Today I Da'd -Twenty-five years ago. Regrets -some.

by Xanthippe 33 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  sd-7

  Sounds like it worked out for you in the end. You got a chance to live life as it was meant to be lived, to some extent.

  Me? Sure, I've got tons of regrets about it. I certainly wish I hadn't involved anyone else in it all, but...I guess I was smitten at the time and couldn't let go of the woman I loved. My greatest regret is having her be a part of my decision to leave the JWs. She had her own life and wanted to be amongst the JWs. We were going in opposite directions and it just happened that we met at the worst possible intersection on the way.

  Would've preferred to start a new life on my own and start building from the ground up, figuring myself out, learning to forgive and love myself, and expanding my knowledge and enjoyment of life free from having to argue with someone about whether it's okay to watch 'Avatar' and stupid stuff like that. Guess I've had my chances for that normal life and blew them all because it just wasn't in me to let go.

  Beyond that, naw, it's been awesome. I can finally choose what I want to watch or read or listen to on my own. You know, more or less. Still plenty of road ahead, I hope, and plenty of good stuff out there to be experienced.

  --sd-7
• 

  done4good

  Xanthippe -

  It will be 7 years, (since I wrote my DA letter), for me in June. 8+ totally out of the org in any case. I never regretted that decision once, even through I have 3 dear friends that I care about still in, and miss quite a bit. I have managed to have some come and go relationships with them since, but at the end of the day, the relationships are still toxic. You can love a heroin addict, but you cannot allow yourself to be in their regular company. They have to want to change. Those under the spell of "The Lie" are no different.

  Congrats to you!
• 

  clarity

  Xan ... wonderful words...wishing you serenity as you

  muse over your last 25 years. There is always that little

  catch in the throat & stinging tears that start sometime

  when longing for someone or something. For a time, long

  ago, when things were more elementary & routine.

  *

  I was not born in, but did spend almost 50yrs of life

  on the hampster wheel! I do regret that I failed to see,

  after just 20yrs in, that I was in a cult & that my suspicions

  were right!!!

  *

  Still have special children stuck in ....& struggling with the final

  exit!

  *

  The freedom of thought, freedom to stay home, sleep-in &

  never step foot in a KH again ........is almost priceless!

  Almost priceless ...because a final move will mean paying

  a price. The currency ......is my children!

  *

  I'll leave you with a line from a movie Xanthippe .....>

  "Things will work out right in the end .....and if it doesn't,

  it isn't the end".

  clarity
• 

  kaik

  In April it will be 20 years what I walked away. I was born into it, so I did not had much choice. My father studied for JW but backed off around 1975, but my mother continued under influence of my aunt and her extensive family. My father went into opposition as a bigoted catholic and eventually moved to his mother without ever divorcing. My father died without much us around and I regret that I was not there in the last years of his life. My JW aunt attempted to distrupt funeral of my father and made scene and other improper gestures that we had to leave the service. Someone also stole my father posessions during the funeral including his engaging ring that was taken from his corpse. When she died, I did not went to her funeral. My aunt was scheming and dishonest person who produced several of her sons into elders that lead KH in my native country. They borrowed money from banks and engaged in tax fraud in hope that big "A" will rescue them from the debt. Eventually the law caught up with them, yet they still are elders.

  My other parent remarried in faith, but the bitterness stayed in me since nobody in KH cared about our struggle. Everything was just formality, asking for money and donations while elders live in life of relative luxury in Eastern Europe, driving expensive cars, while we did not have enough to bring on dinner table. After memorial in 1994, I just had enough of all this hypocrisy, lies, and spiritual nonsense; and I had left and never look back. I moved accross the globe and started my own life and family. My JW family disappeared from my life for several years without no contact or interest in me until financial troubles started to hunt them. Without having doctrinal, totalitarian aunt controlling their life, their views bit liberated, but we had not discussed faith for almost 20 years until last summer. I do not think my parents would leave as they are too old, around 80 and afraid to lose access to grandchildren as my siblings are in and still supportive.

