I give up...

MrMoe

I give up... well amost...

Simply lost my perky sparkle. It's gone, and I just can't find it anymore. If I didn't have my Emilly, I just have no idea what I would do. She is the one and only thing that keeps me going.

Got some lovely news yesterday on Mother's Day none-the-less. Seems my mother is not going to make it, although I really already knew this. And now, this morning I found out I have 2 weeks to find a new daycare that is willing to take on the insane hours I have been working.

Been a completely horrible 12 months, and I tell you what, one more thing - and I think I am just going to SNAP.

Sorry, hope I am not turning this into a bi*ch fest, but really, I can't handle anymore. Weekend was totally horrid, won't go into details, but everybody just keeps letting me down. I think perhaps, I lay myself on the line far too much, care too much and take too many things personally.

Company has put a freeze on all commissions - new CEO's policy - we are now on a "quarterly bonus depending on profit program." HA HA HA what a way to screw people. So, I am living on this horribly meager salary. Live in Florida, so the jobs here are PATHETIC. At least I HAVE A JOB. Wanna know something funny? I am SO POOR I have to steal toilet paper from work because I HAVE NO MONEY! HA HA HA Funny, yes? Well, stop laughing, it is not that funny.

12 Month Recap:
~~~
1. Lost my religion
2. Lost mom and dad for a while (now they speak to me thank goodness)
3. Lost my job
4. Got a new job (oh this was the only good thing last year)
5. Got beat to a bloody pulp by my ex
6. Got cheated on by my ex
7. Took the ex back
8. Ex hold knife to my throat tries to kill me
9. Got beat some more
10. Dad had heart surgery
11. Got cheated on again
12. Dad had more heart surgery
13. Came back from business trip found condom wrappers
14. Told the ex to leave
15. Had to file restraining order against ex
16. Ex tried to kill himself in my presence
17. Enter financial ruin
18. Both parents in the hospital
19. Dad has more surgery
20. Mom has more surgery
21. Told dad has a year max to live
22. Started part-time job (don't get paid for a few weeks still)
23. Mother sick in the hospital once again
24. No more time with my amazing daughter Emilly
25. Told mother is going to die
26. Screwed by friends and family
27. Daycare just told me find a new daycare - they are closing down

Ok folks - this is IT. Anything else anybody wanna throw at me? Because I say FU*K IT! I just DON'T CARE ANYMORE. I have no life, no friends, and things BETTER start getting better. You have no idea, simply no idea. I am strong, but my gawd, not this strong.

I will say one thing, my Emilly, she is everything to me. She is what gets me up in the morning. She is what puts a smile on my face when I am so down I wonder if I even want to bother living. Children truly are a blessing, you know?

*sigh*
moe

dungbeetle

(((((((((((Moe and Emily )))))))))))))

Joyzabel

(((((((((((((mr moe))))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry you are going through so much right now. Letting us know about it helps relieve some of the "loneliness". We are here to listen.

Go kiss your daughter for me. She's a cutie.

Hugs,
j2bf

JBean

Moe... I'm so sorry for the year you've been having. Please take a deep breath and realize that you CAN handle whatever life throws at you. And you do have friends... albeit many are here online and you can't actually see us! : ) What part of Florida are you in? I was just down there and wish I knew how to contact you. Please keep venting to us... it's healthy. And my prayers are for you, your daughter and your folks. Jbean

Angharad

((((Moe)))))

So sorry for everything that is happening to you. Stay strong for Emilly she sounds wonderful. We are here whenever you need to talk, also feel free to email me if you want.

Take care
Angharad

BeautifulGarbage

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Moe))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry Moe you have had so much crap dumped on you in such a short time. Life really sucks sometimes, doesn't it? You really have had some big bombs dropped on you as of late. Brace those knees hard and, for your daughters sake, you can carry the burden.

Yes! You do have friends here! And if your daughter is the thread that you have to hang on to, so be it! I understand completely what that is like!

And feel free to vent away here. We care.

Andee

safe4kids

((((((((Amanda)))))))),

Sorry hun I've had a pretty sucky year myself but your list is longer than mine! Feel free to vent; we all need to do that at times. You have my phone number and I'm not that far away.

As for people letting you down, unfortunately that happens. We're all human just try not to let it make you bitter. I wish that I had some wonderful words of wisdom to offer you but I'm struggling with some of these same issues myself at the moment. Hey maybe next time I'm down south, we can hook up and take the kids to the park or the beach. I'll let you know when I'm going to be in the area ok?

Chin up girl...you ARE strong.

Love,
Dana

lauralisa

Oh, MM:

I am throwing the following at you:

1. My ears (eyes I guess..)
2. My compassion and concern
3. A huge amount of money (it's only virtual $$ sweetie; I'm sorry but it's all I have!)
4. Hopes for a break in the shit-stream ASAP
5. Reminder that you are not alone.

Sometimes things suck so much, it's impossible to think straight. If you weren't feeling as screwed as you do given your current circumstances, you'd be a fruit-loop..... please ride things out for awhile until the "fan" slows down a bit, and then your feisty survivor self will take the shit on one thing at a time.

Keep us posted... (hahahaha reallyfunny joke huhget it?)

You still rock, lauralisa

TweetieBird

Mr. Moe,

Hang in there. This is a dark time for you but you have lots of friends here that want to help.

Where in Florida are you? I'm in Central Florida, let me know if I am anywhere close to you.

I'm at work right now, but will email you tonight.

Don't give up, things WILL get better.

Tweetie

ShaunaC

Hey Moe! So sorry to hear about your tough times in the past year. You've been through more than many people can even imagine. Don't be so hard on yourself for finally feeling that you can no longer bear it. You can bear it! It sounds like you've already lived through the worst of it. Things can only get better!!!

In the meantime, focus on that one true joy in your life, your daughter. With everything you've learned in the past year, you've got tons to teach her so that she won't have to suffer as you have. Doing so will be a healing for yourself as well.

I wish you the best in finding happiness. You will and when you do, it will be much sweeter after all that you endured to attain it.

Shauna

I give up...

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