My wife is never going to wake up. (page 3)

marriedtoajw

Thanks for the responses but let me clarify for those who asked and dont have time to read my other posts and to update those who have. My wife and i have been married 23 years and have 5 kids. The the oldest is 26 and is my son from a previous relationship that my wife helped me raise. His mother wanted her freedom and gave him up to me when he was 3. I give my wife alot of credit for taking that on because she loved me although she didnt always handle having to deal him or with my ex well from time to time. He is married with 3 kids and not jw's and sees the religion as a cult and says he always felt my wife favoring our other kids. The other kids are 22, 16, 13 and 9, the youngest being my only daughter and my own little princess. She favors her mother though as my wife doesnt work and I'm out of the house 12 hours a day. She is a girly girl despite having only brothers, not a tomboy. I have 2 uncles who converted to the jws. One 35 years ago who introduced my other uncle to a jw 30 years ago and married her but didnt convert until 4 years ago. My wife got baptised 7 years ago and I think she felt emboldened when my other uncle converted. My next oldest son studied and gave his first talk about a year ago but he has stopped studying and attending meetings about 6 months ago. It was at a time when he met a Catholic girl and started dating. My wife seems to leave my other boys alone except when it is memorial time. Almost as if she is saying, "you take those 2 and I'll take these 2. Here is the crux of my main issue. I did my brst hedging the jw stuff. My kids have all participated in activities in baseball, volleyball and basketball even at the ymca. what confuses me is that my wife will allow her own relatives who are not JWto take her out to dinner for her birthday and she celebrate holidays with meas do the kids. I guess I should be grateful with that.there are many times when JW stuff comes up and it is the big elephant in the room.in order to keep as much peace as possible I have neglected my own spirituality.I was raised Catholic but have not practiced for many years because of this issue. And I know many of you have issues with the Catholic Church so I won't go into detail about God's handsbackspace or anything like that because it is it really relevant or is it. ive seen my wife change. She has become a little self righteous and at the same time more matetialistic than she use to be. I use to take ghe family on vacations and weekend trips but i have been unable to afford these things the last 3 or 4 years but i have never worked harder than i do now and ive always worked hard. Her parents and sister have become such gung ho jws that i think my wife will never allow herself to consider tatt as i have already dropped seeds but to no avail. Sorry about errors, im on my phone

DJS

Married,

First I would suggest that you need a divorce. Divorce the concept that your 'spirituality' (whatever that means) has anything to do with religion or god. You can be 'spiritual' and a damned good person absent any religion or god. Show your wife that. But first prove it to yourself. Your being a kind, decent, honest, ethical leader of your family hasn't anything to do with the Catholics, the Dubs or any other relgiion. To paraphrase a biblical thought: that may 'win' her over.

bobert

It'll probably take some more time. Good luck with you're wife bro. Hope things go well with you!

marriedtoajw

djs- i know that there are good people in all religions and there are good hearted atheists, that really isnt the point. If you feel that atheism or being an agnostic works for you, fine. But telling me i should raise my kids that way doesnt help at all. In fact, seems to me that the Watchtower has become an atheist producing machine. Makes me wonder if that really is the motive of those who control it for doing what they do.

DJS

Married,

"Raised that way?" What does that mean? My kids followed me out of the Borg all of those years ago. I continued raising them in the exact same manner as before, without the god spin. I never spoke of god or religion and they were both free to be and believe as they wished. I continue to set a very good example for them and expect them to live life at a very high ethical level, which they do. Call it the Santa Clause if you wish - doing good for goodness sake - if that helps. None of us ever think about god, jesus, the bible or relgion - all the while doing good and being good.

Knowing Dubs as we do, your chance of winning her over to the Catholics or any other religion are slim. Good luck to you.

jgnat

I would suggest to get yourself out of your mental box, to rephrase some of your statements. Something I've learned recently is the tendency towards "all-or-nothing" thinking. We use extreme language and then in that extremity, see no way out. But if we rephrase our situation closer to what it really is, there is the opportunity to see the situation differently.

For instance, it seems you will see at least half your children out of the Witnesses. You provide balance in your home and your children have more social outlets than homes where both parents are Witnesses. Your wife is a natural hedonist with a little bit of Witness on top for icing. You could work with this.

I think there is plenty of room for you to start expressing yourself and your desires more fully. Hey, how about attending mass on occassion, by yourself?

KateWild

Thanks for your story, I have enjoyed getting to know you better. Your youngest is only 9 if she is a girlie girl she may enjoy dance classes, ballet, tap and jazz. My daughter did all that and loved doing shows and dressing up.

It could side track her from field service. I hope you can find a way to help her think critically or she could end up married to a JW and it is a sexist cult that degrades women and you don't want that for her. Although you work 12 hours a day, set aside time for the kids. Draw closer to them and you won't lose them to a cult.

I wish you all the best, but don't see your wife as the enemy she is only doing what she thinks is best for the kids, she is indoctrinated.

Take care Kate xx

twice shy

I empathize with your situation. I cannot speak on it as I have never been in your shoes.

From my limited experience; I would say focus on the kids. They are purer and will see the TTAT a lot faster than your indoctrinated wife. I will not try to talk you out of GOD's arrangement, but will admonish that you take the lead spiritually as you are the head.

It may be a good idea to keeep asking your wife thought provoking questions more often than not. You could also print out that 1969 AWAKE article that Data-Dog posted yesterday and leave it on the table or a place that's convenient for her to see it. Try not to put her on the defensive as that will lead to nothing but hard feelings and arguments.

Just my cent and a half and hope that it will help you move in a positive direction with a clear plan and back -up plan to help you move forward if things get tougher.

Christ is still the center for catholics right?

marriedtoajw

Djs-in all seriouness, dont you think about eternal consequences. See i know what you're saying, i really do and i know that this issue of eternal destiny has enormous power to control people but if true, also has enormous implications that i dont think should be dismissed as fable because of a bad "religious" experience, thats just me. Of course its possible to be religiously unaffiliated and be an incredible human being. One of the reasons i stopped "practicing" my born in religion is because of exactly what you said. Everyone was born into something but to have integrity and to be true to yourself, i think beliefs should be tested. But no one belief system or phylosophy has all the answers either. So how much should one question? How much should one test with this being so. What im saying is that i think people are all enclined to believe whatever they want to believe even when those beliefs can leave questions unasnwered. So the idea that dismissing a religion, faith or God because you can be a good person without submitting to any of those, then you've become your own God of your own world. Although i would agree that having nothing to do with religion, faith and belief in God may have no effect on being a good person, it leaves open the question of are there eternal consequence for what we believe? I've asked myself all of those questions that atheists ask. No religion provides all the answers, but neither does atheism, humanism, indifferentism or good personism. But if there is a God, i know that i will need mercy just as much as you or anyone else.

DJS

Married,

Never. I put that out of my mind a long time ago. As I see it, if there is a big girl in the sky, she knows who I am and why I believe as I do. After all, according to Xtians, we are made in her image. Also, if I do the right thing for no other reason than it is the right thing, expecting no reward and not fearing any punishment, who looks better in her eyes? I believe we have one life to live (geesh, wasn't that a soap opera) and I live it to the full, doing good all along the way.

My wife is never going to wake up.

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