  I regret that my father did not had more influence over the event when we were small and was not smart enough to outmanevour my aunt from influencing us and enticing us to KH. As a child I did not had choice. I regret that I could not pursue competitive sports as I was extremely talented and athletic and had excellent coaches that would make it worth a while. While other kids played hockey, were winning swimming or running competition, I was going with elders into field service. There are things that they cannot be ever fixed and taken back. My father is dead, and I barely remember his voice. I live thousands miles aways from where I was born, had to start from nothing when I arrived into new country with just one bag.

  Nobody should see their family fall apart for the sake of religious publishing house. Nobody should see their family to slip into poverty while dedicating income into KH where elders drive Audi and MB, while they do not have money for prescription. Nobody should be spiritually raped as JW did to me, when they damaged spiritual attachment to God.
• 

  Gypsy Sam

  I like that you both got out together. That's kinda sweet :)

  I would like to DA on principle alone, but it is tough when you have family in and harbor the hope that you can wake them up. It's only been a year for me, so we'll see what happens this year.

  I hope you enjoyed your wine :). Anniversaries are tough :(
• 

  Tiktaalik

  Thanks for this thread Xanthippe. A beautiful story. This year marks 20 years out for me. My only regret is that i gave some of the best years of my life to the evil org. I spent my early 20s in bethel then pioneering. What a waste. If any young people are trying to summon the courage to leave, I'd advise them to do it sooner rather than later. Life in the big wide world is rich and and exciting and exhilarating. Especially in the first few years after you leave. There is so much to discover and to experience. My other bit of advice is to get some professional counselling. While freedom can be intoxicating, ingrained cultish thinking can take a heavy toll on mental health. Especially with family still trapped inside.
• 

  Xanthippe

  I'm sorry you lost your husband. You must miss him. How nice that you had a good marriage and some happy times together.

  Thanks Hortensia. Yes I miss him very much, he was my best friend. We had a great time together.

  Congrats to you!

  Thanks done4good.

  I'll leave you with a line from a movie Xanthippe .....>

  "Things will work out right in the end .....and if it doesn't,

  it isn't the end".

  clarity

  Thank you Clarity, I love that. So very sorry your children are still in, that is a high a price for freedom. Are you struggling with the final exit in the way I think you mean? Are you very ill? Maybe I'm misunderstanding.

  I hope you enjoyed your wine :). Anniversaries are tough :(

  I did enjoy it thanks Gypsy Sam! Yes anniversaries are tough, wise woman you.

  Thanks for this thread Xanthippe. A beautiful story. - Tiktaalik

  Thank you for your thoughts too and advice for young people, I hope they follow it. I pioneered for ten years and wished I had done something else with that time. A job I loved and that used my mind would have been nice. Money would have been useful too!

  Thanks to everyone else for your thoughts and experiences. We may have regrets but we learn from them. It's the human condition, I guess.
• 

  DesirousOfChange

  Thanks for sharing your story.

  So glad you found a new life together out of the Org.

  I'm sure you must be very grateful for the 20 years you had together and didn't have to slave away for a Paradise that would never come.

  Doc
• 

  KateWild

  We were shunned by my family and it was hard work making new friends. Nothing is perfect is it?-Xant

  I am just 3 months out. A dramatic exit for me, but thanks for the experience, making new friends has been a challenge for me too, but I need to show a bit more patience. Kate xx
• 

  LongHairGal

  Xanthippe:

  I am not DA'd but am a "fader". "Fading" isn't perfect either. You still lose friends in the long-run. But, I don't care because I made new ones. Consider yourself lucky that you made a clean break and had many quality years after you left the religion. Even though I am so sorry for the loss of your spouse, I think you are doing well for the most part.

  kaik:

  Your story is very interesting and I hope your journey out of the religion gave you some happiness. This religion is tragic, as your story shows. The breakup of families is the saddest thing of all.

  As somebody who (thankfully) was not raised in the JW religion, I cannot imagine the pain of being separated from family members I care about.

  Your story about greedy, dishonest elders is sickening and I have no use for them. I have met enough "worldly" people whose higher ethics and generosity would put many Jehovah's Witnesses to shame.