I've enjoyed reading this thread, the advise, the personal experiences, and seeing people help Joe with a complicated puzzle.
I'm goign to thrwo my hat into the ring. I briefly explained before, but I stopped attending my last meeting a year ago. I was kind of mentally torchuring myself not even thinking leaving was a possibility for a couple years before that. Its been a long road. My wife heard me express doubts while we were serving in a foreign country as need-greaters after quitting our jobs and fitting everything we own in suitcases!
So that was our level of dedication. In fact, we were not treated harshly. We were the ones looked up to, taken care of, helped, spoken too, respected, on the parts, fastracked to whatever we wanted, and connected in branches and depts in the US and other places. The JW world was our oyster, and being about 29.....I liked it. My wife who had pioneered did too. This was the fast track.
I researched something on line regarding blood. When the fraction thing was announced and studied, I wanted to learn more. In doing so, I stumbled on articles and boards with dissenting viewpoint. I gbegan to defend JW's on a host of issues. I claimed to be a bible study, not an active JW. In doing so, I could play dumb, and when I didn't agree with something, be honest abotu not agreeing or not knowing.
A few people presented arguements that I simply had no answer for. Blood doctrine was wrong! In my mind that meand bloodguilt on thee hands of those that taught it. I thought of those who told stories of people that dies for their faith. I thought of the many people I had baptized....and their children. That was it. I was never loyal in my heart again. I expressed this to my wife.....and it was bad. She was scared. She told me to talk to the brothers. She even blamed me for ruining our lives.
Here is why I tell you that.
My wife hasn't been to a meeting in 6 months. She isn't sure on blood, but for her it was the SHUNNING that broke her will to remain blind. She felt it was coarse and unloving, and that in the end it did so much more harm than good. That coupled with her seeing me struggle to remain true to my conscious, and try to serve the hall.....showed her that her husband loved her and was trying not just for myself, but for her. I was honest with her, went throguh the motions more than I cared too, but I was reassuring, and we always said its ME and YOU. If we can't tell each other the things in the corners and dark places in our hearts, than we shouldn't have gotten married. If I can't talk to you.....who can i talk to!
THIS type of communication allowed for me to not push, but to introduce thoughts she may not have otherwise considered.
While we are still "in the closet" so to speak, we celebrated her birthday, plan to celebrate our young childs birthday, (and you know how the evil of birthdays just proves you are an apostate), and we openly discuss control, and how our friends minds are being messed with. She even went with me to an EX-JW meet up! She was shaking out of nervousness.
If my wife can wake up, (and she still struggles specifically because of familiy and friends), then ANYONE can wake up. Patience, and the ability to openly communicate is key. You have to set up the communication, and not overwhelm.
"Discovering" something can actually work. It can open up a discussion, where you have not taken a "side" of the conversation.
Anyways, that is pretty much it. I still hope my wife and i can continue to fade. The people that know she isn't going to meetings, even those she has done very kind things for, have basically just forgotten she exists. Its sad.....but its showing her whats up.
