I would be proud of my children for serving our country. I would be one of those wierd people with the "proud to be a soldiers parent" sticker on their car. To each his own I guess.

As far as me controlling their money, yes if you live in the house I pay for you don't get to blow your money on 100 dollar hair cuts, 200 dollar shoes drinks with your friends, nice steak dinners, or any other stupid items people spend money on. I will save your money for you and "help" you learn money management skills so you don't have to live with me. I make enough money on my own I don't need theirs it is not to take there money. It is for the purpose of making them uncumfortable. If you give some one a comfy chair they will sit all day give them a metal chair and they won't sit long.

Like I said,"you want to put on the big girl panties wear them"

Viviane

You can't prepare people to be an adult by controlling them until they move out. Some people here are not good at the parenting.

What is it with teens/adults and dependency on everyone else?

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