If They Stopped Shunning Tomorrow? (page 6)

Simon

This suits the same answer I just posted on the bumped topic:

If the Watchtower truly collapsed, how would you deal with your JW relatives?

Right now I think it would be hard. Basically they are estranged through their own choice. I don't know them anymore and don't know if I'd ever want to now. We've moved on and they are strangers from my past. All we have in common is some shared memory of a distant life.

Any conditions on contact is a deal breaker. If they want to talk to me it's on my terms. I'm not putting myself or my kids through their emotional blackmail games.

Dear family. Go fuck yourself. Sincerely. me.

truthseeker100

Dear family. Go fuck yourself. Sincerely.!.

I felt the same way in the early 80's when my family abandoned me.

snugglebunny

The hard part comes when close relatives leave the religion some years after your own departure. When they start communicationg again with you, it's similar to talking to a child. The naivety and programming are evident for many years and they sure ain't no fun to be with!

Splash

cofty My dad told me it would have been easier for them if I had died.

I've heard this so many times, that it would be easier if someone had died.
I don't know if they sincerely believe it or like everything else in JWdom they are just repeating 'the disfellowshipped stance' by rote.

So callous, it undermines basic humanity. No wonder there's so many mental health problems tied up with this group.

KateWild

Hey cofty,

If they stopped shunning tomorrow I think it would depend on the family member that shunned me and their circumstances as to whether or not I would have regular close contact with them.

Thankfully my parents were never JWs so they don't shun me and my kids stopped believing when I was Df'd my teenage son learned TTATT at 11 and my adult daughter faded at 19.

If either of my children would have shunned me I would forgive them in an instant and use that time to show them TTATT so if things change again they won't shun me.

If my parents shunned me and we're healthy and financially stable I don't think I could forgive them....but if they were elderly and vulnerable I would forgive them to help them in their hour of need.

It's a good question but I can't really say with all conviction because I love my family and we are very close despite WT shunning policies.

Kate xx

KateWild

A better question would be would you welcome with open arms a family member who had shunned you if they had just learned TTATT?

Kate xx

Caedes

If you choose to shun people yourself then how are you any better than they are? Having said that everyone's circumstances are unique and it is up to each person how they personally deal with it. Personally I would welcome anyone who decided to stop shunning regardless of whether they were a JW or not.

breakfast of champions

I don't think that institutionalized shunning -- which can be instituted/repealed with the stroke of a pen at the whim of a small group of delusional men -- can be equated with an individual's personal decision to keep toxic people out of their lives or at an arm's length.

StrongHaiku

I tend to change my mind on this from day to day on what I would do if my family was to stop shunning me. Some days I think I would be so happy that I would forget all of the past like some reversed "Prodigal Son" scenario were the joy of the moment melts away all of the anger and pain. Some days I think that I would be prudent and wise to put them through the same rigorous and protracted re-instantement procedure that the JW put the DF'ed members through to make sure they will not do it again.

Over the weekend, my uncle who is a JW, passed away. I only found out about it last night and not directly from my family. I am not invited to the funeral. And, my attempts to reach out to convey condolences and help have been rebuffed.

So, today, I am struggling on which way I would go if the rules changed.

Xanthippe

It's a good question but I can't really say with all conviction because I love my family and we are very close despite WT shunning policies.
Kate xx

I'm confused Kate. You said your parents have never been JW, so I assume you joined as an adult and your kids are both mentally out. So how are your family close despite WT shunning policies?

Perhaps I am misunderstanding you but we all love or have loved our families and our replies to the OP have reflected how we have survived and moved on from having our hearts broken by them.

If They Stopped Shunning Tomorrow?

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