I need some urgent advice, please!!

by alonein321 29 Replies latest jw friends

  • alonein321
    alonein321

    Here's my story. I'm 24 years old and I live in Brazil. I'm a 3rd gen born-in JW and all close relatives in the borg (parents, grandparents, uncles, wife, inlaws) except my little sister (she's 16 and didnt buy jw doctrine). I'm married an also born-in 3rd gen 1 year and a half ago, just married. I deprogrammed myself about a month ago and since then i renounced all my privileges in the Kingdom Hall and quit the preaching. I'm only going to the meetings to escort my wife. Here is the deal:

    We've been having very heated debates about everything and I'm really concerned that I would never be able to wake her up. She is one of those jdubs you have to explain what she's supposed to believe so you can try to show what is wrong with it. I'm very disappointed and also is she. Tonight she said she doesn't know how long she will handle it. I'm not willing to make anything to save the mariage either. But I feel sorry that we are married for such a few time.

    So, any advices, condolences, support will be very appreciated.

  • Found Sheep
    Found Sheep

    Have you read Crisis of Conscience and Steven Hasen's books if not start there

  • alonein321
    alonein321

    Already read those, and Dawkins's books, jwfacts and everything. I'm entering on fading mode but I think I will eventually DA, and my wife wont be able to see her relatives anymore. So things are going to a dark path...

  • jamiebowers
    jamiebowers

    If she is willing to leave your marriage over a religion that she doesn't even understand, I say let her go. You are young and have plenty of time to find a real life partner. Count yourself lucky that you have no children, (at least I hope not). If you want to try to convince her a little longer, try apealing to her non-cult personality and not doctrine. Help her to develop her interests ouside of the Watch Tower cult. Just make sure you don't get her pregnant in the meantime.

  • humbled
    humbled

    Amento what Jamie said.

  • smiddy
    smiddy

    From what you say your wife is not a witness because of knowledge and conviction , rather its because of emotion and family ties . Its a very difficult situation you are in.How do you convince a person its not the truth , when they dont really understand what they beleive or why they beleive it , its just what they have always been associated with .You were obviously in love with this woman to marry her in the first place , so my advice for what its worth , be patient with her , dont expect her to see the TATT as quickly as you have obviously done , with some people its a slow process , dont be so impatient with her. Do YOU want the marriage to end ? if not give her time.If you DO want the marriage to end then by all means take jamiebowers advice.

    smiddy

  • JustVisting
    JustVisting

    Please, take Smiddy's advice as I could not have said it any better. I can relate to your situation in that my wife did not want to hear anything critical about WT...until now. She had to experience the lack of love and genuine love first-hand for her to see the contradictions. I suppose bottom line is be patient, you love this woman, love her enough to help her see WT for what it is.

  • smiddy
    smiddy

    alonein321

    Forgive me , when I replied to your post I didnt realise you are a newbie . Welcome to the board and look forward to more of your posts , hopefully with a better outcome than you are experiencing at the present time .....Take care .

    smiddy

  • never a jw
    never a jw

    Welcome!

    It all comes down to how much love your wife. i am not saying you should love her very much. It's your life and it's your wife. Your patience, caution, dilligence and dedication to preserving this relationship should be commensurate to your love for your wife.

  • ABibleStudent
    ABibleStudent

    Welcome alonein321, Do you love your wife? If she would rather divorce you instead of being shun by her JW family, let her go, but do not drive her away by trying to show her TTATT. Also, use birth control with your wife until she loves you more than her following the doctrines of a dangerous cult.

    Do NOT show her TTATT. Instead do the following:

    • Show your wife that you love her. Listen carefully to what she says and watch her body language. Praise her when she critically thinks for herself,
    • Ask your wife simple questions to learn more about her childhood, what she dreamt about doing as a child, as well as how she feels now. Try to learn how to turn-off her cult persona and how to turn-on her authentic persona. Her authentic persona is your friend, so help it to grow stronger.
    • Talk to your wife about you getting more education/training to provide a secure financial future for both of you (and that you have reason(s) for missing meetings).
    • Meet/make more non-Jw friends and help your wife to meet/make more non-JW friends who she will share common interests.
    • Help your wife to use the internet to research things that she likes such as where she would like to visit on vacations.
    • Encourage your wife to do non-WTBTS time consuming hobbies that will conflict with going to meetings/assemblies,
    • Start home bible studies with your wife to show her how the Pharisees and Sadducees used BITE control techniques to victimize Jews and how Jesus Chirst felt about them. DO NOT show your wife how the WTBTS uses BITE control to victimize JWs. Let her come to her own conclusions.

    Under no circumstances DA from the WTBTS. DO NOT play by the WTBTS's rules - you will lose!

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

    Robert

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