Any Suggestions on what to say if elders ask why you stopped going in FS?

by BU2B 69 Replies latest jw friends

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  KateWild

  I dont really want the elders to even think I am active. I want this all to be over, but dont want to stress out my wife too much, but that is at the expense of my sanity. My daughter is now 4. That about the age of remembering things. I cannot lie to her. -BU2B

  It's clear you have had enough, but taking the next step is a challenge for you. Well done for playing the incompentence card and stepping down as an MS, that was a huge step and humble, as no one wants to be thought of as incompetent.

  You are lying on your report for now and that has kept the elders away, but the next step is to go inactive and start missing tons of meetings. I can understand why you don't want the elders to know you are inactive, but if you want it all to be over they are going to have to know.

  Talk to your wife about not feeling guilty, build her up that she is doing the right thing while she is pregnant and then on another day you can tell her how you feel. It's a risk but many spouses don't leave when they find out the other spouse wants out.

  We are with you BU2B, the next step is hard. Take it when you're ready

  Kate xx
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  BU2B

  Thanks so much KateWild.. I really appreciate all of the support here. You are right, the next step is very hard and I dont know where to take it.. The fade route? Or the DA/DF for apostasy route. If that happens I plan to record it. It seems most likely at this point since I dont think my wife will cover for me. I would almost rather just be announced as no longer a JW.. How refreshing yet a bit scary that would sound for a born in.. I guess I will play it by ear and not stress too much over it.

  I want my wife to know deep down before I ever tell her, how I feel about FS, and the meetings by my attitude towards them. I want her to see that it is pure misery for me. She will be very upset at me, her draging two kids to the KH without my help. She will likely feel betrayed, and that will hurt me. But it must be. Maybe when she sees the lack of love and support she will get at the KH as a "spiritual widow" and how the elders ignore her, she may slowly wake up on her own.

  I will give her a couple months after I stop attending to see if she treats me like complete dirt or if her intial anger wanes and she acts decently towards me. I cannot live in a home where I am treated like a second class citizen.
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  KateWild

  She will be very upset at me, her draging two kids to the KH without my help.-BU2B

  You can offer to get them ready for the meetings and even take them and pick them up. But even better, offer to babysit. The baby will be teething and have a snotty nose, say to her they can't go to the meetings like that. I hope so much that your wife will understand and it does not drive a wedge between you.

  I would love to believe that she will put her whole family first before the GB. Keep us updated as to how it's going.

  Kate xx
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  LisaRose

  You know that there is absolutely no justification for your wife to treat you poorly just because you choose not to be a JW? Per the Watchtower, she is still to show you respect, and it is not grounds for a divorce. You might want to look at the relevant Watchtower articles to show her when the time comes.

  I should know, I was stuck with a disfellowshipped mate for 28 years.
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  BU2B

  I hear what you are saying KateW, but I dont really want to assist her in indoctrinating the kids.. I will offer to babysit however.. I want them away from the KH, especially when they begin to understand what is said.

  Lisarose- your last line says it all.. I was STUCK with a DF mate. I do not want to be someone to be STUCK with like I am a bad person. I want my wife to be with me because SHE WANTS to, notbecause she has to.
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  wisdomfrombelow

  At first I thought of wiseguy comments like "I do go out OFTEN and proclaim the death of the Lord. I do it more often than we commemorate the memorial of Christ's death which were were told to do OFTEN so...perhaps you could consider me as someone who goes out VERY OFTEN...more than once a year..." Or you could say "He gave some as apostles, some as evangelizers...notice it says SOME and I am not one of the some but I am the less comely part of the body of Christ so just accept me as I am..."

  In all seriousness, your wife needs to know you don't enjoy field ministry. Most would admit that they don't enjoy going door-to-door but they are compelled to do so. She might be mad or upset and worry about your future but perhaps the words written above could help her to reason that although you are not doing what everyone expects of you it doesn't make you a bad person. Bethelites don't put in pioneer hours from door-to-door but they are not slighted for that. They do something else for the Lord and they are appreciated for that. You could be mastering the fruitage of the spirit and that is your chosen calling and that should be accepted with equal merit. Just don't do it...you don't have to be rude or condescending but just decide what you will and won't do and be firm about it.
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  out4good3

  Three pages of beating around the bush and coming up with self deprecating lies and deceit.......

  I'm with Mitness My Fury on this one.

  There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling someone who asks you why you aren't doing something "because I don't want to"......period.......and disengaging from the subject altogether. If they press, ask them politely "what part of "because I don't want to" you didn't understand?"

  I'm not so sure I agree with the passive willingness of people's primary instinct and\or suggestions to go into defensive mode when talking to JW's when the best way to throw them off their game is to go into full offense mode and throw their question right back at them.

  They can't eat you........
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  ssn587

  When i had been asked that question. I told them the truth i told bthem it was a waste of time and didnt pro Kruse anything worthy of all the time spent in FS. They were a bitshocked and started in about the gb "encouraging" our participation. So i told nthem i thinkk its a waste of time and i wont bedoing nit end of subject. Then told them they have to go because i. Amgoingto the range. Never heard another ,word aboutit from them.
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  out4good3

  Then told them they have to go because i. Amgoingto the range

  Nice......
• 

  Rattigan350

  Gas costs too much.

  Got to work

  I haven't been out in 4 years and reported since then.

  They dont' ask me about it.