My wife and I recently took the decision to fade out progressively and we are now in the stage where we no longer assist to our meetings. This has been going on for a while now. In this process, we have told the truth to our respective parents but have not forced ourselves upon them; meaning that: We will talk about it when you want to. As a result, my mother in-law already had some conversations with my wife on why we no longer went, but never brought up the subject with me, at least, up until yesterday.
She was telling us that a good deal of people miss us at the meeting and I answered that I missed them also. That there were many people that I enjoyed speaking with and find it somewhat difficult to no longer be able to speak with them. The conversation went somewhat like this:
MIL (mother in law): So why don’t you come back? What is holding you back?
Me: I would like to go back, unfortunately, the sad reality is that things will never be the same and I need to slowly come to terms with it.
MIL: What do you mean? Everyone would be happy to have you back.
Me: Actually, the reason why we are not going back is not because of anyone. There is no one I can point a finger to in my congregation and say that such a person caused me so much grief that I can no longer attend the meeting. Unfortunately, this is a case where is has nothing to do with the members of the congregation and everything about what is being thought!
MIL: I know there are things that makes us all ponder, but the society never claimed to be perfect, we need to be humble and go over these things! Most of what is thought is actually true!
Me: You know that I actually agree with you in that I agree with about 70% of what is thought from the platform and what is printed. Unfortunately, it is not a matter of quantity but of importance. What were the most important commandments according to Jesus?
MIL:Love Jehovah and your neighbor.
Me: That’s right! And he added that on these two commandments, the whole law hangs and the prophets! Therefore, if someone teaches anything but lacks in love, he is working against the spirit. No one bearing the name of Christ and his teachings should ever consider taking actions that obviously lack in love. With this in mind, can you imagine a way by which Jesus would then go on explaining the process of disfellowshipping someone.
MIL: Well, you know I do not agree with this when it comes to family members.
Me: Why don’t you agree with it?
MIL: Obviously, it doesn’t make sense to act that way with family members.
Me: And yet, this is what they teach. How can I now pass this on to my kids?
MIL: Yeah, still you can try to explain to them a balanced view.
Me: That is the issue here: Most adult witnesses don’t agree with at least some teaching and they go on telling themselves that they must be humble and simply overlook such details when in the end, the ones lacking humility are the one enforcing things that could be subject to changes in the long run! So how can I instill trust for them to my kids?
MIL: Aren’t you afraid of what they will grow up to be in the world? They won’t have any protections! They need to be protected in Jehovah’s organization!
Me: Honestly now, try to be as honest about this as you can be: How many people do you know that have been disfellowshipped at one time or another? And how many more do you who have been divorced? And how many have suffered injustice in one way or another. You have been in the organization for over 30 years…. Think of all the people that have surrounded you from the beginning… think of our own family. Do you truly believe that everyone was in a dome protected from all evil? The only difference is that when someone does stupid stuff for a while, they are disfellowshipped. We then go on and tell ourselves that we have protected the congregation, but that very person who fell was part of that congregation. We are simply keeping an eye for the 99 sheep and completely forgetting about that one sheep. For instance, ####### was disfellowshipped before she married as she lived in sin. Now that she is married, the only way she can come back to the congregation is to deal with the ordeal of sitting at the back for at least 6 months so that everyone sees just how much she has humbled herself. How can we conciliate this with the prodigal son parabola?
MIL: Yeah, I know it doesn’t make sence, but you take what you need and leave the bad stuff out. You can explain this to your kids as they grow older. At least you will have the support in teaching them many things about the bible.
Me: So how exactly do you want me to go about this? We are sitting at a meeting, I hear something that simply doesn’t make sense, and whisper my disapproval in my kid’s ears? Of course this wont work. In no time, I will be sitting in a back room with three elders explaining myself.
MIL: You don`t do it at the meetings, but you can do it after!
Me: And still have the very real possibility that my kid will, at one point or another turn against me? I remember one day, at a district convention, there was this 16 year old girl that poured her heart out in regards to her father who was an apostate and that she had no contacts with him. She felt it was hard, but she was placing Jehovah first. And then, about three thousand people in assistant applauded her. I was discussed. And upon reflecting on it, I cannot conceive the idea of slaving for my family and my kid’s future as I am right now only to wake up 15 years later and see my kids on that very stage, cheered by people who, in the end, are clapping simply because the brother ended his sentence on a high note.
MIL: <speech less>
ME: How many books did the first Christian wrote?
MIL: 20?
ME: Well, at our last assembly, a brother boasted from the stage about how the society has printed billions of pages of scriptural teachings. Why do they need to print so much? Jesus thought simplicity. He didn’t even write anything himself. And yet, now, we are in a situation where we must make a search in the WT Library every time we have a doubt about anything. That’s what we are thought at the assemblies when we see mini dramas where the brother reasons with his wife or his kids, with various WT articles. If this is not extrapolating on human traditions, I don’t know what is. We now have much more writings defining our faith then the very Jews that Jesus was condemning.
What are the fruits of the spirit?
MIL: Love, Joy, Peace, etc.
ME: Exactly! Did you notice it is not: Writing, Preaching, studying the meetings, placing magazines, judging, organizing, etc. Yet Jesus said that his disciples would be recognized by their fruits. However, somehow, we try to convince ourselves that the fruits of our organization are all of the other things when we clearly demonstrate we blatantly lack love in regards to people who do less as we are too busy marking them as bad influence.
Conversation went a little further, but I now must get back to work. In the end, I felt that my MIL very hurt as the reasons I provided her did not fall within the usual suspects: I need to work more, I drink to much, I smoke, I can’t stand brother so or so, etc. No, it was plainly the society at fault and no one else. If I have more time, I will finish writing up the summary of that conversation. I just hope it may help other people in a similar situation.