What is it with teens/adults and dependency on everyone else?

by punkofnice 30 Replies latest jw friends

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  jgnat

  Well, I prepared my two independent adults by handing over to them the clothing and recreation budget when they were 15/16. When the money was THEIR responsibility they smartened up right quick! They'd rather have the money in their pocket. Their tastes overnight went from Gap to Army & Navy.

  When they were adults and not going to college, they paid rent. My daughter was so incensed, she told me she'd rather move out. She spent several days scouring for the perfect place - didn't need much - they had to take her dog and two cats - I let her stew and ponder - noted the circled properties in the paper but I didn't say anything - then I heard nothing more about it.

  I took flack from my in-laws, too, on this. They offered to take her in. I was furious that they thought it fine to intervene. I knew what I was doing. Preparing my children for reality. Like I say, both my children are independent and on their own, my son with appropriate supports. Whereas, my in-laws have a son in his late twenties that they continue to subsidize. Or he'd starve. This boy has run out of friends to room with. He knows how to mooch and not much else. His self-esteem is in the toilet, and my in-laws have written him off. Such a waste of potential.
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  Band on the Run

  This is a big topic for discussion in the States. My generation is responsible. When I was a teen, independence at any cost was an ideal. Don't trust anyone under thirty. I could not afford rent in Manhattan after college and felt great shame. Perhaps it was the Witness background but I did not feel my parents could make any intellectual contributions to my school work.

  Today's kids readily admit their dependence on their parents. I would not admit it under torture. Professors say they are tired of term papers being written by seasoned adults. I audited a class in Comparative Politics at my college recently. The campus has a very different feel.

  I wonder how much the draft had to do with perceptions when I was young. You know I've told them at Strawberry Fields in Central Park that they should get their own music.
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  Defianttruth

  As jgnat did my younger children have been given freedom with their money. They make their own choices. However if they come back as adults they're going to catch Hell. My wife and I have worked too hard to have to raise them as adults. We are going to enjoy our time after the kids are gone. They can enjoy their lives. BTW I am raising women who will rule the world one day. I am not worried at all About my daughters.
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  finally awake

  I knew from a very young age that I was going to be responsible for funding my own college education and paying my own way in life. It was obvious that my family just didn't have the money to spare, regardless of their desire to help me. I have tried to impress on my own kids that they will need to pay their own way too.
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  RottenRiley

  Punk, my Mom with Cancer had to support her kids who were not willing to work extra hours to pay off their debt. Instead of working two jobs, they allowed themselves to file bankruptcy and stiffed Mom on the rent for two years and blew Mom's car up, they were in the mid 30s when they pulled that shit! Why did the Watchtower not punish him for filing bankruptcy if he was capable of making enough money to pay off the debtors if they were willing to humbly do two jobs?

  Why is it ok to file Bankruptcy if you are capable of working two jobs and avoid stealing from the companies that gave you credit in the first place? So, to answer your question, people in the 30s and 40s are living with their elderly JW family members to avoid working more than thirty hours a week, it's not just the teenagers but newly married couples are moving in with parents to try to save enough money to get a down payment for their homes!
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  LongHairGal

  Punk of Nice:

  I know what you are talking about. But, I think much of the dependency is driven by the bad economy. Also, here in the U.S. it has been said that many young people have had an extended adolescence. In past generations, people were married at very early ages and responsible at earlier ages.

  The world has changed so much, unfortunately, and not necessarily for the better.

  Desirous of Change:

  I think you are right in that some young people expect to leave home and walk into circumstances similar to what their parents have NOW. They don't realize or appreciate that their parents, in many cases, worked their way up and it took years.

  Hopefully, todays young people can do the same!
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  ballistic

  The way I see it is living in Western society is getting more expensive and has been for some time. The slack was taken up by moving from a society which saved money to buy things to a credit based economy but that has now hit a brick wall as of the last recession. There is no slack anymore. This generation will be poorer than the previous. Hold on.

  "Truly I tell you today, This new generation will be poorer than the previous one."
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  DesirousOfChange

  This generation will be poorer than the previous. Hold on.

  .

  I don't find that true among many JW families.

  The parents are living the hard life and they realize that it is because of their own poor planning, as they expected the New World/Paradise to be their retirement plan. These people (my generation) SEE THAT. They are encouraging their kids to go to school, often in outright defiance of the WT counsel. Only JWs who are completely blind and foolish are not encouraging their next generation to make a better life for themselves.

  The rule here is not where to go to college. It's that you do not "go away" to college.

  The kids are all still living at home with parents and commuting to college, and seeking "higher education".

  Lots of nursing students. (They'll need them for all the old folks at Bethel, ya know.)

  Doc
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  Band on the Run

  Where you attend college makes a huge difference in your life. A local community college is not Harvard. Most of the elite schools are generous with financial aid. I received far more in financial from the better colleges than if I attended a state school. No one mentions that the primary reason the military exists is to fight wars. You stand a good chance of DYING, being sexually assaulted, and returning with PTSD. It annoys me that the armed services barely mention this fact when they recruit. I would favor a veteran in hiring. There are pluses. I don't like that the military is the dumping ground for the poorer classes. Hey, a volunteer army is certainly better than the draft.

  I was told I could attend a state college b/c I was working-class and a top student. When the top schools came to recruit black students, I showed up for the meeting. I am so grateful that I had the chutzpah. Once in college, I concealed my background. I saw what affirmative action programs were doing to fellow students - crippling them. It is the height of racism to give students As for no work at all. I see how racism works. If I were a racial minority, i could not hide the fact.

  I compare myself with my nephew. Everything is handed to him on a golden platter. I worked and volunteered. Newark being Newark - I had contact with SDS and the Black Panthers. My nephew's political work is throwing candy to kids at a small town parade. He knew more than I did when he was ten. College, law school, practice, Living in Manhattan,- he believed he could devestate me with his awesomeness. His parents paid a fortune for his college. Some maturity hit with college graduation. He shared his law school application with me. His parents should sue to get their tuition back. I feel a mix of confidence and humility is best. Most colleges are collecting astounding tuition and fees. It would be nice if they taught a few items. I don't blame the students. It is clear to me why the United States keeps slipping lower and lower. Congressional hearings should be held. Anonymous term paper assignments, showing no red marks, should be published in the papers and online.

  My life was too hard. The Witnesses made it hard. If you want to go to college, it should be encouraged. No kid should be rehearsing points to make to a judge to let them graduate high school. The pendulum swings. My education was interrupted in many ways b/c of the politics of the era. We studied it in college and top students turn on the Establishment every so many years around the world. I am afraid I would helicopter parent. Compare the Beatles vs. the Karadashians. I wonder if my generation overcompensated for what we missed in college. When I audited a class recently, I saw not a single sign of protest. There are more 50s type groups active than in the 1950s. What I did note was that everyone is so career oriented than when i was a student.
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  Oubliette

  jgnat: I knew what I was doing. Preparing my children for reality.

  Perfect!

  Our role as parent's is to raise our children so that they don't need us anymore. But hopefully they still love us!