If They Stopped Shunning Tomorrow?

by cofty 70 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  cofty

  Imagine that the cult decided to stop shunning family members on the proviso that the DFd person was not actively trying to attack the cult.

  (Please don't debate whether or not this is likely - it's hypothetical)

  How would you respond to your family?

  Personally I think I would be less than cooperative. Who needs a conditional relationship that could be taken away again on the whim of seven capricious old men?

  I think I would treat my parents as acquaintances, like an aging aunt and uncle who you meet occasionally for polite conversation over tea and scones.
• 

  paulmolark

  I would treat them the way they have treated me all along. I stopped reaching out when I was told it would be better if I die now then at Armageddon.

  They are are dead to me
• 

  Oubliette

  Cofty,

  Great question!
  

  I, for one, would take the opportunity to try and reach my "still-in" sons, but I would tread lightly for all of the reasons you mentioned.

  There is no question, my relationship(s) will never be the same with either of my children. Still, I am the one that initially taught them these beliefs and I feel an obligation to try and teach them that I was wrong and there is a better way, a much better way.

  I'm sure it's different when it's your parents that shun you than siblings or even children. Still, they are family.

  Nevertheless, if they want a relationship with me they will have to show that I can trust them and that I am safe.

  I believe in unconditional love, but that does not mean that I will allow myself to be abused or mistreated. I maintain appropriate boundaries.

  • Ultimately, the most important relationship we have in this life is the one we have with our self. - [attribution redacted]

  -
  
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  ABibleStudent

  Hi cofty, I think that your approach is understandable and reasonable. It is not based on past grievances but on future probabilities.

  Besides who wants to listen to a JW talk about Watchtower infomercials/doctrines if one is not allowed to express ones own opinion.

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  Robert
• 

  Oubliette

  ABS: Besides who want to listen to a JW talk about Watchtower infomercials/doctrines if one is not allowed to express ones own opinion.

  This is an important point. As in all codependent, dysfunctional relationships, they insist on controlling the frame. No subjects may be discussed except the ones which they approve.

  By definition, this creates a superficial relationship at best, a highly abusive one at worst.

  What kind of relationship can you have with someone when you cannot even be yourself.

  This is proof that they do not love you, they only love themselves and allow others around them that feed their narcissistic supply.

  The sad thing is, they are really the ones missing. They think they have "the real life," but we know better. They don't; we do!

  
  
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  Giordano

  I would say great ...... I promise I won't attack your beliefs but this has to be a two way street. You have to promise not to share your beliefs and meetings with me because I have no interest in hearing about that part of your life. And in all honesty it just promotes arguments which we should avoid. We can talk about life, love, food, movies, books, TV shows, sports, science and the cosmos if you want.

  
  
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  freemindfade

  I'd be just the same. They would have to change
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  James Mixon

  I have had JW family members come to my home when I was still

  married to my JW wife come to my door and not acknowledge me,

  just walk right pass me as if I was invisible. My wife tell me dear would you

  mind excusing yourself and go to the bedroom.

  I have come to the aid of my sister when her car broke down, took her

  home but I couldn't set foot into her home. That same sister left instructions

  before she died, for me not to visit her.

  My oldest daughter (20 years since I've seen her) at one time lived a few blocks

  from me, she told me Dad you are not welcome in my home. Other family

  members that I have seen over the years, look the other way.

  Hell I'm not a glutton for punishment, 28 years of this craziness

  I don't have that kind of forgiveness.

  My niece speaking to her seven year old daughter, mother who was that

  man you smile at. Oh that's your uncle.(d) My uncle, where does he live?

  (N) here in town, he's a bad man.

  But if I went back all would be fine.LOL
• 

  SafeAtHome

  JamesMixon Your story is heartbreaking. Sending you a hug.
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  sparrowdown

  If I was disfellowshipped and this happened, my first question would be:

  " Can you count time talking to the disfellowshipped now?"